Cheating Friend

sprinkles

I have 3 house mates 2 of whom starting going out with 2 girls (who were friends). Lets call the lads Pete and Bob.

Now Pete never really in a relationship before so he took the whole thing very seriously. He didn't even look at another girl for the duration of the "romance" and he went a bit over board in the stalkery kinda way (only in the way he was talking about her, he didn't actually stalk her afaik)

Anyway Bob and his gf were getting on really well and it looked as if she was falling for him. Pete however got dumped and took it really hard. Now they were only going out maybe 2 months or so and they saw each other once a week if even so it's a bit Dawson to react the way he did but it was his first gf so it's kinda understandable.

Right so, Bob continued on happily until we started to suspect something was going on with him and a girl he works with (who he had scored before and who also is going out with someone). So we came home one night to find Bob and his work friend up to no good. I didn't really care to be honest. He's his own man and can do what he wants but Pete took it really hard because he was cheating on Petes ex's friend.

Pete has lost all respect for Bob and is massively depressed due to a combination of being dumped and Bob's cheating ways. Pete wants to tell Bobs gf because "he respects her too much to let it go on" but I reckon its because he wants to seem really sound to them by bringing the information forward and apologising on Bob's behalf and because bob's gf is the only link he has back to his ex (Does 2 months really credit her being called an ex???)

Anyway, I think that is an incredibly selfish thing to do, or even think about doing. I'll have to sit him down and talk to him but what do I say?

The only way Bob is going to learn not to treat women like that is for the whole thing to blow up in his face so he can learn a lesson but I'm not getting involved or should I? The atmosphere in the flat is somewhat subdued at the minute What should I say to Pete and should I say anything to Bob?

HelterSkelter

Tell Pete to mind his own damn business.

uberwolf

Pete will not be doing it out of the goodness of his heart and more out of recriminanation for a failed relationship on his end. The Ex/s friend isn't really a friend of his and so he owes her no loyalty.

TBH he STFU, whilst being complicit in some respects as you now know - it's not your call to make. Leave Bob at it, and tell Pete to grow the fúck up

MojoMaker

Tell Pete not to do anything before he finishes his junior cert.

meditraitor

Let pete make his own mistakes, he can only learn that getting involved in someones elses dirt never brings the desired results, the fall out will probably knock that adolecent crap out of him..

bob is being a plonker but its his life...

gom

Tell Pete he is going to have to look for another place to live if he chooses to tell his ex's friend. Personally I think he has no intention of telling his ex's friend. He will tell his ex. Kudos for Pete.

Basically I think housemates need to have a level of trust. What happens in your 4 walls stays in your 4 walls. The only exceptions are blindingly clear, e.g. concern for the health and well-being of the flat-mate, Flat-mate's gf/bf is a very close friend of someone in the flat(its always obvious as the bold flat-mate will have a word with said friend of gf/bf about the affair) or your mother is cheating on your father with one of your flat-mates.

Pete's a tool and needs to be told the consequences of his actions. If he wants the kudos for 'telling' then he can find a new flat.

WhiteWashMan

tell pete to grow up and stop being such a whinging arse.
sounds like he needs to get his hangups sorted out before he starts having an opinion on anyone else.

Zulu

If it wasn't against the charter, I'd advise to slap Pete upside the head - but it's against the charter, so I won't say slap Pete upside the head.

Instead, I'd suggest Pete is being a little immature.

MooShop

not going to write a big long post just say that i agree with ALL of the above posts!!

sprinkles

Yeah I'm going to have to sort Pete out. He's completely out of his depth when it come to relationships etc and there is no need to go ratting on your mate for whatever reason. Bob needs to cop on but talking to him won't help, he needs to make his mistake and hopefully he'll learn from it.

*Page*

pete is jealous.
bobs an a$$.

Your best bet is to stay out of it because if it looks like your taking sides you might be the one who ends up getting burned!

Boggle

Basically I think housemates need to have a level of trust. What happens in your 4 walls stays in your 4 walls.

