Premature you-know-what

LegacyUser

I'd like to know if anyone has advice on this.

I've have had a healthy sexual relationship with my partner for about a year. It was always fullfilling for the two of us and we both reached a mutual understanding of our needs and wants in bed.

We broke up for about 6 months last year and now have gotten back, sort-of, for the the last 3. Now this is the problem....our sex drives are the same, we both like to do the same things with each other as before, but now, I find myself unable to control my ejaculation. This is causing serious issues in the bedroom between us as i'm not satisfying her equally this time around. I'm usually able to perform again a little later but more often than not her mood for it drops completely and nobodies happy. Shes accuses me of using her, of getting my own rocks off etc.. when in fact my own premature, unwanted, orgasm is more a frustrated let-down than a proper climax.

It alway happens when i'm inside her, eh, traditionally, and not when we're playing in other ways - oral, anal, manual. I just get lost with feeling extremely compelled to climax come when penetrating her normally. My timing is always well off and even if i stop early, and withdraw from her, i limply come.

So anyone else experience this kind of sudden inability to hold-off?
Anyone find a solution?

(Sorry bout the graphics but.. its sort of difficult being subtle.)

Serious advise only please... men AND women.

PS: My partner is particularily prone to going on the offensive about this the drop in temperature after what could be a whole day of flirty foreplay is really getting to me (and her).

amazingemmet

Could be a number of things but im gonna guess its more of psychological issue with you. i think if you can develop a bit more confidence in the relationship instead of "now have gotten back, sort-of" it'll resolve itself.
oh yeah take your time and if you feel like your getting their pull out and wait a bit

LundiMardi

Shes accuses me of using her, of getting my own rocks off etc..

tell her to stfu tbh.

How does she think this will help anthing:rolleyes:

jesus_thats_gre

LundiMardi wrote:

tell her to stfu tbh.

How does she think this will help anthing:rolleyes:

Exactly, tell her to **** away off then. If she cannot put herself aside for 2 minutes and understand that you have a serious problem, then she isn't worth worrying about. Go off and find someone else, I doubt the problem will persist and you can tell her it doesn't too

secret_squirrel

loosing_steam wrote:

PS: My partner is particularily prone to going on the offensive about this the drop in temperature after what could be a whole day of flirty foreplay is really getting to me (and her).

Sounds like she is part of the cause of it!!

The mind is a funny old thing at the best of times - the last thing you need is her reinforcing the crappy feeling you get every time you cum too soon. She needs to understand she is just making things worse. Although thats going to be difficult to explain to her tactfully! The more uptight you get about it the worse it will probably be. Have you tried different positions? Maybe where you have less work to do so you can concentrate on holding on - Or maybe the opposite where you have more control so you can slow the pace down?

Why dont you try making her cum first in another way - then just finish off with penetration?
Or have a break from penetrative sex completely for a while? Hell ask if she would like you to use toys on her.

LegacyUser

Thanks.. some good advice there. It's sort of hard to think its pychologically connected to the fact that there isn't 100% commitment between us. Maybe it is though... i am generally into total commitment but with us, we just have too different temperments to make it work although we get on brilliantly in lots of ways. Best solution is too meet other people i know, but the attraction is intense and we're both lazy/not-into-the-dating scene.

Simply put, it just feels so bloody good making love with her, my body just wants to climax. I'm concious that its going to happen but even if i withdraw in what i feel is a good time...... i climax anyway but without an orgasm, leaving us both pretty peeved but she becomes angry and i just feel sh*t.

The last time she just said she was sick of it, i hadn't done anything to fix the problem and she simply needs satisfaction. She said that that was it with us as lovers. Obviously i want to try and fix things but go it bugs me that she seems to forget all the nice times we have... eating out, cinema, going for walks, kissin/cuddling, simply being on th esame company as her, foreplay and other sexual activity besides straight sex. Its like if she doesn't get satisfactory vaginal penetration then she completely freezes me out.

Anyone else experience this extreme sort ofl reaction with a partner?

LegacyUser

Hey Man,

It is a pain alright, I have a problem controlling that as well. I find after penetration it can take just a few minutes and it's all over- against my will! Fortunately my girlfriend was really understanding and patient, but I would like to satisfy her so we could both have a happy and fufilling sexlife.
I've looked around a bit on the net and found this article which I found really helpful:
http://www.emedicine.com/med/topic643.htm

When you feel like your going to pop, just stop what your doing and relax. Even get your girlfriend to firmly, but not to the point of it being sore, grasp your testicles at the base where they meet the penis. This more often than not will stop the ejaculation from happening. It's a slow process, you have to gradually keep doing this and it should help solve the problem. While your doing this there is the famous stop/start technique where you squeese the 'muscle?' in your penis and then release it again.

It's a slow process, but it definetly helps. As other people have said she needs to be more understanding, this will take both of you to solve.

secret_squirrel

I also recall reading on another PI thread that you can get condoms to reduce your sensitivity. These may help.