Breaking up with Girlfriend

redraider

Hi all,

Looking for some advice here if anyone can help !

I have been going out with g/f for almost 7 years. We both live at home ( long story,finances, health issues )

She has recently been wanting to get mortgage / house etc. I do not.

She wants kids. I do not.

I have never really had a long term relationship before and think I am missing out on things ( i.e. casual sex )

I am 30 she is 26.

I do not want to "settle down" as I fell restless as most of my mates have had loads of girlfriends / partners over the years.

I have a close circle of good friends 3-4 lads same age, 2 now married . Apart from them I am quite shy and not great at mixing.

I get on great with her but rekon we could not be friends if we break up as it would devestate her. She does love me.

We drink in same pub and know a lot of the same people.

I think there is something missing in our relationship........ the question is will i be able to find it elsewhere??

What should I do?

Thanks

scuba steve

Talk to her about it

StandnDeliver

show her this topic

Nuttzz

redraider wrote:

Hi all,

I have a close circle of good friends 3-4 lads same age, 2 now married . Apart from them I am quite shy and not great at mixing.

So you dump her, do you reckon it will just be a case of sliding up beside someone in a club said saying "how are you tonight babe?"

what do you think is missing in your relationship, do you love her?

you willing to break up her because you think your missing out on casual sex? what makes you think you will get laid every saturday night with someone different, if your quite shy and not great at mixing :rolleyes:

tinkerbell

What Nuttzz said. If you ain't great at mixing and quite shy, then the chances of you getting laid everytime you go out are probably not all that.

Why do you want casual sex? Is your girl not enough for ya? Like do you love her? You've been going out for seven years, surely you know by this stage. If you do love her, then cut the crap and get this sillyness out of your head. If you don't, well then you're wasting both your times by keeping up this lie.

Can you imagine what it'll be like without her in your life? If so, do you like that image? Or would you be okay with it?

Only you can answer these questions.

And if you're going out with each other for seven years, then I'm sure she can sense that you are feeling restless. By that stage, you'd know your other half inside out. It's her you should be talking to in order to get this sorted.

Good luck!

peterk19

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Very good advice ther from tinkerbell you should listen to her it would be a shame to let 7 years go cause you think you would prefer to try and get casual sex every weekend and your taking a big risk as your a shy guy whos not good at mixing which means you will not get as much casual sex as your expecting unless you look like brad pitt

Pete

Easily_Irritated

Talk to her. If you dump her I bet you'd regret if after like a few months.

Its been 7 years, thats a hell ofa long time. You probably think you're missing out on loads but in actual fact you're not really

Plus, I hope she doesn't use boards! lol It wouldn't be too hard to pick yourself outta that discription

Easily_Irritated

Plus shes only 26. How would you feel if she hooked up with someone after you dump her? If you're not good mixing with people you might find it hard to meet girls. She might not have that problem!!

muckwarrior

So basically you guys are sayin that he should make do with her in case he deosn't find anyone else? I may be wrong but I don't think he meant that he just wants to dump her so that he can get a ride every weekend.

What you need to ask yourself is "is this the only girl I ever want to be with for the rest of my life?" If the answer is no then I think you're right to break up. Ideally it would be good to take a break instead of break up forever, but of course this may not be possible. Just coz you've lasted so long doesn't necessarily mean that yous are meant to be together. It's very easy to just fall into a rut and just stay in a relationship coz it's comfortable and secure and you dont fancy the task of having to look for someone new.

Unfortunately I don't think you can know whether or not you've made the right decision until a good while after you've made it!

DawnMc

I really cannot stress this enough - do NOT break up completely. You really won't realise how you truly feel until you are apart from each other. Tell her exactly how you're feeling, honesty really is the best policy. Say you care for her and would like a break rather than a complete break up.

chump

tinkerbell wrote:

What Nuttzz said. If you ain't great at mixing and quite shy, then the chances of you getting laid everytime you go out are probably not all that.

Why do you want casual sex? Is your girl not enough for ya? Like do you love her? You've been going out for seven years, surely you know by this stage. If you do love her, then cut the crap and get this sillyness out of your head. If you don't, well then you're wasting both your times by keeping up this lie.

Can you imagine what it'll be like without her in your life? If so, do you like that image? Or would you be okay with it?

Only you can answer these questions.

And if you're going out with each other for seven years, then I'm sure she can sense that you are feeling restless. By that stage, you'd know your other half inside out. It's her you should be talking to in order to get this sorted.

Good luck!

You sound to me like a dik who doesn't know how well he has it?

You'll toss it all away and try to start having a casual sex life?

