Is it better to answer back or keep quiet?

LegacyUser

Hello all.

I dont want to get too heavy on the details, but basically, do you think if someone says something that they know will annoy you, do you answer back basically telling them to "f off" or "shut up" etc or should you keep quiet?

Something was said in front of me recently, something I see that was intently supposed to make me mad or get a reaction out of me.

I didnt react to what was said (had to bite my tongue) but I wonder if i should have said something?

Would getting mad in a case like this give the person the satisfaction of knowing they annoyed you/hurt you?

Whats the best way to react to people like this?

(PS: The person in question is a friend of my boyfriends. Later after the incident I privately ranted and raved, giving out about this guy to him. Dont think boyfriend of 4 years was too impressed with me. Boyfriend heard what he said as well and was not very impressed but put it down to him being drunk and having a loose tongue).

WhiteWashMan

what do you think?

Jonny Arson

Marylin wrote:

Hello all.

I dont want to get too heavy on the details, but basically, do you think if someone says something that they know will annoy you, do you answer back basically telling them to "f off" or "shut up" etc or should you keep quiet?

Something was said in front of me recently, something I see that was intently supposed to make me mad or get a reaction out of me.

I didnt react to what was said (had to bite my tongue) but I wonder if i should have said something?

Would getting mad in a case like this give the person the satisfaction of knowing they annoyed you/hurt you?

Whats the best way to react to people like this?

(PS: The person in question is a friend of my boyfriends. Later after the incident I privately ranted and raved, giving out about this guy to him. Dont think boyfriend of 4 years was too impressed with me. Boyfriend heard what he said as well and was not very impressed but put it down to him being drunk and having a loose tongue).

My advice would be to bite your tongue in those situations like you did. Whoever that bloke was more than likely wanted a reaction and you did well by not giving him the satisfaction. The problem with situations like that is some people don't mean to cause any hurt and if you had reacted it would have caused a big upheaval.

Your situ really depends on how sinister this coment was. If this was a nasty spiteful comment I would simply never speak to the person again.

CaptainPeacock

If the insulter is a scumbag and you're above them, why bother saying anything? Just ignore, I reckon. Don't even say hello when they're sober. If they want attention, act as if they don't exist.

Con9903

depends what he said

Capt'n Midnight

IMHO
If he doesn't get a response he may stop , or if he keeps trying then your BF may see what's going on in a different light. If you over-react or complain about it later your BF may see you as over reacting to some "slagging".

Some people (peter sellers?) used to keep a little notebook or mental list of people who offended them and much, much later on get thier own back. Revenge being a dish best served cold.

There are a lot of people out there that are nice in small doses , maybe you need time to aclimatise.

But these are generalisations.

2c

leeroybrown

You probably did the right thing. If you started ranting at him at the time you probably would have come off looking like the unreasonable one. There's not much point in giving him the satisfaction.

Dizzyblabla

rather than cursing at him or rising to it, try the grown up approach, and say it out straight, "what did you say something like that for?" or even "That wasn't very nice"...
putting them in their place sometimes works better than the giving out or rising to the comment...
Are you sure he was aware that the comment would sting as much as it did?

whiskeyman

I always find the best thing to do is ignore them.
To ignore, is to treat them as if they dont exist... and that's the best remedy.
It shows you've no interest in what they have to say, and you're not taking it on board.
If you get mad, they've done what they intended to do.

MartMax

Silence is the best revenge. Let him think what things he had done.

If get worst, punch him on the face. No, don't punch!

Oryx

I think Dizzyblabla is right. Theres no need to show annoyance, but you can get the point across that the person is being rude. If you can say it with the right tone of disdain the person who made the comment will come across as shallow and petty I think it is better to say something at the time than seethe with anger later cos you didnt.

CathyMoran

Ignore it - is hard at the time but it is better to bite your tongue.

boidey

CathyMoran wrote:

Ignore it - is hard at the time but it is better to bite your tongue.

V true, if at all possible don't give the asshole the response he is lookin for. Alcohol emboldens people more than changing them.

I'd also agree with biting your tongue and saying nothing if you can.

A few weeks ago a teacher in a school I was working in tried to pick a fight with me and I told her to shut up, could have lost my job over it.

I know from experience what I should be doing.