How to gently dissuade someone?

Virus_Inc

Friend of a friend has taken a bit of shine to me, have met her a few times thru a mutual friend. She is the nice, quiet girl-nextdoor type so it really suprised me when she got hold of my number & asked me out. She's nice enough & good craic but I dont think I really like her in that way... (I would've gone thru the mutual friend but she left the country last weekend ) I dont really want to just say it outright, any suggestions on how I can let her down easy and not make her feel totally bummed out?

Sherifu

You could tell her you're attached unless she knows you're single.
I presume you don't mind lying?

bandraoi

look, she is going to feel bummed out, doesn't matter what you do, what you way or how you say it.

Therefore the nicest thing you can do is to say it, say it clearly, say it nicely, say it up front and straight out and to her face. Don't leave her with either doubt or hope.
Sure she'll be bummed, but it's like ripping off a plaster, saying it gently and delicately will only cause her more pain in the long run.

lordgoat

bandraoi wrote:

look, she is going to feel bummed out, doesn't matter what you do, what you way or how you say it.

Therefore the nicest thing you can do is to say it, say it clearly, say it nicely, say it up front and straight out and to her face. Don't leave her with either doubt or hope.
Sure she'll be bummed, but it's like ripping off a plaster, saying it gently and delicately will only cause her more pain in the long run.

i agree, if you really don't want to see her, make it clear and definitive.

Corksham

Just tell her the truth, honesty is the best policy

She'll get over it

Virus_Inc

Hrmmm true I suppose, was hoping to maintain the 'friends' bit but I know many girls would get rather embarrassed after pursuing someone and being rejected...

IANOC

yup honesty is the only way
nice and gentle does it

Talliesin

Virus_Inc wrote:

Hrmmm true I suppose, was hoping to maintain the 'friends' bit but I know many girls would get rather embarrassed after pursuing someone and being rejected...

Put the friend bit on the table at the same time, tell her you'd love to go for a drink or whatever with her, but that it would be just a drink.

Granted she may still feel embarassed, but it doesn't just tell her that you're still prepared to be friends, but also that you aren't going to have any awkwardness from your end about her having asked you out so there is less reason for her to have any.

bandraoi

Put the friend bit on the table at the same time, tell her you'd love to go for a drink or whatever with her, but that it would be just a drink.

yes but when you call her for that drink, she'll be getting her hopes up and if you don't then you're letting her down and hurting her some more.

Leave the friends thing, it can happen in a month or two, but not yet.

If you do it politely but firmly and leaving no doubt, then when you see her with a group of friends it won't be awkward - they won't know, which always helps. After a whilie you can be friends.

Talliesin

bandraoi wrote:

yes but when you call her for that drink, she'll be getting her hopes up and if you don't then you're letting her down and hurting her some more.

Oh, I meant if she asks him again. Agreed that calling her with such a proposal would be pointlessly disappointing.

gom

If you don't mind lying tell her you prefare Guys.
A girl let me down by saying "I prefare girls... but if I was straight, you would be in there"... made me feel all fluffy for the rest of the day.

Give it a shot!

*Page*

out straight to her face.
I'm sorry but I'm not into you that way, Sorry.

leave it like that

*Page*

Virus_Inc wrote:

Hrmmm true I suppose, was hoping to maintain the 'friends' bit but I know many girls would get rather embarrassed after pursuing someone and being rejected...

I'm sorry but re- read what you wrote and relax...Girls are not these strange creatures or anything like that..

Girls like you guys would prefer to hear the truth!

We all would like to be sure the person didnt get hurt but the only way youd do that is by saying yes (this only prolongs the time before she does get hurt)

its like taking a stick plaster of your knee.. on quike move and the pain is over and your already starting to forget about it!!

BEAT

seriously, you have to be honest with her or she will still carry a flame hoping one day you will come around. Be straight forward and say you dont like her in that way but you'd like to be friends. We appreacite honesty more than you know.
If you dont say it she will think that somewhere down deep you may like her and she wont let go.
Tell her bluntly so she can move on to the next guy

After a brief period of embarrassment she will hopefully be able to laugh about it and hang out with ya no feelings attached

johnnyc

why dont you give her a try and see how you feel after the date. if you dont get the right vibe tell her then?

ADUB?

OP
You could try the novel approach using three simple words

I am Gay

---

Now that would work, but would probably create other issues for you, But its a quick solution

Seriously though just say to her 'dont think of you in that way, youre a good mate and would like to stay mates only'

Tobias Greeshman

OK as for the advice about making her believe your GAY will only cause more trouble than its worth. Just imagine her telling your friends and all her friends and before you know it you got a nasty rumour going around about you, that you indirectly caused.

@OP: Just be honest with her, Id just try and make it sound as un-blunt as possible, while making sure there's no confusion as to what your feelings towards her are (dont know if its possible to do this without coming across as sounding at least a little blunt).

MooShop

just tell her straight that you dont like her, ye dint really know each other and ye havent forged a relationship so there's no need to wrap it in cotton wool for her just tell her straight, its the best way

weemcd

"i'm not gay but i can learn"

seriously tho, being honnest is best. Set her straight and tell her you want to remain friends.