Just need some plain old advice!

Jahl

Alright, I dont really know where to start but here goes....

I suppose I should start with out details, we're both 21 and are coming up on 3 years together. Just started our second year living together.

Anyway my girlfriend recently went interrailing for 4 weeks with her bestfriend. Originally she wanted me to go but I said I didn't have the cash to go at the start of the summer so I suggested she wait and we could go later on. (The reason I couldnt afford it is that I had just used most of my cash to pay the first months rent for both of us on our new place)

Then with two weeks notice she tells my shes going anyway, I asked why she didnt wait and she said that she thought I didn't want to go and it was too late to cancel anything. I was then left alone for the four weeks in a new apartment and I grew very depressed from the constant lonliness. Don't get me wrong I went out with friends and had fun but it's not really the same when you wake up alone and go to bed alone etc etc.

Anyway I struggled through and she came back a while ago. But things aren't the same. I tried to explain how I felt but she didnt seems to understand and today she decided to go off with her friends to the for a daytrip, only asking me as an afterthought. I don't know if I'm being selfish but I'd just like to spend some quality time with her.

Frankly I don't know how to feel anymore.

Einstein

fair play dude, you did better then a lot of 21 year olds would do if they're partner went away for a month.

Theres no doubt that travelling changes people. I travelled for 3 months and it changed me big time!
Talk to her and tell her what you feel, 3 years together at 21 is tough too. It's worth talking things out because theres nothing worse being with someone let alone living with them, if there's unhappy vibes in the air.

Good luck

D..

Zulu

Honestly? It dosen't sound like shes considering you too much. Perhaps you should sit her down and explain that consideration is important to you. It's important you don't let this escalate into either accusations or an argument. Keep it calm, and try not to mince your words.
If she really cares, she'll understand and things will be cool. If she freaks - we'll then you know she dosen't really care.

Kell

Had she done this sort of thing before the inter-railing thingy?

Its a bit rough moving in with someone and then legging it for a month without a care for your partners feelings. Had ye agreed that the trip was going to be deferred?

K-

Jahl

She hasn't done it before no, she did go to America for 3 months at the start of the relationship as a Camp Councillor but that had been planned well in advance of us ever meeting each other.

I have tried to explain to her and she said she understood but then she pulled todays stunt so I'm unsure.

We both love each other lots so there's no chance of the issue escalating out of hand or us breaking up but I'm still a little troubled if you understand me.

Oh and thanks for all the advice guys, much appreciated.

Zulu

I wouldn't worry too much about todays eposode tbh.. But do be carefull it dosen't happen too often.

/edit

you could say something like: are you p1ssed off about something? - it's just you didn't seem to want me to come along today, it was like you invited me as an aftertaught, and I figured it was best to give you your space. You sure everything is cool?

MrBigglesworth

Book a weekend away somewhere for the both of yas. Soon. After interrailing for a few weeks I would say it takes a while to get back to the "normal" way of things.

Jahl

LOL, way ahead of you Bigglesworth.

StandnDeliver

you should spend more time with your mates have a certain days for ur mates and then certain days u do something together ,yeah bring her out for a picnic that way u wont be spending cash u dont have on a meal,and sit her down and see whatsgoing on with her,and whats she thinks of ya moving in together.
maybe shes frightened shes losing her freedom or something

shellby

i can understand that it was upsetting when she went away a month can seen forever if your missing someone

i think if you are going to be living together then quite simply you need to talk openly and honestly about your feelings toward the situation

when you move in with someone you get used to spending time with eachother but no real quality time with eachother so i think the weekend away is an excellent idea

Jahl

We already lived together for a little over a year so we've alread worked through the problems associated with all that business. I've no problem with her going off with her friends but I'm basically starting to worry that she'll start travelling more and more often. While I understand that time apart can be good, it's the fact that I'm working to make the cash to travel when she decides to do these things, so I just can't go.

Shabadu

It sounds like you're not communicating as well as you could be. Myself and my boyfriend, actually fiancé now, went through a long patch of that uneasy wierdness which gradually disintegrated into full-on crappiness and arguing.

Once we finally started communicating, (we had already broken up for a while at this stage) our relationship completely turned around. There is nothing as frustrating as feeling trapped and lonely in a long-term relationship with someone you love.

Try and just say what you're thinking and not to fall into the trap of playing out the same scenarios/arguements/conversations that can happen if you've been together for a while.

Jahl

Thanks everyone, for all your advice and help. It's all sorted now, had a long auld chat and it all gravy.

dudara

Shabadu wrote:

Once we finally started communicating, (we had already broken up for a while at this stage) our relationship completely turned around. There is nothing as frustrating as feeling trapped and lonely in a long-term relationship with someone you love

God Shabadu, you've gotten it so spot on there in your last sentence. It's the worst feeling in the world to be with the person you love so much and yet be alone due to a lack of communication.

To the OP, I can't add anything new, than I'm glad to hear you had a chat, and remember to develop this into a habit