Shyness

aquila1000

Here goes I've had a problem with shyness since I was 12.I think the shyness was brought on by severe bullying over a three year period.My shyness has improved I can carry on a conversation with anyone now but even when I feel at my most confident I've still had people remark how shy and quiet I am.I find it hard to get to know new people because it takes ages for me to relax and be myself with someone new.When it comes to a group I find it very hard.Although it has improved because I'm able to hide it a bit better its ruining my life and affecting my self confidence.I have a few good friends but I'd like to have more but being shy is holding me back.The only time my shyness goes away is when I've had a lot to drink.Obviously I'd like to stop using alcohol as a crutch.So does anyone have any advise on this how to appear more confident or how did you overcome shyness?

bp_me

Act confident and you will be. Even if you dont feel it, once you give the appearence of confidence, people around you will assume you are. Eventually this "act" will cease to be an act and you will be better for it.

CathyMoran

I do not think that you ever overcome shyness, you just learn to deal with it more effectively. For me I have to imagine that I am confident, and over time sometimes it works, but not always. Sometimes I talk too fast and do not think which is not good. I do not think that it is any harm taking a while to be yourself with new people. My brother used to play The Smiths "Ask" for me, but the song does have a point. Best wishes, AC

LegacyUser

aquila1000 wrote:

Here goes I've had a problem with shyness since I was 12.I think the shyness was brought on by severe bullying over a three year period.My shyness has improved I can carry on a conversation with anyone now but even when I feel at my most confident I've still had people remark how shy and quiet I am.I find it hard to get to know new people because it takes ages for me to relax and be myself with someone new.When it comes to a group I find it very hard.Although it has improved because I'm able to hide it a bit better its ruining my life and affecting my self confidence.I have a few good friends but I'd like to have more but being shy is holding me back.The only time my shyness goes away is when I've had a lot to drink.Obviously I'd like to stop using alcohol as a crutch.So does anyone have any advise on this how to appear more confident or how did you overcome shyness?

i have a similar problem to a point where i find it hard to strike a conversation with anyone especially some one i like or im always aware of what im saying when im in company that i dont necessaily get on with.

Sort of nervous in fact. your not alone!!! i suppose its all about confidence and not giving a sh*t what people say and letting stuff hop off you like water off a duck. in this world though you have to live up to a standard people set.

people are so vain they expect you to think, talk and act like them. you have to be into the same stuff they are, do the same stuff they do.

in fact bullying and peer group pressure contributes to alot of the problem. the real you is waiting to get out but its bottled up until you can talk to somebody who accepts the real you. all you need is a group of ignoramus s*its to hold you back but if you can overcome that small obstacle your ready to challenge the world

aquila1000

bp_me wrote:

Act confident and you will be. Even if you dont feel it, once you give the appearence of confidence, people around you will assume you are. Eventually this "act" will cease to be an act and you will be better for it.

I've tried this loads of times but I know from what people tell me I still seem shy even when I think myself I'm acting very confident.The problem is my face always shows how I feel.I've tried controlling the expressions on my face but I always appear to be a bit nervous and a bit scared.but once I know people well this goes away and I'm very confident around people I know well.I suppose I just have to keep on trying to be more confident.

aquila1000

in fact bullying and peer group pressure contributes to alot of the problem. the real you is waiting to get out but its bottled up until you can talk to somebody who accepts the real you. all you need is a group of ignoramus s*its to hold you back but if you can overcome that small obstacle your ready to challenge the world[/QUOTE]

I know what you mean.In secondary school I was bullied so bad that I moved schools.When I came to the new school I didnt trust anyone.I didnt have any real friends for two years.Then things changed I got to know two wonderful people who became my best friends and my self esteem began to soar.But really whwn I went away to college it was the best thing ever for me.Noone knew me so I felt like I could be more confident.Also being away from tormentors at sec. school helped.I joined clubs and societies and Had the time of my life.I've also made very close friends through the clubs and societies because in these situations I always felt comfortable talking to people as we had something in common.I've come across a few s*its but better able to handle them.I suppose I just wish I could be appear confident like my friends.Most of my friends are very extrovert.I still wish there is some way of getting back at the bullllies that ruined my selfconfidence and made me shy they made my teenage years a living hell.

LegacyUser

aquila1000 wrote:

I still wish there is some way of getting back at the bullllies that ruined my selfconfidence and made me shy they made my teenage years a living hell.

