Terrified!

LegacyUser

Long time reader, first time poster, but I dont think this one is appropriate for registration! I'm a 25 yr old male with a gf of 3 years. I go out regularly with my workmates, tend to drink quite a few but always remember everything the following day. Last weekend was a particularly heavy one and I totally blanked the end of the night. Here's the prob, although no-one has said I did anything, I have had a terrible feeling of foreboding ever since, like I might have kissed someone else! I feel really guilty and am not sure why....and I feel funny around my girlf. What should I do? Explain it to her, ask around? It seems like opening a giant can of worms but I feel really awful and I can't stop thinking about it! We don't live together anymore but did for 6months in college so it's a very special relationship. Anyone been in this position or have any advice?

Fysh

Well, I'd try and ascertain (delicately) if anything did happen and, if it did, how the other person involved views it. Make it clear to them that you're involved with someone and happy in the relationship, and don't want anything further to happen. Then comes the hard bit. Personally in such a situation I'd have to be completely honest with the other half, and if you really value the relationship I think you should do the same.

If you do decide to tell her, you're going to have to understand that it will be interpreted as a breach of trust. How would you feel if things happened the other way round? This is the way to approach it - understand that she will be hurt, but make it clear that you're telling her because you want to stay with her and keep the relationship you've got. After that, it's down to her and how she sees things.

Obviously the fact that you were drinking a lot on the night will have contributed to what happened, but you might want to think about changing your drinking habits - this might help her to accept that you do regret what happened and don't want to have a repeat performance, as it were. But you should be prepared for potentially uncomfortable questions about whether you're satisfied with the relationship and your sex life, etc.

Aurther Hugh

It's a toughie, but I always think that you should never meet trouble half-way, you clearly love your girlf and everyone makes mistakes from time to time, only human. Try and forget about it. If you find out for sure rather than some hazy memory, play dumb, which you are! If it comes to this, explain that you don't remember to your girlf and then perhaps think about the drinking habits.
AH.

seamus

I get that sometimes, just a sense of guilt after a heavy night. I know I've never cheated on her, but sometimes I feel guilty towards her. I can't really explain it. A lot of it stems from harmless (and unintentional) flirting with my female friends.

Look at it this way - when you're sober/tipsy, how often does the "opportunity" to score come up, and what's your reaction? Now, think about how drunk you were that night - is it really feasible that you might have scored someone while you were that hammered, and you had no intention of scoring anyone?

The chances are minimal. You probably feel remorse for your loss of control, and for what "might have been".

Or do you have any actual evidence that you may have scored someone?

*Page*

ask people what happened!! i get this some times... but my black outs dont stay for long! best bet its to clarify what did happen dont go asking if you did anything cause someone might try and play with your head!

just sit down with who ever you where out with and talk about the night!!

LegacyUser

Terrified wrote:

although no-one has said I did anything, I have had a terrible feeling of foreboding ever since, like I might have kissed someone else! I feel really guilty and am not sure why....and I feel funny around my girlf. What should I do? Explain it to her, ask around?

First off, chill out!! Don't go telling her anything unless you are certain you done something wrong.Even then don't tell her anything unless you want to be kicked into single world! And if you it turns out you didn't do anything she is going to be a bit wary of letting you go on the piss again IN CASE you do something next time.

I used to drink fairly heavily at weekends and often I would get a guilty feeling the next day. But it always turned out that I did nothing wrong (well noting serious, I might have slagged a bouncer, acted like a dick in the spar shop on the way home). I wouldn't worry about it. Ask around, preferably someone you trust that won't try to wind you up and try to find out what harmless fun you got up to!

bohsboy

Relax relax relax.......!

Had the same thing myself last year. Went to a friend's stag and drank myself into a stupor. Woke up the next morning in an old female friend's house after leaving myself stranded and no way home. She had kindly brought me home. I woke alone, in a single bed, fully clothed and in bad shape.

Did'nt think too much of it but as the following day wore on I began to have that strange feeling you had, did something happen?....this went on for two weeks and I drove myself up the wall with worry with what I "had done". My girlfriend was getting a bit suspicious and I could'nt blame her. Even went as far as thinking I had sex with the girl.

Eventually I picked up the phone and phoned the girl and asked her straight out. She could'nt contain the laughter and thought I was playing a joke on her!

The mind is a powerful tool, when mixed with alcohol and whatever it can produce some vivid results. You might have had an incident in the past with drink that people reminded you of the next day and since that you might be a bit paranoid.

If it happened, it obviously meant f**k all to you as you cant remember! Don't and I repeat don't tell your gf. You will achieve nothing! Trust me. Give it a few days, chill out, take the weekend of the beer and I guarantee you by Monday you will have forgotten.

Relax

Girl.1

I think you should forget about it.. why would you want to upset your girlfriend just COS YOU FEEL GUILTY and you might not have done anything..
Do somthing special for your girlfriend and that will make you feel better..

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the help! I feel much better already and have concluded that in this instance it's best not to dig up the evidence for my own conviction and forget the whole thing. I think it'd be lousy to upset her either way, and we've been together that long, it'd be a waste to stir it up for something so trivial; this is not home and away!

Aurther Hugh

Fair play to you! Forget about it and enjoy the weekend, you clearly love your girlf v much. Just remember to hold fast and tell her nothing.

LegacyUser

Actually i totally blanked the end of a heavy drinking session.
It is not a good thing. It was a once off and ended everything good in my life.

I have NO recollection AT ALL but this is what happened ...

Last thing i remember is leaving my girlfriend on dancefloor and going to buy us a drink .. next thing i remember is waking up in bed next day.

So what happened?

I tried it on with a housemate of my my girlfriend whose boyfriend was my housemate. When she slapped my i went home and went to bed next thing (none of which i can remember) my ex girlfriend wakes up some1 in mine and gets in and starts punching me while im asleep - without knowing i punch her in the face.
She is crying etc. and my housemate tells me to get out - i leave and dunno what i did but my housemates said i come back an hour later andgo to bed - still no memory -
wake up at half 8 next morning to my housemate going to work and saying you better have moved out by time i get back - i still have no idea what happened at this stage until 1 of other housemates wakes up and tells me.

I really am not a violent person and i would never ever lay a hand on a girl, its not way i was brought up and its not in my nature - i lost some unbelievable friends/girlfriend that night - 1 stupid drunken mistake and my life crumbled -
alcohol is not worth it. be areful

LegacyUser

Okay...well I KNOW I didn't do anything as extreme as that tbh.