Alone?

ghostgirl

I just wondered if anyone has the same issue as me. I want to go to the doctor but I dont want to be admitted to hospital. I dont want medical advice from this board, i have seen the warning message, I just maybe even perhaps just want to clear my chest.
I am a 24yr old diabetic and I dont take my injections because I know if I do I will put on weight. At the moment everyone tells me that I am too skinny and people have even asked me if I am anorexic. When I look in the mirror I only see fat... fat everything stomach.. legs.. bum.. and big balloon like cheeks. I think I am in denial and I make up lies to get out of dinners and lunches and if I do have to eat it sits in my stomach like a boulder until I have to get it out. My biggest nightmare would be if I was fat. I bring myself to the stage that I dont take my insulin for days so that I develop ketones and in that case my body starts to burn the fat. When the ketones in my body are high I start vomiting continously and feel as if I am dying. I cant talk to my doctor or anyone else, I want to change but dont know if I can. I dont want to die yet or go blind or complications from the diabetes. I am so scared and alone. Does anyone know anybody who has done this to themselves or is doing it?

*Page*

Hey I can relate to part of what your saying from a friends point of view...

I have this friend and wow she is amazing and beautiful, one day I notice that the trousers I got her for her birthday are hanging off her. I guess growth spurt since she was only 14 at the time (I was 16) after a while (a week or 2) I notice that she doesn’t eat unless she's forced to like I’d buy her a slice of pizza and sit down with her. But after ward she'd go straight to the loos.

I was getting worried then her boyfriend rang me with the same worry and a day later so did her mam.

So I did a little research found the tell tale signs and I got in touch with my school councillor. (She went to a different school)

After a lot of talking to her about it she finally went to see a councillor.

She’s a lot better now (6 years down the line) she still thinks she's fat but now she eats right. You wont be admitted to a hospital for an eating disorder. It’s not a physical thing it’s a mental thing. It’s all in your head. You need to go talk to someone.


If you want I can get you a number for someone you can talk to.

Beruthiel

ghostgirl wrote:

I just wondered if anyone has the same issue as me. I want to go to the doctor but I dont want to be admitted to hospital.

then tell your doctor that, but please, please go to your doctor and talk to him.

if I am anorexic

you probably are, and you need to address this asap, your mental image of yourself is warped and you are not seeing what is truly there. You look in the mirror and you 'think' you're fat, when in fact your're not.
Hopefully some recovered anorexics will come on here and explain how that works, but I do know for sure that your image of yourself is not correct.
Help yourself immediately on that - you do not have to starve yourself to keep weight off, just eat healthy food that is good for you. Fruit and vegs do not put any weight on and you can each as much as you like.

My biggest nightmare would be if I was fat.

no
you're biggest nightmare is what you are doing to yourself in the long run, not taking your injections is very, very, very dangerous and you could be doing irreparable damage to yourself

I cant talk to my doctor or anyone else

you must
you absolutely must go to your doctor, why oh why are you doing this to yourself girl?
do not leave this any longer, start sorting it today by tackling your food intake and start on your injections.
there is no point whatsoever being a thin dead corpse

dudara

God girl, please go talk to someone. I beseech you. If you don't share this burden with someone, then sometime in future you won't be able to share it with anyone as you won't be around anymore.

First off, being diabetic is serious. I have a friend who's been in diabetic comas and a car crash because of his diabetes. It has to be managed correctly. But you already know that.

What worried me far more is your perception of yourself. I keep thinking of things to say to you, but saying it in an internet forum isn't right. Go to a professional for this. Please.

MDR

I am a 24yr old diabetic and I dont take my injections because I know if I do I will put on weight.

You don't need me to tell you the implicatons of this course of action,
they are well known and you know well where this will lead eventually,
You know something is wrong, you probabily have known for quiet a while,
you know that things can't continue this way indefinetly,
something _will_ catch up with you.

It isn't your fault that these things have happened, you shouldn't feel
responsible, however that said, the only person who can sort the mess out
is you, this isn't am empty impowerment speach, its the fact of the matter,
you know you need to red flag this, you know you need to say that
there is a problem, I amn't saying it isn't going to be hard.

This is the first and biggest step, I hope you will find the courage to take it.

Beruthiel

Anorexics have an intense fear of becoming fat. Their dieting habits develop from this fear. Anorexia mainly affects adolescent girls.