What are you on?
Some people do that, they start before 30 and they aren't shy and they're good at mixing.

Go shark diving or something.

Kevin_rc_ie

OP.

i find it hard to beleive you have such a casual attitute to a 7 year long relationship. if you feel so little about this partner i think you should break up. 7 years is a long time, i agree with the partner, it's time for you to make or break.

Ladypawpaw

OP - you both live at home. That may be contributing to your feelings about the relationship. When I was a teenager it was hard for me to have proper time with a boyfriend when were both living at home.

If you lived in your own place (on your own or perhaps with the girlfriend) do you think the relationship could be better?

If you are 100% sure you do not want kids perhaps you should explain this to the girlfriend. You need to talk to her about the feelings you have told us all about.

The_B_Man

your not the only one to break up for this reason. it happens. its the sorta thing u dont wanna look back on yr death bed and say "jaysus, i wish i got more poontang when i had the chance!". the way i see it is, humans can be broken down into animal instincts. mens job is to go forth and mulitply. womens job is to breed. this whole monogomy thing is a human concept, in fact its a western world concept! look at them indians with 7 wives! i hav my suspicions that monogomy is a female invention also. no bloke in his right mind would invent such a concept. over where they have 7 wives etc, society is very male dominated and look at how they have it!

basically, u have 3 options (from experience):
1. move to india (ok not from experience ),
2. dump her and realise that life isnt an american teen movie,
3. stay with the missus and stop playin the numbers game with the amount partners you've had, as its just for braggin rights among the other males. also, maybe get the missus to dress up all kinky, maybe go on a few holidays somewhere and generally improve the fun-ness of ur life. dont get into the routine of sittin in watchin big brother and go out and live. i bet you'll find that ur un-fulfilled in ur life and ur simply focusing on this aspect of urself.


/Dr Phil, ur job is mine!

ionapaul

The B Man, your thoughts on men's function in life, women's function in life (you used different words but both 'jobs' equal procreation, right?) and monogomy are not backup by evolutionary theory!

shellby

talk to her but if you feel like you are settling than it's best to break up with her there's no point in safing her feelings by keeeping her in a false relationship just think about it fully before you do anything drastic.

Beruthiel

first off
at the age of 30 you should be well aware that the hills are not all that greener once you get there, and as you said yourself - "I am quite shy and not great at mixing" - which suggests the chances of you picking up women every weekend are not that great, if that's what you think you need. I don't care what anyone says, sex with strangers is nothing like with someone you love.
However,
If you do not want kids or a mortgage you had better sit down with her and have a long, serious talk about what you both want. You owe her that much after 7 years and she deserves to be with someone who does want those things.

redraider wrote:

I think there is something missing in our relationship........ the question is will i be able to find it elsewhere??

I'm curious
what's missing?

pdunno

Man, you got some serious issues and two peoples feelings to take into account. If it's not where you want to be at and if it makes you unhappy then you have to be out of this relationship. The key word here is relationship. You also have to take stock of your girlfriends wants and needs, if you aren't willing to commit and give her what she needs, ie mortgage, kids etc., then it doesn;t sound like the two of you are coming from or going in the same direction and it probably means you shouldn't be together. I mean both of you want different things so neither of you will end up fullfilled by this relationship.

It's really up to you know, you need to speak to your girlfriend and see if you can work together to either get through this or go your separate ways. Good luck

Stabshauptmann

I hear you. You want to know what could have been, you are woried if you made the right choice especially since you now realise you and the gf want very different things.

First, would I be right in thinking you percieve your friends as doing better/being more successful?

Ive never been in a relationship what lasted more than a few months. That really sucks ass. TBH I too wouldnt want to settle for the first girl I met but might I suggest some time apart.

Dont see other ppl. Just some time appart. Did wonders for a friend of mine who didnt want the commitments your talking about. He realised how much he loves his gf and got back together. He knows now shes the one. Think about it

SingingCherry

Hm. You are 30, you are shy and bad at mixing, and you live at home with your mum... and where do you think the "casual sex" is going to come into this equation?

I am totally on board with The B Man. What world do you think you're living in that your life is going to be fulfilled if you go out and experience other women? You are not going to find any sort of fulfillment in the arms of random girls- mostly because it won't happen for you (see reasons stated above).

Honestly, if you think you are wasting this girl's time, and you don't love her, then let her go and she will move on, meeting another guy and get the kids and the house with someone who deserves her. But, if you are just doing a "I want what I can't have" thing- get a grip. Realise that you have a good thing going with a woman who loves you and don't throw it away.