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The Night's Defeat

  • 05-07-2005 5:38pm
    #1
    doonothing
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,745 ✭✭✭


    The wind made its silent confession ;
    It's unutterable words defining the night.
    The moon pierced the stillness with it's icy gaze ;
    freezing flesh and mind in awe-filled stasis.
    The darkness was heavy, a blanket of imperceptible black ;
    The tiny white lights hopelessly lost in the deep.

    The dawn strikes with terrible power ;
    Tearing the darkness to shreds,
    Undoing the night's careful work.
    The chorus of the morning, bird, beast and man ;
    Shattering the stillness of a cold and wise night.
    Light and colour explode dumbly over the complacent nobility of the dark.

    The world awakens; loud and cruel.
    The night retreats; wounded and calculating.


    1st poem i've not completely hated. be brutal...


Comments

  • #2
    doonothing
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,745 ✭✭✭doonothing


    ffs...4 views and no replies?? WELL!


  • #3
    el_tiddlero
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 400 ✭✭el_tiddlero


    chill hombre..... sometimes people just pop in to have a bit of a read, you should be pleased anyone looked at all and not worried about a lack of replies.... especially when its only been posted about two hours...
    tis a nice piece of writing in that its unusual, i've never really thought of the day kicking the nights butt, more the other way around, you know the whole night drowning out the light, you've got some nice images but maybe could use a better finish, the world awakening loud and cruel is good but the night being wounded and calculating??? i'm not sure that fits with how you've described the night, although i can see the link with its "careful work", i'm also not sure where the "complacent nobility" of the night comes in, is it that the night doesnt think it can be beaten by the dawn??? it gets pretty confusing whe you think that the moons light is part of the night yet the stars are being drowned out... overall it reads pretty well and is a nice concept but its still a little confused imo, show us some of the ones you do completely hate, maybe they're better than you think!!


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