People with anorexia continue to think they are overweight even after they become extremely thin, are very ill or near death. Often they will develop strange eating habits such as refusing to eat in front of other people. Sometimes the individuals will prepare big meals for others while refusing to eat any of it.

http://www.mamashealth.com/anorexia.asp

Gilgamesh

all I can say on this matter, is talk to someone, take more care of yourself, as a diabetic myself I REALLY recommend you to start taking your Insulin on regular basis.
And most of all, get yourself someone you can really trust like a good friend and tell them you need help.
You have made a first step by bringing this up in a forum, now the next step is to admit this problem to someone you know and can see, and you will see, they will do anything to help you

Wish you all the best for the future

Gil

ghostgirl

Thank you all for your help. Yesterday I met a girl and she asked if i was anorexic cos she was a recovering one. For the first time in 4 years I admitted it to someone and only yesterday admitted it to myself. Its going to be very hard because I dont have many friends, I have pushed them away due to my mood swings and generally being horrible. I spent alot of time last year in hospital as last year I was undergoing tests as I had suspected Non- Hodgkins Disease. I cant talk to my parents as they are both re-married and are both going through divorce with their second partners. No-one seems to notice I am drowning in problems and I cant come to the surface.

Tobias Greeshman

A friend of a friend is currently in hospital on a drip suffering from anorexia, the girl is about 5 stone and is refusing to take any food, because she's over 18 her parents cannot make her be fed!

To the OP, seek professional help right now! If not this will get worse, much worse, especially since you have diabetes as well, your slowly doing damage to your body by refusing to take your insulin injections.

As Beruthiel said go to a doctor immeditedly, if your not happy with your current doctor then simply change doctor! They will help you, you need to start getting back to taking your insulin on a regular basis again and they will help you achieve this along with dealing with your anorexia as well. So Go Now!

goin'_to_the_PS

ghostgirl wrote:

I just wondered if anyone has the same issue as me. I want to go to the doctor but I dont want to be admitted to hospital. I dont want medical advice from this board, i have seen the warning message, I just maybe even perhaps just want to clear my chest.
I am a 24yr old diabetic and I dont take my injections because I know if I do I will put on weight. At the moment everyone tells me that I am too skinny and people have even asked me if I am anorexic. When I look in the mirror I only see fat... fat everything stomach.. legs.. bum.. and big balloon like cheeks. I think I am in denial and I make up lies to get out of dinners and lunches and if I do have to eat it sits in my stomach like a boulder until I have to get it out. My biggest nightmare would be if I was fat. I bring myself to the stage that I dont take my insulin for days so that I develop ketones and in that case my body starts to burn the fat. When the ketones in my body are high I start vomiting continously and feel as if I am dying. I cant talk to my doctor or anyone else, I want to change but dont know if I can. I dont want to die yet or go blind or complications from the diabetes. I am so scared and alone. Does anyone know anybody who has done this to themselves or is doing it?

just a slight off topic post/ I feel someone weight is unimportant from a attraction point of view, i'd rather someone be over weight than under weight

Beruthiel

ghostgirl wrote:

For the first time in 4 years I admitted it to someone and only yesterday admitted it to myself

good girl!
it's a start and a good one, just keep the ball rolling on it

I dont have many friends, I have pushed them away due to my mood swings and generally being horrible.

feel free to post in here as much as you need to, just getting it off your chest is a big help
perhaps, when you feel stronger, you might get in contact with your old pals and explain why you acted the way you did - people can be very understanding and old friends are normally thrilled to hear from you no matter how long it's been

will you now consider going back to your doctor?
please

ghostgirl

now that it is in my head and I know what I have to do. I must wait though because i need to know that my mother will be OK as I amnt sure she can handle it at the moment. She had a panic attack the last day from her divorcing husband, and she recently lost her close brother and i dont want to be the cause of another attack for her.

Piste

To the OP: Like Beruthiel said earlier, eat fruit and veg, they are nourishing, full of vitamins and contain very few calories. Celery contains negative calories (it uses more energy to burn them than they contain)

The second most important thing for you to do (the first being talk to your doctor of course) is get into good eating habits, as I already said, eat a lot of fruit and veg.

Lastly: Your self esteem. Is there a particular reason why you feel that you are fat? If you were bullied or someone made you feel like this, I'm sure your doctor could put you in touch with a councillor or something.

Also, you mentioned not wanting to upset your mother, you obviously care for her very much and she probably cares for you just as much, she would much prefer you tell her about this now and for her to help you than when your health is in absolute shambles.

Hope this helps and the best of luck ,
Liz

Talliesin

ghostgirl wrote:

Does anyone know anybody who has done this to themselves or is doing it?

Yes.

