feelings ....

LegacyUser

Hi peeps i am a member , but i chose not to make my self none , i hope thats ,ok .

Well its kinda strange , i keep on developing feelings for girls far to quickly ,
it such a pain because its like my heart jumps the gun , big time , and im really sick of it and it kinda embarising .

I dunno why i develop the feelings so quickly , and i realy dont like it , as it makes me feel terrible when i know there not interested in me , but i develop them and i kinda of sick of it , what i want t do is try and stop my self getting these feelings i try to meditate , to help it stop .

does any one no if i can do anything to stop it ?

as its driving me nuts.
thanks for any help or advise ,

amazingemmet

I'm just wondering what age you are? If your youngish i'd put it down to hormones. just remember the mind controls the emotions so if your in control of your mind your in control of your emotions. easier said then done. If you feel you really can't control your feelings i advise try mediate for some time each day to try connect with them

Corksham

To me it sounds like a lack of self-confidence that you have to rely on situations to influence your own hapiness. Do you only feel happy when you are in a relationship or when you fancy someone?
There is nothing wrong with fancying people, in fact its normal, but if you fall too easily then it sounds like you might be a little unsure of yourself and lacking in confidence?
Remeber your own hapiness comes from peace within and should not be hugely influenced by others

Altheus

Age 14 - 16 I was you.

The key is just to not to even leave your house.

Of course, I'm joking. What you need to do is learn to have a plutonic relationship, even with the people who you fancy.

Now, this may sound impossible, but it's alot easier than you'd think. It's very logical, because if you like them, even if they dont fancy you, you'll get to spend time with them.

The more time you spend with people the more you can come out of your shell, and get to know them. Firstly, this will improve your chances of having a meaningful relationship with them, but more importantly give you a chance to get your berings and explore the feelings beyond a seemingly intense uncontrollable attraction, and let it mature.

The feeling I used to get was that I would start to think about it, and then my stomach would seem to get hard and I'd find it hard to do anything at all. All my attention was so absorbed in that one little thing.

The way I got over this was physically pushing myself through it. Not keeping the head down. Getting bad news, but getting on with it. Reading, walking, running, climbing, partying. Staying away from the booze to a large extent helped me too.

kasintahan

amazingemmet wrote:

just remember the mind controls the emotions so if your in control of your mind your in control of your emotions.

Careful! There are countless psychologists who would disagree with you!

Google James-Lange Theory, Cannon-Bard, and Schacter’s Two Factor Theory.

Briefly... (stolen from wikipedia) (ps physiological refers to the body)

* The James-Lange theory proposes that conscious conclusions about what we are "feeling" form in reaction to physiological changes occurring in the body. This was proposed by William James and Carl Lange independently in the 1880s.

* The Cannon-Bard Approach proposes that the lower brain initially receives emotion-producing information and then relays it simultaneously to the higher cortex for interpretation and to the nervous system to trigger physiological responses.

* The Schachter-Singer Approach gives highest importance to the cognitive skills that create an interpretation of the situation and so provide a framework for the individual's behavioral response.

* The Opponent-Process Approach views emotions as sets of pairs, one positive and one negative. When an emotion-producing stimulus is present, one of the pair is suppressed so that the more situationally appropriate emotion is felt intensely.

Plunky

James Lange has been disputed on the grounds that the mental reaction time is slightly quicker than physiological. Cannon Bard is closer to what actually happens tbh, but I believe more modern research has shown that the input goes to the cortex and THEN down to the body to cause physiological reaction..

LegacyUser

hi thanks for those suggestions peeps there really help full im in my early 20s which is why its so embarissing i didnt have much of a child hood when it came to women from about 16 to 21 i had a very bad time well i didnt i was more concerned on haveing fun so there is nothing i can really do about it but say i had an exceptionaly good 5 yrs so thats not the problem like i useed to get my numbers up in the under age discos quite a player i was ....

yeah i have to admit a lot of above makes perfect sence , so i guess what your kinda saying feel good about being me insted of , thinkin the worlds at a loss so to speek ..

thanks very much for your help a lot makes sence ...

Tippex

Sky Ways,

I was similar to you as in when I was a teenager I was falling in love with every girl I went out with.
And nothing anyone said or did could change things. The latest girl was always "the one" until one day something my dad said just made me say hang on a minute I'm too young for this sh1t and I'm going to force myself into not falling head over heels.
So basically for the guts of two years I "had fun" no falling head over heels for anyone and then all of a sudden bam I fell head over heels and many's a years later I'm married to that girl and have two great kids.

The one thing I always remember was when I was about 14 I was terrified of getting to 30 and being alone (no idea why) and this turned out to be the root of the problem.

So basically just don't take life so seriously have fun and when you least expect it, the real thing will happen.

Tip.

Le Rack

eh, I have a friend like that, shes a total player, (I know I'm meant to be her friend but its the truth) every single guy she gets with is "THE ONE", she's 16, and its unbelievable, she carries on like she's gonna spend the rest of her life with every second fella, and not in the good way! Like a guy she was with before Christmas, she would say she would do anything for him, even die for him, but she apparently cheated on him, he got angry for this, they were on and off for about two weeks and then she wished he was dead and still does! The chap is one of my best friends and even if I make mention of him in front of her she goes mad and wants me dead for still being friends with him! it was the same with the guy after, before, before, before and before.
I was never all that lucky with guys until recently, but at that I still had a good time. I love my friends plutonically so much, but I do tend to fall quickly and hard. I'm going 18 and of all the guys I've been with I've only ever committed to loving two of them, and I mean real love, I know I'm young, but I know my heart, I'm over one of them now, it took a year and I still love him entirely but don't want to be with him anymore, I cant quite explain it, but the other, he was a good friend before we got together and things got rough at the end and we haven't really spoke much since, and I hate it.
Basically learn to follow your heart, in matters of the heart forget your head and listen to your heart and soul.