Social anxiety disorder

I have so many problems right now but I think they're all connected to this so I'll try to explain the root cause.

I always feel excluded in social situations, never talk unless I'm spoken to, and I'll never start a conversation. This has gone on all my life, I could even see it from as far back as age 5 or 6 - I'm almost 21 now. I was bullied at school and it had a major impact on my life.
I don't go out at the weekends because I say I'm too far away, sure I'm 5 miles away but maybe I'm just making excuses to avoid it. I'd love to be able to do the same things as everyone else but I just can't and it makes me feel like such an outsider as a result. I only have a couple of friends near me also, most of my friends are "online buddies." I certainly won't be having a really fun 21st party - don't have any friends for it.

My self-esteem is extremely low, I've had girls say I'm attractive but I'm usually too shy to say anything back. I'm also feeling very depressed and bored at times. Very recently some of these thoughts have been suicidal ones - this was something that never happened to me before up to last week.

Around girls I'm the worst. I can never think of anything to say to her and often do stupid things or lack common sense. Right now I feel as if I'm in love with a certain girl but we irritate the crap out of each other sometimes because I just can't relax around her. She's given out many mixed signals so I'm certainly not in a position to tell her how I feel for fear of rejection. Although we have kissed and shared some intimate moments - but I'm not sure if it's just casual. We've been friends for a couple of years by the way.

Anyway, back to what the title says...
I've been seeing a counsellor for the last 2 months and I'm on antidepressants. So far I've felt some difference but not a huge amount. I got a guide about anxiety and it mentions Social Anxiety Disorder. I didn't know there was such a thing but the symptoms seem to hit me right on the head. My next session isn't until the 28th but I will ask my counsellor about it then. Obviously I haven't been diagnosed with it but all the symptoms seem to be there.

I just want to know, have others here had social anxiety disorder? If so how did you get through it? Right now I don't even want to leave the house, hence why I'm stuck inside on a warm summers' day. Is there anything I can do in the meantime? 18 days to my next counselling session feels like a very long time.

Victor

Do I have it right that you haven't been diagnosed yet? Self-diagnosis can be very problematic as you aren't "independent" (doctors aren't allowed self-diagnose or self-prescribe).

What do you do with your time? College? Work?

Maybe you do have "social anxiety disorder", but at least you are making steps to address the situation. It the beginning (with a middle and end) of a new beginning (which may also have a middle and end).

And try small, say "hi" to the people who are in your life casually, - the postman, girl in shop, etc. Then work up.

Yes you're right, I haven't been diagnosed but it just seemed to hit me when I read the leaflet I got. So I'll have to mention it to my counsellor next time round. But I understand your point - just really trying to find a release mechanism right now.

I work full time at present but I'm not very happy with the job. I do on-site computer maintenance and networking so I do have to deal with people, I'm not very good at it either.
Edit: I'm great at the job, just not the dealing with people bit - I don't make eye contact and don't speak very clearly at times.

When I get home I have very little to do, I don't have a huge amount of hobbies and the area is very remote. I spend most of my time online, taking walks or texting the girl I mentioned in my previous post. Other than that I do very little else.

Webmonkey

Karsini wrote:

Yes you're right, I haven't been diagnosed but it just seemed to hit me when I read the leaflet I got. So I'll have to mention it to my counsellor next time round. But I understand your point - just really trying to find a release mechanism right now.

I work full time at present but I'm not very happy with the job. I do on-site computer maintenance and networking so I do have to deal with people, I'm not very good at it either.
Edit: I'm great at the job, just not the dealing with people bit - I don't make eye contact and don't speak very clearly at times.

When I get home I have very little to do, I don't have a huge amount of hobbies and the area is very remote. I spend most of my time online, taking walks or texting the girl I mentioned in my previous post. Other than that I do very little else.

Sounds a bit like my position and now i'm just doing my best to get out and meet new people. I used to have most my friends online but i've given that up now.
I'm from kerry as well, where bouts you from. I'm into the computers as well, very similer life to yours i must say. Maybe its just kerry

Kingp35

The best advice I can give you is to try and not go online as much and go out and try and meet people. If you done have great social skills the best way to meet new people is through sports or other such clubs but I would recommend sports.

You dont necessarily have to be very good at it but if you become a member of your local GAA team(there is one everywhere) there will definitley be a team to accomodate you and you will meet tons of new people. The sports scene is aa very social one too in that you will go for drinks after a game, tehre will be lots of quiz nights etc. going on and plus that if you are on a sports team your team mates will always be ultra friendly towards you and make you fit in very soon. They will give you bags of encouragement when training etc. and you will feel great for it.

Plus it has been proven that regular excercise and fitness helps with depression as fit and healthy people feel great, they feel less stressful and alot less tiress doing everyday activities.

So seriously go out and join a sports team it will be the best thing you ever do and you will meet tons of new people and gain many friends and feel great about yourself in the process. Alos try lay off the amount of time you spend on the net with online friends. You cant go for drinks, play sports or do anything like that with an online friend.

Thats my 2 cents anyway.

Nickibaby*

Antidepresents can make people a whole lot worse until their bodies get used to them. There are a couple of different brands that have made people commit suicide.

