Fallout with friend!

claireoby

Ok i have a long problem to tell but i need advice!

I was really good mates with this girl mary, really really close, we got friendly when we both moved to college. she introduced me to one of her friends joe. when i met him, i didnt fancy him, but we got on really well. she told me that he was with one of her friends b4, but it didnt work out, and she was quite upset bout him bn with her, but she's still best mates with the girl that he was with. i always thought she just fancied him, thats all. so after xmas i started developin feelings 2wards joe but was so convinced that he would never like me i just ignored the fact i liked him. i never told mary, because i thought she'd tell him...and i be shamed. so round easter me and joe started txtin each other more and more...and at one point he txted me "i thnk i luv u", but i completely disregarded this coz he was drunk. i never told mary that we were txtin coz i was so convinced that we were just txtin as friends...so after a few weeks he invites me out for a drink with his best mate, another guy, and i meet him. true i suppose i never meet him without mary but she had gone home that wkend so it was ok, and i suppose i was so nervous coz i didnt kno wat was goin 2 happen i drank a bit too much...i remember it bn 11 o clock, but the next thing i remember is it bn 5 oclock and me and joe are bk in my flat makin out.i can totally remember thinkin that he didnt like me, nothing would happen, his best mate was with us for christs sake!! (still have no idea how he left us..)

so anyway the nxt mornin i thought it would only be the right thing to do but do tell mary wat happened. so when i told her she completely freaked. she told me she cud never b my friend ever again coz i had gone behind her bk, and un known to me in my blackout i had rang her accusin her of fancyin joe. i have no recollection of anything! now she wont talk to me or meet me to let me explain, and now and then i get nasty txts off her sayin i took her mate away coz he wont talk to her now coz how she reacted. i'm really upset coz i lost a mate and she told me that he was only with me to get her attention,coz she hadnt bn hangin out with him lately!she also told me after that she had made him promise to never be with any of her friends again after the last time, something i didnt kno, and yet he was still with me?

she said that she's upset coz if we did end up goin out and one of us did the rat on each other she wouldnt kno whose side to take..but for christs sake we're not goin out..it was just a one time thing...and i'm still friends with joe. now he's gone away for the summer and i'm left with her not talkin to me...all my friends say i did nothing wrong, but theyre my friends, i need an objective view..is she right to never talk to me again??

Dizzyblabla

All's fair in Love and War as the saying goes... but if it was just a random score, it may not have been worth it, boys are never worth a friendship that way, but if you and joe are going to make something of it, then maybe your friend should just be happy for you.

She might just feel used cause he's been with a friend of her's before, the same thing can happen with friends and brothers/sisters, it's a taboo!!

She shouldn't not talk to you, but you may have been particularly nasty on the phone when you called her in midst scoring with her friend.... If you guys were friends a long time, then just give her a week or two and then give her a call, let her know that you really didn't know how strongly she felt about it, and apologise, if she doesn't answer the phone, then leave her a voice message....

claireoby

well this happened 2 months ago, and we havnt spoken since then.i have tried to explain what happened via txts but u can never say things properly in messages. she will not meet me. i have rang her and she doesnt answer, so mayb i will leave her a voice mail.. i have bumped into her on nites out but she ignores me. my friends say she's not worth the hassle but they dont kno..its easier said than done! and then i think well if she doesnt want 2 kno me mayb i sud respect her opinion..

after i was with joe,i didnt think it wud b a once off...but i dont mind that it was...yeah i suppose it is like bn with a bro of a friend...the thing is i have apologised, a good amount of times...she doesnt want to kno..but perhaps i was nasty on the phone to her, but she didnt mention that i was. i've always said that people dont change under the influence of drink...but i dont even remember what i did!!its so frustrating. i asked joe a few times what exactly happened that night but he always wriggled his way out of answering.

Dizzyblabla

then he wsn't worth it at all.. what a disappointment...
I'm sorry, I know it can be hard to loose a friend, but if you've made an effort and she doesn't want to know, then maybe it's her who isn't worth it. I fell out with a friend of mine about 5 months ago, (all her fault) and tried to make it up with her, but got tired of giving her chances, your friend may have been hurt, but like I said earlier, no boy is worth it...
Joe obviously wasn't, and the fact that you can't remember, I'd get yourself checked out in case you did more than make out.... Specially if he won't tell you what went on...

claireoby

Dizzyblabla wrote:

then he wsn't worth it at all.. what a disappointment...
but like I said earlier, no boy is worth it...
Joe obviously wasn't, QUOTE]

i wish i knew that he wasnt worth it before this happened!!! i have definately learned a vvvvv important lesson from this...no guy is worth riskin a friendship, but i didnt even kno it would risk a friendship. so i'll just have 2 avoid any guy that is linked to any friend!!argh..

yeah, i dont see anyway of resolvin the matter...will just have to forget bout it....

bandraoi

Look, stop apologising to her and running after her. Have some self respect and stand up for yourself. You didn't do anything wrong.

I'd say send her one e-mail, lay your cards on the table.

Dear X,

I kissed Y, he was single, I was single.
Though I'm sorry if you're upset about it, I can't for the life of me understand why as it has and had nothing whatsoever to do with you.
As such I see no reason for your recent behaviour and would like an explanation.

Z

claireoby

bandraoi wrote:

Look, stop apologising to her and running after her. Have some self respect and stand up for yourself. You didn't do anything wrong.

I'd say send her one e-mail, lay your cards on the table.

Dear X,

I kissed Y, he was single, I was single.
Though I'm sorry if you're upset about it, I can't for the life of me understand why as it has and had nothing whatsoever to do with you.
As such I see no reason for your recent behaviour and would like an explanation.

Z

Yes!! we were both free agents...thnk she has a bit of control issues...she doesnt control wat we both do! he said that actually at the beginning...its not like shes his girlfriend..he can be with whoever we wants, as can i. but she does go into this whole "trust" argument...she cant trust me anymore, and therefore she doesnt want b my friend. whish makes me think..why would i want to be friends with her, she obviously cant see past one thing i did..(i've never fallen out with anyone b4). but i do want to fix it. i valued her friendship a whole lot more than she obviously does!!!

yes i think i will stop apologising...i certainly have said it enough times...

Chucky the tree

Heres a letter i would write.


Dear bunnyboiler.
Love, your a physcho. I am delighted i have found out now, and you have decided to steer clear of me. You clearly fancy him and are upset he likes me more then you.

Ever ask yourself why? Its because you are mentally unstable. SO please, cop on to yourself. Joe isnt going to touch you with his barge poll so move on. Accept i scored him and grow up for christ sake.

Yours lovingly
Claire
XXXX

Dub_Ster

u liked him hed liked you what wrong shes just a little mad and jelous forget about it ....
she sound like a nutter tell her to go away and she rite she did overeact and the rest id say is just bull **** ... dont feel bad i think you where honest with her but shore thats the way some people take things ....Oh i meen thay cant ...