Destiny?

Le Rack

Whats a heartbeat?
But an instant.
Whats an instant?
But a lifetime.
Whats a lifetime?
But,
A que for another show;
And a dark show it is.
Death.
T.minus your life and counting.

Did you purchase your soul?
And have you sold it on?
"Whats your destination?"
You're standing alone on platform two.
In the middle of Central Station.

Will you pay Charon?
Or will you start a tab?
Skip between this life and that?

Another broken string
Music still played,
Not as sweet.
The ends are frayed,
but the path is clear.

Nothing in life is irreplaceable.
But you.
Your heartbeat.
Your moth-breath.
Your scent.
You.

stevejazzx

i like the last 2 verses
try to mathch the rest of the poem up to them (other verses dont really work ithink - t. minus your life and counting in particular and the did you pay charon bit)

Le Rack

thats cuz its constructed of purely random thoughts that came from one another. I dunno I kinda like it...regardless

shiv

Le Rack, I have to say I'm impressed with this piece and its style and tone.
I agree with the other critique but still see it as fairly strong without the changes. The last verse in particular is great.
Well done!

Le Rack

yay! thanx Shiv! I know its random but thats the idea, life is random, think about it, how do you get from a shy little girl next door to the kinkiest ass b!tch in town with a fair reputation, bad example but it works for me...