Go to the doctor ASAP.

riskky

ghostgirl wrote:

now that it is in my head and I know what I have to do. I must wait though because i need to know that my mother will be OK as I amnt sure she can handle it at the moment. She had a panic attack the last day from her divorcing husband, and she recently lost her close brother and i dont want to be the cause of another attack for her.

U dont sound like u know what to do and to be honest,u are no good to your mother if u end up in hospital as an emergency.Go talk to a sympathetic doctor who will refer u on to a eating disorder specialist.Admission is rarely necessary except your weight is too low or your sugar levels erratic.
U can still seek pro help and be there for your mother

DoctorEdgeWild

Sounds like you have a few changes to make and you have made a good positive step even just posting up on here. As you have said, some of your friends have been pushed away by your mood swings, Im sure they will be there for you if you explain to them everything you are going through. That might help you get around relying on your family too much.

If you are really in dire straits, pm someone friendly on this board like *page* (she seems to be very nice) or me if you want but I am a guy so maybe that's not what you need.

You are not alone in your problems, but you have an advantage over others because you can see your problems. It is very important to sort this out though. Health is the most important thing you have.

cuckoo

ghostgirl, you may find this site helpful

http://www.bodywhys.ie/aboutus.html

LegacyUser

Ghostgirl - I am also a type 1 diabetic who has been tempted to do the same thing as you, a lot of diabetics turn anorexic for a short amount of time, especially as there are misconceptions that all diabetics are fat and/or that obesity causes the condition.

Having said this you need to seek urgent help on this matter - not looking after diabeties has really bad short and long term consequences - kidney disease, blindness to name just 2. It is hard enough to keep blood sugars between the recomended 5-7 and sometimes it can be a fight to avoid high blood sugars but it is worth it. The low glycemic index diets which are the current fad can also be OK for diabetics, so if you want to watch your weight you can use these but take your insulin and look after yourself.

PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

I have no problem talking by pm if you wish.

Victor

My niece has diabetes so I've seen the mood swings and the vomiting.

---

Personally, I've gone from 9 stone at age 18 to 15 stone now. Sometimes it's feast, sometimes famine. What I have realised is not having a balanced diet messes with my brain. I'm OK with high blood sugar, but withdrawal is a downer and I get the shakes when I'm low. Sometimes it becomes very destructive where I know I shouldn't fill up on junk, but still do.

I suppose for you its the other way around.

---

I was thinking about something that someone was saying elsewhere (in Real Life ™) about self-confidence / self-esteem and I didn't believe them. A little bit too wishy washy and huggy for me. While what they said had some truth, it wasn't an obvious truth for me.

Gravity and it's realities are an obvious truth for me.

You do need to re-evalute your "truths". They need to be obvious to you.

---

I would strongly suggest you talk to a doctor, any doctor if needs be.

Gilgamesh

have to admit I am type 2 Diabetic, and most certainly not anorexic, but I have been through this situation with some of my closer friends in the past.
As Ruthie said, you will always find someone on boards who might be able to give you some advise or just sympathise with you with your problems.
Not been around the longest myself, but I have noticed in that time, that the guys and girls in PI are great and the ones that aren't are under the watchful eye of the mods.

by the way, let me seemingly be the first to welcome you to boards, hehe
couldn't resist

Corksham

Would you consider speaking to a dietician maybe? Is there a reason you dont want to speak to your doctor - maybe speak to a different GP?
You have made the first step in admitting that maybe things could be a slight bit better, we all have room for improvement - I suffered depression for 10 years and didnt want to speak to anyone or get help, but I can offer my 2 cents and say there is help out there, please avail of it
All the best

J

LegacyUser

Oh my god, I can't believe that there is someone else inthe same position as me. I hate to say it but it is a relief. I too have Diabetes (insulin) but I also have cystic fibrosis, for the last year or so, I have been literally starving myself, I know it's wrong but I cant help it, like you I have a belly, I am just the right weight not overweight not underweight, 6 months ago my bmi was 26 now it is 23, I like you make up excuses but it doesnt work for me as my parents keep a constant eye on my weight as with my cystic fibrosis I cna get sick if i dont have enough weight on, now I eat in my room alone and i have been putting most of my foods in plastic bags then dumping them, i am basically surviving on breakfast (small) and cups of tea and coffee and fruit, i havent eaten a full dinner in ages, i dont want to be like this and i know i need to get help before its to late, but i am addicated to not eating anymore. people have commented on howmuch weight i have lost and i am thrilled, i want to look good as good and beautiful as every other girl

LegacyUser

Just saw these links - they both refer to what the OP is going through:

http://www.lifescan.com/care/rubin/articles/eating_disorders/
http://www.lifescan.com/care/rubin/articles/women/

FranknFurter

And just want to say....
Rest assured, any GP or Doctor you go to with this issue will treat it 100% seriously. It is a recognised illness and you WONT be "stuck in a hospital" against your will.