Heres the good part. You dont have to do a thing!!
Silence can speak a thousand volumes.
Bullies are extremely manipulative people who play on your response.
Walk past them on the street and chin up and do not even acknowledge their presence. some smarmy b*stards will try confusing you even more by giving you a big friendly "well how ya doin!!!!". at the most just mutter a small well and keep walking. they eventually give up saying anything o. oh and always just give them a small salute or lese they'll twist it so that you look the bitter sulk. it will also drive them crazy as it sends a clear message "You dont bother me mate!!!!!"

Jonny Arson

aquila1000 wrote:

Here goes I've had a problem with shyness since I was 12.I think the shyness was brought on by severe bullying over a three year period.My shyness has improved I can carry on a conversation with anyone now but even when I feel at my most confident I've still had people remark how shy and quiet I am.I find it hard to get to know new people because it takes ages for me to relax and be myself with someone new.When it comes to a group I find it very hard.Although it has improved because I'm able to hide it a bit better its ruining my life and affecting my self confidence.I have a few good friends but I'd like to have more but being shy is holding me back.The only time my shyness goes away is when I've had a lot to drink.Obviously I'd like to stop using alcohol as a crutch.So does anyone have any advise on this how to appear more confident or how did you overcome shyness?

I can relate to so much you say there.

I was always quiet was I was younger which left me vulnerable to bullying and I was bullied. This destroyed my confidence in my teenage years and along with my shyness, I felt completely lost when I was a teenager and it took many years to build myself back up again.

I'm 19 now. At the moment I'm happy, 10 times more confident than I ever was, doing things I've never done before, meeting people who I would have never met before BUT there is something that still eats me up inside regarding my confidence. My expereince of bullying dented me emotionally and I still haven't quite gotten over it.

I question myself so much about whether I'm fun or not, am I boring or am I any good as a person. Despite these questions I know deep down I'm a great bloke, who is friendly and cares deeply about people which are priceless characteristics in today's age that alot of people do lack. Despite my insecurities I do my best to live life to the full and enjoy myself. I also become very outgoing when I'm drinking which I wish I could be like all of the time. My social life is grand but at times my friends take absolute no interest in me and can be a quite self centered especially when they are around other people and that bothers me alot which leads me to doubting myself.

Shyness is something that will usaully stay there within you but it can become less evident by building up your self esteem and confidence. There is nothing wrong with being shy. If everyone was extrovert I can guarantee this planet would be really boring as we need good listeners aswell! The main thing is that if you are happy with yourself as a person then don't worry about your apparent shyness.

Peteee

Zane from MTV2 wrote:

I can relate to so much you say there.

I was always quiet was I was younger which left me vulnerable to bullying and I was bullied. This destroyed my confidence in my teenage years and along with my shyness, I felt completely lost when I was a teenager and it took many years to build myself back up again.

I'm 19 now. At the moment I'm happy, 10 times more confident than I ever was, doing things I've never done before, meeting people who I would have never met before BUT there is something that still eats me up inside regarding my confidence. My expereince of bullying dented me emotionally and I still haven't quite gotten over it.

I question myself so much about whether I'm fun or not, am I boring or am I any good as a person. Despite these questions I know deep down I'm a great bloke, who is friendly and cares deeply about people which are priceless characteristics in today's age that alot of people do lack. Despite my insecurities I do my best to live life to the full and enjoy myself. I also become very outgoing when I'm drinking which I wish I could be like all of the time. My social life is grand but at times my friends take absolute no interest in me and can be a quite self centered especially when they are around other people and that bothers me alot which leads me to doubting myself.

Shyness is something that will usaully stay there within you but it can become less evident by building up your self esteem and confidence. There is nothing wrong with being shy. If everyone was extrovert I can guarantee this planet would be really boring as we need good listeners aswell! The main thing is that if you are happy with yourself as a person then don't worry about your apparent shyness.

Wow, you sound like me!

To the OP, I've taken the approach that I only care what a small number of people think about me (i.e. My friends, whom I trust am completly comfortable around) and I dont give a **** what other people think, cos tehy dont matter.

I've taken Dr. Peppers advice 'Whats the worst that could happen'

Bottle_of_Smoke

I think what's happening with you is yyou're subconciously, possibly conciously afraid of people not liking you for what you're gonna say to them, try deal with that and see how it goes