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some poems i wrote years ago that i still like

  • 19-06-2005 7:25pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,247 ✭✭✭


    Asleep in time


    All that swirls inside this drowsy dream-like state
    Passing of day to nights old cloak tide.

    All that whirls wondrous delights of calm,
    To soothing wounds suffused in balm.

    All that hazes in the deadness of everything
    The quiet rooms where souls silently shudder

    All the laughing winds and heartless moons
    And restless skies that leave time behind

    All this delirium of love to weep
    Endlessly the path of crystal tears

    All in all a tragedy like circumstance
    bound upon a man like an illness.

    Between us

    From you to me, point A to point B
    Is as big or small as we want it to be
    Our souls rejoice our souls sing
    For between us lies nothing and everything
    We’re one and one not a simple two
    Together we’re one and I know you
    Our souls parade as if already made
    For between us there is nothing we can feel that can fade

    From you to me point A to point B
    A distance complicated by simplicity
    Our souls rebound an echoing sound
    We’re lost between us never to be found
    A solitary two we’re singularly untrue
    Joined like a circle broken in two
    Our souls see that we are free
    Within each others eternity
    From you to me point A to point B
    Lies us between us a symmetry

    PF

    One greasy toiling deftly done
    Towering avarice in everyone
    Devils grip, hells fire smile
    In the eyes of justice, denial
    One soft moment, an honest look
    Buried inside a buried book
    One thousand voices trembling home
    A thousand voices yet I’m alone
    Times black summer night
    Had no reflection in future light
    Where evil noises sound so right
    And heavens image out of sight
    Numbers rattling through my mind
    Descending ravage in fine time
    And as those shady streets unwind
    Journeys to another time
    Where a cursed wrath in wholesome bind
    Chains the soul of one so kind
    The flailing leaves in the autumn sun
    Is contradiction defined in one
    And I am left like everyone
    Dead and soulless yet still so young


Comments

  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 847 ✭✭✭pcwares


    Do you read your soul out loud atall. Im wondering if you should give it a try. Those lobes and caves on the side of you head are there for a reason. Give it a crack and see what happens. If you have fair enough. I find that roaring it out the window while my crackpot, drunkard neighbours are busy destroying their lives and the lives of people around me serves me well. In my own mind. Or the poetic part of the life i suppose. While saying it to yourself - you may very well delight in parts or all - no counting for taste - and you may also cringe at other parts. Dont shy away from either. Harness it and as young macbeth said 'ill die with harness on my back'. That may be one little technique you could employ.

    A rhyme is always going to get a kicking at the office for this and that. Know yourself - People think its too 'convenient' etc. Boll@x to the begrudger. However i may revisit the rhyme scheme of mine again in response to oddly aromoatic opinions.

    In Contradiction v Is Contradiction. The line above it and the line contained the Is Contradicition stood out of the page for me. I might suggest losing the Is and In - sometimes a kind of stop or ebb to the flow cautions the reader and gives perspective and depth.


    pcwares


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,247 ✭✭✭stevejazzx


    cheers for the feedback
    I never have read out loud, I read internally trying to balance the music of the words. I might try the out loud thing although it seems to me like one of psuedo therapeutic methods common amoung new age english teachers and the ilk


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 847 ✭✭✭pcwares


    well you get a more objective perception of the sonorous qualities or frailties of the rhythm. Internalised sounds wouldnt do it for you always. I forgot to mention the only 2 lines that stood out.

    pcwares


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