And any doctor you tell WILL not tell your parents, he / she legally and ethically cannot. So you need not worry about that.
You can literally go in, say it, and walk out and never speak of it again IF YOU WISH. But you should at least go in.

I wish you the best of luck, please get treated, trust me, you could be left with disorders you cant even begin to dream of, or, you could die, in agony.

Blessings upon you both

b

ghostgirl

Hello Everyone. I want to say thanks to you all for the support that I have received from the original thread that I posted back in June.
Last week i decided enough was enough and i told my GP everything and then my family. It was not easy and still not as my family cant understand and keep asking why I do it to myself. My sister has been very supportive and we have even developed a speial bond. I have my first hospital appointment next week and hope that this will help me to look forward in a more positive way.
I just want to say to anyone else who has this problem, please get help as the feeling of suffocating will soon disappear, although the problem not, as you start talking.
Thanks again to you all

tonyinuae

Well done, Ghostgirl! You did a great thing by taking control of the situation, and good luck with the process of getting yourself fully back to health, with the help, of course, of those around you.

By the way, it's not surprising that you might develop a problem like this because the stress and suffering caused by the issues in your family at the moment must be tremendous, and enough to unbalance anyone. That's the kind of background against which a problem like this can so easily develop.

You obviously are a brave person (and a kind one), and have a lot of resolve. Hang on, and look forward to a bright future - it's waiting for you!

DoctorEdgeWild

Hey Ghostgirl, thanks for following up on your original post - Some good news in PI for a change . Great to hear that you are getting on better. Hopefully your family support will make it as easy as possible for you, but remember there is a friendly bunch of people only a click away should you need em! Best of luck and take care!

_Turismo4

ghostgirl wrote:

I just wondered if anyone has the same issue as me. I want to go to the doctor but I dont want to be admitted to hospital. I dont want medical advice from this board, i have seen the warning message, I just maybe even perhaps just want to clear my chest.
I am a 24yr old diabetic and I dont take my injections because I know if I do I will put on weight. At the moment everyone tells me that I am too skinny and people have even asked me if I am anorexic. When I look in the mirror I only see fat... fat everything stomach.. legs.. bum.. and big balloon like cheeks. I think I am in denial and I make up lies to get out of dinners and lunches and if I do have to eat it sits in my stomach like a boulder until I have to get it out. My biggest nightmare would be if I was fat. I bring myself to the stage that I dont take my insulin for days so that I develop ketones and in that case my body starts to burn the fat. When the ketones in my body are high I start vomiting continously and feel as if I am dying. I cant talk to my doctor or anyone else, I want to change but dont know if I can. I dont want to die yet or go blind or complications from the diabetes. I am so scared and alone. Does anyone know anybody who has done this to themselves or is doing it?

Please don’t take any offence with my reply, but my cousin is Physiotherapist, and we meet up for drinks and chats all the time,
He deals with people who think like yourself and he helps them to think differently about themselves.
If your GP refers you to the hospital then it's for good resin, the doctor knows best and wants you to get better.
The hospital could then refer you on to a Therapist or your GP can, I strongly advise you to heed you doctor because my advice to you is to go
As you could be putting your health in jeopardy, and down the line in a life threatening position.

Please take care..

*Page*

Its great to see that you got yourself some help best of luck and if you ever need a chat. pm me when ever hugs

bp

u have taken the first few steps, well done and good luck.....we will be thinking of you

Fionn

It seems alls not lost, your reaching out here, you’ve already stated your acknowledgement of the effects of not taking your meds! So you realise the course of action your taking can have disastrous consequences! I’m sure this must be an awful time for you. But I guess theres some truth in the saying “ a problem shared is a problem halved” I understand how mood swings and other side effects of this condition can cloud your perception of how things really are for you, and I suppose you alone are the only person ultimately that can have an impact on that. In the meantime you’ve already done some positive things! and theres been some pretty good advice here too, and I suppose if you take small steps to try and resolve your problems, well that’s a start…..actually you have already….by posting!!!
I don’t really have any advice but I wish you well………take care…remember your never alone!

Beruthiel

I'm thrilled
keep up the good work!

Talliesin

ghostgirl wrote:

Does anyone know anybody who has done this to themselves or is doing it?

Similar enough. She wouldn't go as long as you describe between injections - she didn't have body issues, just issues with the hassle of the treatment. She's been blind for about 6 years now.