doormat to control freak

LegacyUser

I've been shaggin my ex recently - for about 6 months - and have got myself into a situation that has me questioning my self respect and general outlook.

Basically she is a control freak. Shes kicked me out of her apartment about 10 times in 6 months over things ranging from closing a toilet door top loudly to cumming too soon on a few occasions during sex. Something i see as normal enough even if totally unwanted. Soemthing to work on togther, not freak out about like i'm using her.

She has stormed out of my place for trivial reasons and we have missed about 3 gigs togther beacuse she's kicked off over some nonsense or other. The thing is, i always go back with her. She has a sexual energy that suits me and well knows how to press my buttons. I can't help being attracted to her yet complain about her all the time to my friends. I've had a lot more stable realtionships before so don't havbe a history of being walked on like this. The reason why we broke up (twice) before was this utter out-of-sinkness with our temperments... me being generally easy going and her being extremely highly strung. She's unbelivebale when ordering food, shopping or generally interacting with anyone... very demanding and quite neagative if things don't go her way. Outside of that she's funny, intelligent and passionate about music and a lot of things i'm into too.

Anya dvise on how to encouage her to manage her anger better. I know her family issues are all contributing to this. She never ever aplogises for being bitchy and i just find myself going along with things cos i'm attracted to her.

Anyone else in the same boat here? This is gettimg me down a lot cos i don't want to loose her as a mate or a lover. I think theres potential there for a wonderfull relationship but the one thing that gets in the way is this over excitement over things she feels she can't control. I;m not sure if she was like this with other guys but never talks about her ex's badly. She makes me feel crap but always comes around again - giving me mixed signals. We act like b/f g/f yet she won't call it that... yet she demands daily contact and the trappings of a relationship.... mosly attention . This is really killing me and i know i'm probaly better off out of it, like all me mates say... but.. i just see a great girl underneath it all, confused my complex family problems and ego.

pretty-in-pink

So men go through this to? I'd suggest you just stay away from sleeping with her etc. Or sit her down, talk to her- put an embargo on her interupting you and let he speak, then you can both discuss everything you said Or mayb write letters to eachother? She's probably terrified of getting hurt and so is lashing out at you, to drive you away and to further reinforce whatever bad feelings she may have about herself when she succeds in losing you. However trying to show her shes a great girl by sticking with her despite the crap she throws at you is also a bad idea. Talk to eachother and let her know that she has to behave or you'll leave- that it's to much, to often. Admit your own faults to -she might feel more comfortable revealing her innerself if you do that.

Best of luck!

kaimera

treat her the same for a while. See how she reacts.

else tell her to stfu and decide what she wants.

Dellgirl

else tell her to stfu and decide what she wants.

I can see you dragging your knuckles along the ground!!

She sounds like a headwrekker and good luck to you if your willing to stay around and get messed with. I cant decide if you are a really nice patient sympathetic guy or just a plain ol' fool. She sounds as mad and unmanagable as a bag of cats.

Beruthiel

honestly, she sounds like someone who needs to learn how to behave herself.

no relationship is perfect 100% of the time, what percentage would you be happy with and are you getting it in your opinion?
You will not change her unless she wants it for herself, and what you have to ask yourself is, do you wish to put up with this childish behaviour?

dudara

Ditto what Beruthiel said, she needs to learn to conduct herself properly. Whatever her reasons are for being so emotional, you can't let them dominate your life to a detrimental effect.

Plus, and I'm not being rude here, are you ruled by your díck or head? Stand back, leave the sex alone for a while, and see how things go. Sex will only only add to the confusion.

pickarooney

It sounds like you two need to have a massive, blazing row. See what happens when the dust settles.

BizzyC

I think you sound like a bit of a fool.
Act like you've got a pair and stop putting up with it!!
Sit her down and tell her that the way she acts is not on. If she's not willing to listen to you then you'll have 2 options.
a) Walk out, and forget about her.
b) Do nothing, and forfeit you dignity and self respect.......

Peteee

Not worth it really.

She sounds like a complete *****. Your being confused by the sex.

Surely theres a reason she's your ex??