Exactly. If he does anything then he should be kicked out - I mean can you trust anyone who's rat his mates out when it suits him?

As for Bob - let him make his own mistakes and stay out of it. Sounds like he's young enough so its a good time for him to get this lesson out of the way. Life will go on regardless...

sprinkles

Boggle wrote:

Exactly. If he does anything then he should be kicked out - I mean can you trust anyone who's rat his mates out when it suits him?

As for Bob - let him make his own mistakes and stay out of it. Sounds like he's young enough so its a good time for him to get this lesson out of the way. Life will go on regardless...

The thing is we're all best mates so I don't think kicking him out is an option, don't think I'd like that to happen anyway but I understand your point.

As regards age, we're all 22ish

Corksham

I agree with *Page*

Tobias Greeshman

To OP, as you already suggested yourself try and knock some common sense in Petes general direction (I mean talk to him and make him see sense not beat it into him) and leave it at that! Id leave Bob be, he's going to get burnt anyway and sounds like he needs to as well! Stand back and hope the 3 of you are friends at the end of it!

Shabadu

What worries me a bit is that you say Bob's girlfriend is starting to fall for him. Mebbe you or pete should chat her up a bit or something? It's definitly not Pete's place to say anything about Bob's infidelity to her, but try and make her a little more interested in other guys so she doesn't get her heart so broken if/when she finds out yer man has been cheating on her.

BEAT

Everyone should mind thier own buisness,
stay out of others business and pay attention to your own life,
its the only way to live happily.

Let others screw themselves unless they Ask you for advice...they usually dont want it if they dont ask,
and even then you have to be careful with some people.

I'd say since you all live together dont talk about it with pete or bob, just tell pete it isnt your problem so you want no part of it.

Thats how I get along with my roomate, she keeps fukin up her life but I say nothing because if I did there would be hard feelings and I need a place to live

Son_of_Belial

meditraitor wrote:

Let pete make his own mistakes, he can only learn that getting involved in someones elses dirt never brings the desired results, the fall out will probably knock that adolecent crap out of him..

bob is being a plonker but its his life...

Yeah, there's no point in getting involved. Let them at it. It sounds like it's all going to reach boiling point fairly soon. Pete seems a little naïve if he thinks that people are going to thank him for being a tattle-tale. No one likes a grass, no matter what your point of view, and especially when it's none of the squealing dope's bees-wax, savvy? I wouldn't tell him this of course. Tell him not to do it, but after that let him do his own thing. It gives you "I told you so" status and hence a modicum of immunity. Looks like they both need to learn a lesson and experience is the best teacher... That said, when the shít hits the fan, it looks like either Pete or Bob are going to be moving out. I smell a punch-up cooking... Also I can see why Pete's never had a girlfriend up until recently, and even then why he wasn't able to hang onto her.

iguana

*Page* wrote:

pete is jealous.
bobs an a$$.

Your best bet is to stay out of it because if it looks like your taking sides you might be the one who ends up getting burned!

I couldn't agree more!

Hydroquinone

*Page* wrote:

pete is jealous.
bobs an a$$.

Your best bet is to stay out of it because if it looks like your taking sides you might be the one who ends up getting burned!

Absolutely.
And if you don't believe it, try thinking what you would think if you were either Pete or Bob and you heard yourself saying anyting

If you were Pete you'd reckon Sprinkles hadn't a scooby and was a crap mate
If you were Bob you'd think Sprinkles was a only jealous crap mate.

So both of 'em would end up thinking you were a prat.

Little Goose

I think Pete will hopefully mature with a bit more experience. Bob needs a good talking to. I'm assuming you and pete can talk to him since you are best friends? Cheating is not a good way to carry on and I hate these people who just stand by and say "I's his life, he can do what he wants" - I don't think it's fair to let someone do what they want when it has the potential to hurt someone else. I'd tell Bob to cop on to himself. I don't tolerate sh!t like that and if someone was cheating on me, I'd want to know about it and not be made an idiot.