Right, BIG messed up situation, advice needed

well...

Right, well basically, here it goes.

I just finished TY, it was a great year. During the year, I liked this girl, but got turned down, but got over it. I also became friends with alot of other people in the year that i never really with before. One particular girl, lets call her X, i emailed around dec '04, and started to get to know her. So, we became friends quickly, and texted alot. Hung round in school etc, the usual. So, all went well through the rest of the year, and school finished. We never really hung round outside school, and i didn't want summer to be crap, so i invited her over/went over to hers a few times, and it was great. Now, a few things to note. She's had a boyfriend for over 2 years, who is an acqaintance of mine, since the beginning of '05 he has dropped hints at/threatened to break up with her on 3 occassions. But, these all blew over, went away. Also, sometimes in conversation she would mention how i'm like her boyfriend. Anyway, lately we've become very close friends, texting everyday, going to each others houses multiple times a week etc. She refers to me as her "guy" friend now, someone she can open her heart to (i know, what THAT means). She doesn't have another guy like me, besides maybe her boyfriend. Also, we're also considerate of each others feelings when we text, asking what did we think of the day, at each others house. In the past when her boyfriend hinted at a breakup, she would get very upset, crying etc, i comforted her on those occassions. When we were talking last, she said she no longer minds when he asks to be alone, and asked him were they getting distant from each other, and she doesn't get upset as she used to anymore about him not wanting to see her. Its as if i'm an alternative or something. Anyone any idea whats going on, or what?

Victor

I think she's your friend.

CaptainPeacock

I haven't a clue about any of the issues you've outlined but I think they're dealt with at www.intellectualwhores.com

0utshined

well... wrote:

...Anyone any idea whats going on, or what?

Probably not what you think mate, you're acting like a friend to her and vice versa but she's got a bf and he's not you! If you're interested in her let her know because she may not realise it but brace yourself to be rejected.

well...

yup, thought so. I really hate that thing

DAEDULUS

You are her bitch,you will never be an alternative or more than her bitch,if you try and make a move,you wont even get to be her bitch anymore,not that being someones bitch is a good thing,but it gives you pretty good access to a wider range of women,sad but true

Whatever you do,dont make a move or tell her you like her,because thats just bent...What I would do if I got myself into this situation,which I wouldnt,would stop licking her ass and BE A MAN FOR GOD SAKE,stop asking how her day was and discussing her love life.

mp3guy

yup, this kinda thing happens all the time, this explains it clearly;

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/construction.html

you, unfortunately are on the friends ladder

Victor

DAEDULUS wrote:

You are her bitch

Harsh dude.

0utshined

well... wrote:

yup, thought so. I really hate that thing

Ah don't, enjoy the friendship.

DAEDULUS

Victor wrote:

Harsh dude.

Not really,its the perfect discription of his situation
She calls on him to tell him about her problems.

0utshined

DAEDULUS wrote:

She calls on him to tell him about her problems.

And presumably he can tell her his? If it's a one-way street then you're right but if not they're just friends.

well...

0utshined wrote:

And presumably he can tell her his? If it's a one-way street then you're right but if not they're just friends.

No, its not a one way street, alot of times, i've gone to her for comfort, more times than she has come to me

DAEDULUS

0utshined wrote:

And presumably he can tell her his? If it's a one-way street then you're right but if not they're just friends.

Maybe not but he can sure as hell listen..Which is all she probably wants.

Well... wrote:

No, its not a one way street, alot of times, i've gone to her for comfort, more times than she has come to me

Maybe your just a bitch in general,seriously,you go to a girl for comfort about your problems?

well...

DAEDULUS wrote:

Maybe your just a bitch in general,seriously,you go to a girl for comfort about your problems?

Well, considering most guys are unemotional brick walls when it comes to comfort, yeah, whats wrong with that? And i'm pretty sure accusing people of being a bitch isn't in the charter, correct me if i'm wrong

ergo

mp3guy wrote:

yup, this kinda thing happens all the time, this explains it clearly;

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/construction.html

you, unfortunately are on the friends ladder

LOL at this link, it's feckin hilarious but sadly true

to OP, yeah, it sounds like you're on the friendship ladder unfortunately, her being able to "talk to you about anything" as god as it may sound is usually a clear indicator of so called "friendship" and usually the death knell of any potential relationship

am in kind of a similar situation to yourself,

I get on great with a girl who has an on-again off-agin relationship going on with another guy, am sure it will end sooner or later but I've been careful not to get too close, especially talking to her about how things are with her bf or in your case comforting her cos that is crossing a line I think onto the "friends ladder"

so if you do end up making a move be prepared for the response to potentially not be the one you want but you never know

0utshined

DAEDULUS wrote:

Maybe not but he can sure as hell listen..Which is all she probably wants.