I suggest a text something along the lines of 'Welcome to dumpsville - population: YOU'

Megatron

OK to the OT, i was in a similar situation before , I gave her 2 options , She could sort it out , i would help here as much as i could and i wouldn't stand for if she left a gig over somthing like ( i asked for 4 ice cubes and u got me 3 :eek: , it happend to me) then that would be the last she see's of me. or 2 , i just walk and that will be the end of it.

Now it ended up being option 2 , again the girl had a strange family situation going on, and this did effect her judgement ( basicly her dad cheated on the mother alot , so all men where skum according to her some of the time).

Anyway i'm glad i got out of tha one , as a few months later we bump into each other in a shop in town , where she tells me that as we haven't seen each other in a while we should see other people ... i then responded with the below classy line :

'Welcome to dumpsville - population: YOU'

BaZmO*

spell-braker wrote:

She never ever aplogises for being bitchy and i just find myself going along with things cos i'm attracted to her.

or what I got from it....

spell-braker wrote:

There's this brick wall that I keep banging me head against and I'm getting these terrible headaches. The brickwork is very pretty though.

Stop banging your head against the wall mate. If you let some one get away with something all the time it's just going to become the norm. You have to stand up to her and tell her how you feel and that things can't go on the way they are. Decide want you want and tell her, and most importantly stick to it otherwise you'll just be going around in circles.

B.

Raiser

This is clearly unworkable - shes shagging you until she finds someone "good" enough for her - she'll become besotted with this new person - who will inevitably dump her cause shes suffering from "persecuted princess syndrome".

People like her (no matter how attractive/marvellous they are) are destined to become spinsters and then in time muttering lonely bag-ladies - leave her to her destiny, the little bovine wench.

Remember you deserve respect at all times - don't formulate lame excuses to allow yourself to be don't be treated like sh1t.

Theres lots of nice human beings out there who'll be everything for you that this ball of ignorant, small-minded petulance isn't.

Kingp35

Raiser wrote:

This is clearly unworkable - shes shagging you until she finds someone "good" enough for her - she'll become besotted with this new person - who will inevitably dump her cause shes suffering from "persecuted princess syndrome".

People like her (no matter how attractive/marvellous they are) are destined to become spinsters and then in time muttering lonely bag-ladies - leave her to her destiny, the little bovine wench.

Remember you deserve respect at all times - don't formulate lame excuses to allow yourself to be don't be treated like sh1t.

Theres lots of nice human beings out there who'll be everything for you that this ball of ignorant, small-minded petulance isn't.

Exactly. get the hell out of there while you still have some dignity

pickarooney

Oh come on, do you think the OP is stupid? He genuinely wants to make it work with this girl, whose positive qualities he loves, but whose negative ones frustrate the bejesus out of him.
IMHO, he's doing her (and himself) no favours by letting her get away with the crazy stuff. He needs to stand up and make it perfectly clear that it's just not on and he won't stand for it. He also needs to show her that her insane tantrums aren't just water off a duck's back to him. She's begging for some kind of a reaction to show that he's a sentient being who isn't completely immune to the crap she throws at him. The sooner he bawls her out of it, the better. The woman would probably appreciate a bit of role-reversal; show her you're not invulnerable and need some support from her and she may well relish the chance to feel useful.

shellby

i was in a v similar situation for 2 years he however was my bf and the only advice i can offer you is LEAVE its not worth your pride and self value

The Corinthian

If your description is true then she’s a Class-A Drama Queen. She won’t change and you’ll just get more miserable as time goes on until you find you can’t remember how to leave her. Move on and find yourself a new sperm receptacle.

Raiser

pickarooney wrote:

Oh come on, do you think the OP is stupid? He genuinely wants to make it work with this girl, whose positive qualities he loves, but whose negative ones frustrate the bejesus out of him.

Pickarooney - I honestly do not believe that the original poster is stupid. I do think however that they've been trying really hard to raise something up and make it fly when it really should be beaten with the dull edge of a graden spade and put six feet under.

Think Pickarooney - what can this ordinary decent citizen do to turn this "Princess Pestilence" into a nice person? How long should he endure the fights, low self-esteem, isolation, self-doubt and misery that her rampant idiocy thrives on?

- By the sounds of this one he could throw a dart out a window blind-folded and hit a nicer girl - But thats no way to start a relationship....They should however take positive steps and get themselves someone who'll not only treat them with respect but consider themselves fortunate to receive their respect.

