Problem with girlfriend

LegacyUser

Hi,

I have been going out with my girlfriend for 18 months and things were great up until a few weeks ago.In that time we have been see each other all time and i would stay at hers mostly as she didnt want to go to mine that often ,and a few weeks we moved in together. now it seems all we do is row about silly things.She picks up on things if i havent let say put things back properly, even suggesting what cloths i should were.Im sick of the rowing and so is she and i dont want to leave as i love her and have too much invested in this relationship to end it. Whats the best way of getting back to the happy, stress free relationship or are rows all part and parcel of living with your girlfriend. Due to this our sex lifes have dwindled.

Duckjob

It often happens that when couples move in together that there's a big increase in the number of rows. I wouldn't worry about it too much since it's perfectly normal while you both adjust to living with each other and establish rules and boundaries.

Same thing happened to me 3 yrs ago, when my gf moved in with me, we tore strips off each other for a number of months. Now, we're comming up on 2 yrs happily married.

Beruthiel

as duckjob said
sit down together, talk about it, set some ground rules and stick to them

galwaydude

Thanx ruth and duckjob,

Thats what i have told her, it takes time to adjust when moving in together.

Beruthiel

ermm?
did you mean to post with your user name?

galwaydude

yes as it takes too long to reply to a message unregistered. Anyways thanx for that useful information.

TerrorFirmer

Beruthiel wrote:

ermm?
did you mean to post with your user name?

No harm in it anyway, I generally consider the unregistered function to be for matters considered to invoke embarrassment etc...

Anyway, its a shame to hear about what you are going through, but one question...

How are things, really? I know you say there is alot of rowing, but is there the good side, also? Like you still like to be close to each other, spend time together within the house, etc?

It'd really only be a genuine problem if there was a total fall out of communications or a huge visible loss of love shown over the move, rows are perfectly natural and can be expected with such a big change for both of you!

WhiteWashMan

yep, its just teething trouble.
it will pass, or you will split up.

Quantum

Beruthiel wrote:

as duckjob said
sit down together, talk about it, set some ground rules and stick to them

Correct !

galwaydude ? It IS normal to fight a bit more when you move in. BUT ..... it's not good to just ignore it and expect it to get better on it's own. Otherwise it'll just spoil the great relationship and lower it to a lowest common denominator.

When people say sit down and talk about it and make some rules about who does what and when and how much - and rules about what NOT to do ...... it's not a load of theoretical pycho nonsense..... it's because it WORKS :rolleyes: especially for people doing it for the first time.

So TALK about it... and set up a time to sit and discuss THIS problem only.

Each of you sit down together and write out a list of the things the other does that drive you nuts. Then take turns reading them out and coming to an agreed solution. Write the agreement down beside the problem.

This won't make life perfect ! but it will make things a LOT better. And you will become closer and actually enjoy being closer as a result.

kaimera

heh...try 6 months of not seeing each other then 3 months of living together...then do it for 3 years and still counting.

as it's been said, you'll both adjust to the little stuff.

Easily_Irritated

Ah yea, we women are tempremental. its to keep ye on yer toes! ah nah, that'll pass. Altho, if it does go on for any longer than a few months you'd wanna worry about it!