Quotha! Don't be so cynical. It seems to me they're just friends.

CaptainPeacock

I'm no expert now, mind, really, but I've read your post again and that bit where she's downplaying the importance of her boyfriend when talking to you sounds to me like she's giving you the brainfunk pretending you've got a chance and enjoying how mad you are for her. She's torturing you. But she doesn't know how I feel about her, you say. I'm not sure about that, not sure at all...

well...

CaptainPeacock wrote:

I'm no expert now, mind, really, but I've read your post again and that bit where she's downplaying the importance of her boyfriend when talking to you sounds to me like she's giving you the brainfunk pretending you've got a chance and enjoying how mad you are for her. She's torturing you. But she doesn't know how I feel about her, you say. I'm not sure about that, not sure at all...

i know what you mean, it doesn't quite fit the standard "just a friend" thing for me. I've had that before, and this doesn't seem the same. Sorry i couldn't be more specific, explaining things is hard, trying to crunch down so much info

drdre

donot worry,it'll all be fine

CaptainPeacock

well... wrote:

i know what you mean, it doesn't quite fit the standard "just a friend" thing for me. I've had that before, and this doesn't seem the same. Sorry i couldn't be more specific, explaining things is hard, trying to crunch down so much info

Yeah, lots of variables or whatever. I'm not sure what I'm doing trying to give you advice to help you get laid, anyway.

LegacyUser

get her to set u up with a nice girl friend of hers...watch her reaction
worked for me

Talliesin

You're friends.

There's some chemistry also.

It's probably never going to be anything else.

It might.

But it probably won't.

Friendship is good, chemistry is good. Can you manage to just enjoy them? If so, do. If not, lay your cards on the table and take your chances.

Jivin Turkey

well... wrote:

Right, well basically, here it goes.

I just finished TY, it was a great year. During the year, I liked this girl, but got turned down, but got over it. I also became friends with alot of other people in the year that i never really with before. One particular girl, lets call her X, i emailed around dec '04, and started to get to know her. So, we became friends quickly, and texted alot. Hung round in school etc, the usual. So, all went well through the rest of the year, and school finished. We never really hung round outside school, and i didn't want summer to be crap, so i invited her over/went over to hers a few times, and it was great. Now, a few things to note. She's had a boyfriend for over 2 years, who is an acqaintance of mine, since the beginning of '05 he has dropped hints at/threatened to break up with her on 3 occassions. But, these all blew over, went away. Also, sometimes in conversation she would mention how i'm like her boyfriend. Anyway, lately we've become very close friends, texting everyday, going to each others houses multiple times a week etc. She refers to me as her "guy" friend now, someone she can open her heart to (i know, what THAT means). She doesn't have another guy like me, besides maybe her boyfriend. Also, we're also considerate of each others feelings when we text, asking what did we think of the day, at each others house. In the past when her boyfriend hinted at a breakup, she would get very upset, crying etc, i comforted her on those occassions. When we were talking last, she said she no longer minds when he asks to be alone, and asked him were they getting distant from each other, and she doesn't get upset as she used to anymore about him not wanting to see her. Its as if i'm an alternative or something. Anyone any idea whats going on, or what?

While Im deeply concerned for your personal matter..................

on a more serious note, you will never pass your leaving cert until you are able to use paragraphs.

well...

Talliesin wrote:

You're friends.

There's some chemistry also.

It's probably never going to be anything else.

It might.

But it probably won't.

Friendship is good, chemistry is good. Can you manage to just enjoy them? If so, do. If not, lay your cards on the table and take your chances.

I see, but theres also the fact that she random texts me, telling me how much she loves me to bits and can't stop thinking about me.

0utshined

Do you not think you should have included that in your first post?

