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boyfriend moving in but worried

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  • 15-07-2005 3:33pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    My boyfriend is moving in with me soon and I'm feeling anxious. We've been together for about 1 and a half years, both late twenties. I am very happy with him I have to say (after a terrible track record with men), even though he's always been more certain of things than I am, especially at the start. I think I am a worrier in general and try to reason my way through things instead of being happy to go by instinct - but of course there are things you can't always apply reason to and then I get very indecisive and anxious.

    He' always been convinced that we are absolutely right together and now he's in no doubt that it's time to move in. I agree with him, I just don't have that certain feeling he has. I'm plagued by worries . . .what if we fight, what if I can't make space for all his stuff, what if it doesn't work out. What if I don't really love him enough to be doing this . . ...what if we're not strong enough.

    I suppose at the back of my mind is the worry that he's always had stronger feelings for me than I've had for him . . even though I'm very happy in the relationship and do not want to break up.

    Someone please reassure me I'm doing the right thing! I've always found it reassuring that he's so certain, it's like he's certain enough for the two of us, but this time I'm very anxious. I don't want to ruin things by constantly worrying, I'm probably tempting fate.


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    #2
    [someguy]
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44 ✭[someguy]


    worrier wrote:
    I suppose at the back of my mind is the worry that he's always had stronger feelings for me than I've had for him . . even though I'm very happy in the relationship and do not want to break up.

    Not a good sign in my eyes.

    It depends on how big the place is (will you be in each other's way ALL the time?) and your ability to compromise.
    Be perpared to discover new things about the guy you don't know about now


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    #3
    0utshined
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,746 ✭✭✭0utshined


    [someguy] wrote:
    Not a good sign in my eyes.

    I disagree.

    Some people worry about things a lot more than others and from the OP's post it sounds like she's one of them. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with their relationship just that she questions things by nature. I would say go for it. If you've been together for a year and a half you most likely have stayed over at each others houses from time to time and got a feel for how your partner lives. You will both need to make compromises over certain things, make no mistake about that but it's to be expected if you are living with someone and you will know yourself if these sacrifices are worth it.

    To be honest, what is the absolute worst that can happen? You discover that you both can't live together and need to break up? Surely it's better to discover this now rather than later. In any event I wish you best and hope the worst doesn't come to pass.


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    #4
    BobTheBeat
    Registered Users Posts: 1,048 ✭✭✭BobTheBeat


    It seems your letting it build up inside you. The key to resolve, is by just talking it out with him. Explain to him that you have genuine concerns and get his input on them. Perhaps your just moving too fast, when your ready you'll know it (or at least be less unsure about it) and you can really enjoy the new adventure in your relationship!


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    #5
    Bamboozled
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,178 ✭✭✭Bamboozled


    Now that you've let it out (the worry), you may worry less. Being a worrier myself, i often find that if I let my worry out, either to someone or just scribble it down, it seems much less of a worry from then on.


    Think about it. I hope your worry has decreased since typing.

    I also had those worries about moving in with someone but if you do love him, and this is the next step, keep going with it. It doesnt have to be a big thing - its not as big a deal as it was a few years ago, and its not permanent - buying a place together would be.

    Learn to compromise, and he must too. Count to ten when you feel he is invading "your home" and remember that you both are with each other because you want to be. The "next step" must come at some stage or the relationship would go stale, so why not tale the next step and try and put your worry to one side and enjoy the experience.


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    #6
    dudara
    Registered Users Posts: 33,519 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    You'll make this work if you want it to work. You sound as if you do want it to happen, so stop worrying so much, and it will happen and it will be great.

    As someone who cohabited with her partner from day one of our relationship, believe it or not, I had been expecting to find it hard. I am a private person, but i found him a comfort and a joy to have around. There is one person that I tell all my worries to and he's the person who I share a home with.

    If you find yourself having petty arguments, don't let them swell into bigger things. Eventually you will adjust to each other, and i wish you the best of luck


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