oranges

dan_y

so ****ing poetic
that i had to write it down
onion tears and all
like a puppet show showdown

you're so damn indifferent
that i wouldn't have said goodbye
but damn it doll i love you
and you damn well know why

scenery's all changed now
whirlpool skies and sunburnt trees
that aching in my shoulders
melts away with sinister ease
that ring that charged the air
and slammed my head against the street
is replaced here by silence
and girls that taste so sweet
that i can't see tommorow
past the sauna of today
filled with waiting memories
of naked caliente

and still i'm thinking of you
and maybe ways to try absolve you
writing for you, writing of you
and the crutch role you play
in making me escape myself
debate, envigorate myself
and dissapear again
in a new and improved way

Kevin_rc_ie

i like this, the bit in the middle is a bit dodgy.

all very angsty,a lot of i hate that B1tch but i stil love that b1tch ness. a poetic form ovid used? or catullus. can't remember.

good work.

MojoMaker

lol...

solice

In the third stanza it would be nice if there was a comma or a full stop. Its a very long line.

I do like it

name_less

mojomaker what the hell are you laughing at? jesus man, imagine somebody laughed at something you wrote

nice poem dan_y