Talliesin

well... wrote:

I see, but theres also the fact that she random texts me, telling me how much she loves me to bits and can't stop thinking about me.

I think that increases the odds of the laying your cards on the table thing going well then.

well...

0utshined wrote:

Do you not think you should have included that in your first post?

Heh, yeah, I should have... i didn't think of it at the time since it was a while since i got one, and I only just got one last night.

DAEDULUS

well... wrote:

I see, but theres also the fact that she random texts me, telling me how much she loves me to bits and can't stop thinking about me.

I dont believe you/ or your telling the truth and exaggerating what she says..

If she sent messages like,"I really like you and i cant stop thinking about you",I have no idea why you make a thread like this when its pretty damn clear whats shes wants..Even though I dont think this kind of thing EVER happens,a girl talks tells you about her relationship problems that she has WITH YOUR FRIEND,and tells you that she wants your bits at the same time...Highly unlikely.

What I think she sends you....More like,"Your such a nice guy,I feel I can tell you anything", and "Your so sweet,I really love talking to you",which is good,BUT SHE DOES NOT MEAN THAT IN THE WAY YOU WANT HER TO!

well...

DAEDULUS wrote:

I dont believe you/ or your telling the truth and exaggerating what she says..

If she sent messages like,"I really like you and i cant stop thinking about you",I have no idea why you make a thread like this when its pretty damn clear whats shes wants..Even though I dont think this kind of thing EVER happens,a girl talks tells you about her relationship problems that she has WITH YOUR FRIEND,and tells you that she wants your bits at the same time...Highly unlikely.

What I think she sends you....More like,"Your such a nice guy,I feel I can tell you anything", and "Your so sweet,I really love talking to you",which is good,BUT SHE DOES NOT MEAN THAT IN THE WAY YOU WANT HER TO!

Seriously dude, who the f*ck do you think you are? Just piss off, i don't want your advice, saying I lie about what I post, why the f*ck would I do that?

DAEDULUS

First of all,my advice is right..haha

Why would you lie? I didnt say lie,I said exaggerate the truth,why would you do this? For alot of reasons,you dont want to face the fact that all your ass licking has come to no good,In hope that somebody will see the magical truth that you want to hear that all along,this girl has been wanting to tell you she likes you aswell but doesnt no how to say it...YOUR NOT GOING TO GET IN HER PANTS...EVER,which IS what you want,and you know it.. get over it.

Thread should be closed now tbh

CaptainPeacock

I hope that is the case, because then my guess, that she's dangling before you a carrot that you can't have, would be correct. Keep us informed, will you?

scuba steve

If she says she loves you to bits and that yere great friends, theres a chance she could be just playing with your head. Take Jo to tha E's advice and ask her to set you up with someone

Bottle_of_Smoke

Dude, in your first post you said you got rejected by some chic. This the same one you're now best mates with? or was that just random information?

The way you've told the story it sounds like she likes you tbh. So providing you're giving an accurate account of her behaviour ya may as well give it a go.

Berger

DAEDULUS you dont have a clue about girls so shut the hell up.

DAEDULUS

ok then,maybe I'm wrong, but unless you can tell me whats stupid about my posts you can -edit this line because I'd probably get banned-

Also,wtf do you know,your obviously confused about your sexuality having to post pictures of somebody totally random on the hot-or-not thread pretending you were a girl

Berger

I have not read the charter and I have just got banned.

Nevyn

Banned for a week
No personal attcks or insults.
Please read the charter,
HAve a nice day,
Thaed

DAEDULUS

what did he say???

Peteee

'I love you to bits' is friend territory i'm afraid.

However 'I cant stop thinking of you' is a bit of a pickle.

Do what someone said and ask her to set you up with a friend. The split second after you say this is the most important, watch her face and dont blink, and everything will become clear!

Sifo

sorry mate but even if yis do get together the chances of it working out are slim.. you already know too much if ya know wat i mean...

ADUB?

I agree with DAEDULUS, I think you (OP) are reading, what you want to read into this, and not the actual texts etc
Wording is critical 'if she said I really like you' - thats friends
If she said I LOVE you -- then not friends and wants more

Thing is you can sit hear and debate till cows come home OR you can ask her out, make it a passable remark like she makes to you! make her guess and what her reactions! Instead of you second guessing yourself all the time.