men one liners...

katieo

Men approve of premarital sex until daughters are born.

If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day or two, He'll be back to his usual self.

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
So she gets a divorce.

Marriage certificate?
It's just another name for her work permit.

When a newly married woman smiles, all know why, but when a ten-years married woman smiles, all wonder why.

"It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children.
I will never forget that game of cards..."

Men lie about their jobs, drive cars they can't afford, wear toupees and loose shirts that hide their stomachs, and say they want a "real woman"...
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a mans sex drive by 90 percent.... Wedding cake!!!

Bigamy is having one husband too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.

If a man suggests that you take a break from vacuuming the living room and relax what it means is he can't hear the TV

If you think he's listening to you, you're wrong he's trying to convert what you just said into something with a sexual connotation

If a man had a thought in his head, it would get lonely!

If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.

Men are like roller coasters: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up.

Behind every great man is a woman with a vibrator

If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.

Scientist have finally discovered the chemical formula for Viagra.
1% Sodium
1% Iron
1% Phosphate
97% Fix-a-Flat

Remember; you are known by the idiot you accompany

Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

Women don't make fools of men most of them are the "do-it-yourself" types.

The best reason to divorce or break-up with a man is for health reasons you're sick of him.

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.

A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh alright, I'll stay the night."

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

Always wear high heels, it makes it easier to look down on him.

Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men a woman

When God made Man, she was just kidding.

If God had wanted men to be perfect, he'd have given them brains

Men is proof even God makes mistakes

Men? On the whole, I'd rather buy new batteries.

Men read Playboy for the articles women go to malls for the music.

Men are creatures with two legs and eight hands.

Men love sex with redheads, but their wives don't appreciate it!

Men are fun to argue with, because even IF they win...they lose.

Men of quality respect women's equality.

Men play the game. Women know the score.

Flies spread disease, keep your's zipped

Men and women were created equal, but women continued to improve.

Women are a pain in the ass, men are a pain EVERYWHERE!

Men have a joystick whereas women just have a game port.

Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.

Men, stupid? You'd be dense too if you had your brain in your pants!

If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming way too high

It was love at first sight. He walked by and I saw the twinkle in his eye.
I never knew that someone could be so in love with his own reflection in the mirror.

Women are indeed silly, we sleep with men, who if they were women, we wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.

Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

---

StupidLikeAFox

who let you out of the kitchen?

liamskater

whats a womens point of view? The kitchen window.

Why do women have small feet? So they can be close to the sink.

a women asks her husband to buy her a new clock; the man replys 'theres one on the oven'

Shabadu

*groan* another battle of the sexes thread? How about we just agree to say we all suck- regardless of gender.




hee hee hee I said suck

Naos

What do you call a woman 10 feet from the kitchen?

A fugitive.