I think that you should ring up the counseller and say that you need an earlier appointment. This is a bad patch in your life, it will get better. Dr Bachs Rescue Remedy spray helps with stress and anxiety, if you are invited out by friends take a few sprays of that, it might help to relax you. There is a book out it's by Susan Jeffers - Feel the Fear and do it Anyway is the title. Interesting book, might just change your outlook on things, might not, but it would do no harm just giving it a read.

You must remember that you are not alone in how you are feeling, there are plenty of people going through the exact same thing as you.

Exercise has been known to help depression, how about joining a gym. Go for walks also the sunlight can help.

simu

Kingp35 wrote:

The best advice I can give you is to try and not go online as much and go out and try and meet people. If you done have great social skills the best way to meet new people is through sports or other such clubs but I would recommend sports.

I disagree. Many people don't enjoy the GAA/soccer etc scene at all and in my experience, the net is a good place to find people who share your interests. You could consider meeting up with people you've met online sometime, Karsini, although it can be pretty nerve-wracking.

As for diagnosing you - that's a job for professionals.

arbeitsscheuer

Nickibaby* wrote:

Antidepresents can make people a whole lot worse until their bodies get used to them. There are a couple of different brands that have made people commit suicide.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Anti-depressants do not, repeat, DO NOT, make people commit suicide. In fact, anti-depressants don't "make" people do anything. Suicide is in no way related to the affect anti-depressants have on the human body.
People who commit suicide having been prescribed anti-depressants either
a) did not take them as directed (surprisingly common)
or
b) were suicidal in the first place, and unfortunately their systems were immune to the chemicals involved.

I seem to remember Seroxat getting a particularly raw deal from the media because of BS like this. Makes me mad. Seriously. :mad:

Nickibaby* wrote:

You must remember that you are not alone in how you are feeling, there are plenty of people going through the exact same thing as you.
Exercise has been known to help depression, how about joining a gym. Go for walks also the sunlight can help.

These statements, on the other hand, are spot on. Very good advice.

Funny eh?

Peteee

Karsini wrote:

I always feel excluded in social situations, never talk unless I'm spoken to, and I'll never start a conversation.

Right, I used to be like this. To a certain extent I still am around quite a number of people, whereas to 6 or 7 people I know (you know who you are , you could stick me in a room with them for 3 hours with no-one else in the room and we'd ahve no problem talking to each for the entire time. With other people I struggle for things to say after 20 seconds.

I dont like big groups either (10+)

Are you the same? can you hold conversations with some people, and not at all with others?

This has gone on all my life, I could even see it from as far back as age 5 or 6 - I'm almost 21 now. I was bullied at school and it had a major impact on my life.

Same here tbh

I don't go out at the weekends because I say I'm too far away, sure I'm 5 miles away but maybe I'm just making excuses to avoid it. I'd love to be able to do the same things as everyone else but I just can't and it makes me feel like such an outsider as a result.

Okay, I do go out a weekends with my friends. I've only kept in touch with one of my friends from school (best friend) and all my other friends are in college, and some of those I met through the net.

My self-esteem is extremely low, I've had girls say I'm attractive but I'm usually too shy to say anything back.

I dont have the best self esteem either, but it's improved miles since I came to college. Some of the girls I know said 'they'd go out with me if they didn't have a boyfriend.' Usual bs from girls, but still.....


TBH the way i've started to get over it is to realise that people (if they are nice, and most people are) are gonna accept you for who you are. They wont give a crap over what you say or how you say it, even if its massivly politically incorrect!

Say the first thing that pops into your head. Dont think about saying it either, just say it! Loud if you can (I have a problem with speaking at such a low volume that people cant hear me!)

Theres nothing strange about you speaking in a group, even if you think you feel out of place saying it. Thats just the stupid voice in your head.

Anyway most of all speak. Cos people arn't gonna talk to you unless you talk back to them

Webmonkey

Webmonkey wrote:

I'm from kerry as well, where bouts you from. I'm into the computers as well, very similer life to yours i must say. Maybe its just kerry

Maybe so. I'm living outside Listowel.

Today was a bad day, I felt sick at work and was sent home. Basically, since I started on my antidepressants I've been suffering from travel sickness, and if I don't travel I don't have a job. I went to my GP and got an injection to stop the sickness but it left me very drowsy, I slept from 4 - 9pm today. My counsellor is on holidays until the 28th so I don't really have much of an option but to wait.

I have very little interest in sports, it was always something I wasn't good at in school and that made me even more socially isolated.

Victor

Karsini, we're a poor substitute, but keep in contact.

If you don't like organised sports, things like cycling and swimming or even kicking a football off a wall can help. You get to do something, explore places and there is some sense of "can do" without the negative repercussions of "losing" in competitive sport.

SebtheBum wrote:

I seem to remember Seroxat getting a particularly raw deal from the media because of BS like this. Makes me mad. Seriously. :mad:

I was on Seroxat for a few months and found it quite harsh. It took away the depression (long term), but not the anxiety (short term). I lashed out and was taken off them, but during withdrawal I again lashed out.