A skit i wrote

carpothepunk

Jesus- but dad! You have to die! Its my turn to be god!
*folds arms and leans back in chair*

God- Son, you c ant be god. Im God! Youd think youd be happy! You get to live forever and save lives!

Jesus- its not fair! I want to be God!
*sulks*

God- Your grounded!
*points to fancy castle*

Jesus- Grounded?! *laughs hysterically* Grounded!?!?! But all I?ll be able to do is, play Nintendo, play ps2, play x-box, play that new virtual reality game--*continues to list off game consoles*

*messenger flys in*

Messenger- God!! *pants* SHE!

God- Calm down and tell me what happened!

Messenger- another angel has fallen to the not light side!!

God- No! This is the eighth one this month. What is going on?

Jesus- *continues to list* Talk to Judy, eat anything I want, watch Operah, watch dog eat dog, rent movies talk to Cindy, and Rachel and molly and Suzie and Rick and better and---

Messenger- The devil is offering FREE PORN

God- *gasps* NO!! Not free PORN How can we compete against that!?!?! I cant afford free porn!! What do we do?

Jesus- go to Earth whenever I want, listen to music, drive my Porsche, drive my Mustang, drive my--

Messenger- You must hold a meeting with al the angels. I will gather everyone
[Exits]

Jesus- AND see my girlfriend! THATS IT!! Thats all I get to do!! PLEASE dont ground me!!

God- There is bigger things at stake. Now go to your castle! And remember, NO food past 3:00 a.m.

Jesus- BUT!!

God- NO! Now go!

[Jesus exits]
[End]

[Enter God at podium and all the angels in a crowd]
[Jesus pouts in a fancy chair]

God- Here me angles!!! We have lost many good people to the devil! How many more will turn on us because of his proposals?!!

Angel crowd- NONE!!!!

God- Please you were brought here not Hell that is an honor

Angel crowd- *cheers*

God- So if you here about free porn dont buckle! Remember I love you..
*tears up*

Random Angel- FREE PORN SWEET!!!!
*walks off*

God- NO! Wait!!!

Random angel- *stops* What man?! Its FREE porn!! FREE!!! Angels here ME! No longer will we have to pay a penny for three hours of porn!! It will be FREE. THINK ABOUT IT!!!

*half of crowd leaves*

*God slams head on the podium*

Jesus- I bet Damien never gets grounded
*pouts some more*

[End]

[Far away under some old ladies house]

Devil- No you cant rule! Being the devil is hard work Damien! Youre not evil enough!

[Damien wearing plaid pants and a tie with thick rimmed glasses]

Damien- uh huh!!! *pushes up glasses*

Devil- Look at your horns they barley are grown and your 85!!

*Damien feels horns*

Damien- OUCH! Their sharp!

Devil- Dammit son their round!! See youre a wimp just a wimp! Get out of my sight!

[Damien exits while crying]

Devil- DEMONS DONT CRY!! *sighs* I wish my son was more evil and torturously like me?
*looks outside*
[Raining fire and screams can be heard]

Devil- *sings* Oh why, why oh why does my son have to be a *****? Why

*demon flys in*

Demon- Devil! Devil! I have GREAT news! Half of the angels have come here for the porn and left the not dark side!!!

Devil- Yes YES! *drums fingertips against each other* And they dont suspect anything right? None have escaped?

Demon- No sir!

*Devil and Demon laugh*

[Exit]

Jesus- DAD!!!!!!!! My x-box broke!!

God- Son!! There is another one in your room! D**** you have an unlimited supply!

Jesus- I don?t want to hook it up!

God- *hits himself in the head* @*@*@*** you whiney *****! Stop being lazy and do something for ONCE!!!!

Jesus- I hate you! Im going to the non light side!

God- Good. Go. You annoy me.

Jesus- *shocked* you mean you dont care about me?

God- GET!

[Jesus runs to Hell]
[End]

[Back at Hell]

*Devil hits a broom against the ceiling*

Devil- SHUT UP OLD LADY! I CANT HEAR THE TORTURE!!!
*sits in chair*

Devil- *sings* Why oh why does my son have to be a *****? Why oh why do I have an old lady for a roomie? Why OH WHY OH WHY DO

*Demon flys in and once again interrupts the Devil and his singing*

Demon- SIR!

Devil- **** Demon let me finish one ******** song!

Demon- but SIR!!!! JESUS is here!!! He left heaven!

Devil- I wonder why? Invite him in.

[Jesus screams can be heard all the way down the hall]

Jesus- *in a faint voice* I hate my dad! I want a new dad! I want to rule something! I want to eat as long as I want!!!!

Devil- Oh **** its my son times a thousand!
*braces himself*

[Jesus bursts through the doors]

Jesus- THERE YOU ARE! IF I DONT GET MY WAY HERE AND GET REVENGE ON MY DAD IM GOING TO?
Devil- SIT!!!!!!!!!!

*Jesus sits*

Devil- You dont just come to MY house and tell me how IM going to do things!!!!!!

Jesus- Look I just want revenge on my dad thats all.

Devil- if you just go sit in the Room I will be with you in a minute.
*points to Room*

*Jesus walks to Room*

[All the angles from heaven are sitting on the floor watching porn]

Jesus- what have you done to them?

Devil- they are hypnotized to the porn. Soon they will be my warriors and will march to the gates of heaven and take over so the whole world and evil will reign.

Jesus- Yeh, that sounds pretty sweet. Hey I want in on it too! Can I be the devil, can I can I can I? Oh- Id make a GREAT devil.

Devil- Oh god.

Damien-Where?Dad you *****!!

carpothepunk

did anyone actually finish reading it lol?

Le Rack

nope, got to the first line realise there was LOTS more and stopped, seemed like it could be funny though! Well done!

edibility

Ah, twas alright. Not quite my humour. Try to puncuate a little better though, it was kinda hard to read :S

zAbbo

Learn to spell

Did you just throw it together in the thread editor or whats the deal.

BEAT

first of all,
I liked it. I laughed, well done.
second,
I had to go in and edit certain words.
You had no warning in your title as it says to do in the charter. So rather than delete the post and ban you I had to edit it.
If you dont want your work edited then next time dont post it here in that form.
What you need to do in the future is post a link to your story and in that post with your link explain that it is adult content and they may click if they choose.

carpothepunk

thank you and sorry i guess beat,ill do better in future,but its not the same with all these words ******* out

Blush_01

To be honest, I thought it needed lots of work. Some bits of it were funny, but so much of it fell just a little short of the mark or tried a little bit too hard.

Overall, it wasn't bad though. It has the makings of something really good.

BEAT

I agree with that, but the overall idea made me laugh...it does have the makings of something though

carpothepunk

thanks for the comments,i was thinkin along the lines of southpark,i can actually imagine some of the characters sayin the lines