And remember Pickarooney - they're not just "misunderstood" or whatever else - real life maladjusted finks live, interact, breathe and breed with people every day......

Dellgirl

Move on and find yourself a new sperm receptacle.

Long live romance!

LegacyUser

Cheers for all the advice. Twas whaty i expected but its good to get it off my chest - i have told her enough times already but she just states that she has high standards and blah blah blah.... still doesn't explain the anger and over-reaction. Anyway, i've given myself soem headspace from her and will just have to put it all behind me an dlearn from it. Its left a bad taste in my mouth but various friends including aniother ex have been very supportive and are with me 100%. Its a bitch loosing someone because they have temper issues but what can i do?

Unfortuneately there is one small hitch in my plan of breaking her spell over me. We go to a festival in England next week as it was planned a while ago - fligts paid for and tickets bought. It was to be 2 of us in a tent for 4 days but she's got her own tent now. This will be a major test of my resolve i reckon as i do have a history of succumbing to her charms and a 4 day music festival may prove a difficult place to swallow it. We haven't talked much since the last row 2 weeks ago but she's definitely still going and so am i.

Let the insanity begin!

If she even starts as much complaining about one single thing, i'll probably go into hysterical laughter seeing as we're officially unconnected except for this little trip. Its a real shame though cos we should be sharing a really nice trip together and her antics have created this limbo between us.

The Corinthian

Blingarella wrote:

Long live romance!

Direct your comments to the original poster petal - that's essentially how he sees her.

Chinafoot

to be honest mate, she sounds like a major diva and is continuing to act that way because you let her.

however, your reasons for sticking around nearly all seem to be based on the sex. as another poster pointed out, are you listening to the head on your shoulders or the one in your pants? seems to be the latter to me.

if you are seriously unhappy with the way things are then walk away. however if you want to continue the physical side of things then i'd suggest you accept the way she is and quit moaning about it.

you'll get nowhere in life by b1tching about things....take some action otherwise nothing will change.

LegacyUser

Yes.. i admit i returned to this girl upteen times after her loosing it because i just find her very attractive. Its sexual attraction alright but we also share a lot of interests too and have similar dysfunctional backgrounds that go a long way to explain her bahaviour of being bitchy and intolerant and my behaviour of being a doormat to her. In the end, it just isn't worth the hassle. Of course i'll miss the sex but i'll miss her too - going to gigs with her, meals, the cinema and all the things we used to do.

As for this trip we're on together. The only thing i can think of doing is to be civil and friendly at a distance. What kills me is that, now that we're not shagging, she'll be less bossy and more tolerant of me. This could very much lead to the attraction thing again and the i'm back to square one - for about the 4th time. I m u s t r e s i s t! I don't want to be ignorant towards her but it seems to be the only way. It annoys me that i'm forced to be unfriendly.

The other solution is for one or both of us to meet someone else - i think this will be the best way but who knows when that will happen.

the_syco

spell-braker wrote:

Unfortuneately there is one small hitch in my plan of breaking her spell over me. We go to a festival in England next week as it was planned a while ago - fligts paid for and tickets bought. It was to be 2 of us in a tent for 4 days but she's got her own tent now. This will be a major test of my resolve i reckon as i do have a history of succumbing to her charms and a 4 day music festival may prove a difficult place to swallow it. We haven't talked much since the last row 2 weeks ago but she's definitely still going and so am i.

Just don't get jeaous when she starts shagging someone in her tent, as "payback". Then she'll really treat you like sh|t.
Get someone for yourself over there. Come on, its a festival: pack a packet of condoms, and have some fun:cool:

BaZmO*

spell-braker wrote:

It annoys me that i'm forced to be unfriendly.

You don't have to be unfriendly to her you just have to stop being her bitch.

spell-braker wrote:

and have similar dysfunctional backgrounds that go a long way to explain her bahaviour of being bitchy and intolerant and my behaviour of being a doormat to her

That's BS tbh. There's no excuse for being an absolute cow to somebody that you are seeing other than the fact that she's being aloud to get away with it.

B.

Sifo

boy do i know how ya feel... it's so hard to stop seeing someone like that.. you know there's this good side to her but it doesnt come out all the time.. she needs to deal with her problems and you need to decide whether you can deal with this sudden change of temperment.. and also whether or not you wanna help her through this...