some poems i wrote years ago that i still like

stevejazzx

Asleep in time


All that swirls inside this drowsy dream-like state
Passing of day to nights old cloak tide.

All that whirls wondrous delights of calm,
To soothing wounds suffused in balm.

All that hazes in the deadness of everything
The quiet rooms where souls silently shudder

All the laughing winds and heartless moons
And restless skies that leave time behind

All this delirium of love to weep
Endlessly the path of crystal tears

All in all a tragedy like circumstance
bound upon a man like an illness.

Between us

From you to me, point A to point B
Is as big or small as we want it to be
Our souls rejoice our souls sing
For between us lies nothing and everything
We’re one and one not a simple two
Together we’re one and I know you
Our souls parade as if already made
For between us there is nothing we can feel that can fade

From you to me point A to point B
A distance complicated by simplicity
Our souls rebound an echoing sound
We’re lost between us never to be found
A solitary two we’re singularly untrue
Joined like a circle broken in two
Our souls see that we are free
Within each others eternity
From you to me point A to point B
Lies us between us a symmetry

PF

One greasy toiling deftly done
Towering avarice in everyone
Devils grip, hells fire smile
In the eyes of justice, denial
One soft moment, an honest look
Buried inside a buried book
One thousand voices trembling home
A thousand voices yet I’m alone
Times black summer night
Had no reflection in future light
Where evil noises sound so right
And heavens image out of sight
Numbers rattling through my mind
Descending ravage in fine time
And as those shady streets unwind
Journeys to another time
Where a cursed wrath in wholesome bind
Chains the soul of one so kind
The flailing leaves in the autumn sun
Is contradiction defined in one
And I am left like everyone
Dead and soulless yet still so young

pcwares

Do you read your soul out loud atall. Im wondering if you should give it a try. Those lobes and caves on the side of you head are there for a reason. Give it a crack and see what happens. If you have fair enough. I find that roaring it out the window while my crackpot, drunkard neighbours are busy destroying their lives and the lives of people around me serves me well. In my own mind. Or the poetic part of the life i suppose. While saying it to yourself - you may very well delight in parts or all - no counting for taste - and you may also cringe at other parts. Dont shy away from either. Harness it and as young macbeth said 'ill die with harness on my back'. That may be one little technique you could employ.

A rhyme is always going to get a kicking at the office for this and that. Know yourself - People think its too 'convenient' etc. Boll@x to the begrudger. However i may revisit the rhyme scheme of mine again in response to oddly aromoatic opinions.

In Contradiction v Is Contradiction. The line above it and the line contained the Is Contradicition stood out of the page for me. I might suggest losing the Is and In - sometimes a kind of stop or ebb to the flow cautions the reader and gives perspective and depth.


pcwares

stevejazzx

cheers for the feedback
I never have read out loud, I read internally trying to balance the music of the words. I might try the out loud thing although it seems to me like one of psuedo therapeutic methods common amoung new age english teachers and the ilk

pcwares

well you get a more objective perception of the sonorous qualities or frailties of the rhythm. Internalised sounds wouldnt do it for you always. I forgot to mention the only 2 lines that stood out.

pcwares