how do you...

LegacyUser

Hi all.

In a bit of a bind here, im in a relationship for nearly two years now but i have this nagging feeling that i want to be single to do all the things i wont be able to do when im older.

The problem is though, i love my girlfriend and i dont know if im 100% sure i want to break up with her.

I dont want to hurt her and i dont want to hurt myself either.

Anybody have any insight into these situations?

Victor

The Dave wrote:

i want to be single to do all the things i wont be able to do when im older.

Do you mean go to Australia for the year or so you cna run around with other women or .....

LegacyUser

Well not just australia.

LadyJ

That's the reason I got dumped last time! Go see the world etc and come back to the relationship later in life maybe! Don't expect her to be there when ya get back and click your fingers though!

tinkerbell

What exactly are the things that you want to do?

JoeKelly

Hmmm reminds me of that cheesey chick flick 'down to you' or something like that the one with freddy prince junior...you know the one!

I your really serious about the relationship then dont break up with her unless your very very certain its what you want to do! You might end up really regretting it after you come back from where ever and shes with some other guy! I recommend an intensivebout of thinking on this one good luck friend!

super_furry

If as you say, love her, then you won't want to split up just to see what it's like. Sounds to me like you may not love her as much as you think. Decide what your true feelings are for her before doing anything.

LadyJ

The question is does your love for her surpass your curiosity to explore life without her?

LegacyUser

Well i do love her and all but its just not as serious as 'the rest of our lives together' and all that stuff.

As much as i want to try single life, i have a feeling that id regret breaking up with her, but staying with her ill be dying of curiosity of what the single life is like.

Any clearer?

The Corinthian

"Occhio non vede, cuore non duole".

Seraphina

a translation might be helpful :P

nesf

The Dave wrote:

Hi all.

In a bit of a bind here, im in a relationship for nearly two years now but i have this nagging feeling that i want to be single to do all the things i wont be able to do when im older.

The problem is though, i love my girlfriend and i dont know if im 100% sure i want to break up with her.

I dont want to hurt her and i dont want to hurt myself either.

Anybody have any insight into these situations?

What age are you? (as usual the answer to this question points to the correct advice, generally)

Although in my opinion, if you don't want to settle down then don't mate. No point in settling down with someone and being forever plagued with doubts.


Plus loving someone does not mean that you should continue a relationship with them. Sometimes it's better for both of you if you break up and go your seperate ways.

Then again I'm a cynic.

Victor

Google is your friend! Roughly - "Eye does not see, heart does not hurt"

I presume "You don't miss what you don't have" or similar.

TC banned for obscure references to songs in other languages.

LegacyUser

Im 18

Dizzyblabla

Same thing happened to me last year... 'cept it was both of us (we hadn't talked in a few days after a tiny small fight, and we had both decided it was all off when we met again!)
The single life is great though, how old are you? If you're young, then you're better off going ahead and breaking up, or you might just end up blaming her for your lost freedom in years to come....

Gator

Give her the old Heave-ho,sounds like a slut to me!!!!!!!

Alana

sounds familiar the dave...

try the magic eight ball ...it knows all...

joking aside

If it's a "not going to spend the rest of your live together ", how long is it going to be for then...?

Also the ever girl question-do you love her or are you in love with her...?

The Corinthian

Victor wrote:

Google is your friend! Roughly - "Eye does not see, heart does not hurt"

I presume "You don't miss what you don't have" or similar.

TC banned for obscure references to songs in other languages.

It's an old expression that predates whatever song Google returned to you. As for its interpretation; it's not his eye or heart it's referring to...

Cathy

It means "What the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve over".
Basically, what you don't know won't hurt you.

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

I was quite literally in the exact same situation around Christmas time... had been with my then girlfriend for just over two years, both of us almost 18, loved each other... we broke up just after New Years and it was the best thing we could've done. If we had of stayed together we only would have ended up resenting each other and stuff. We were both beginning to feel a little bit claustrophobic and wanted to live life as single people again. I think it's only natural at this age, I mean, I'm sure some couples get together and 16 and live happily forever but there's a reason most don't...

You change so much between the ages of 14 and, well, I dunno when it ends but I'm still changing... chances are you aren't even the same people you were when ye got together. It's a natural progression, don't look at the fact you want out as a bad thing but just accept it and let her know and move on from the relationship. It doesn't have to be the end of your friendship, but it doesn't sound like ye want to be romantically tied any more.

Believe me, if this is how you feel then endind the relationship will be a fantastic thing for you to do! Personally, the last 2 or 3 months I was with my girlfriend were some of the worst months of my life - we still had fun together, sometimes, because she is a fantastic person and we got on really well, but at the same time I had this constant nagging feeling telling me I wanted to move on and that I was no longer happy in the relationship.

Sure, I had a couple of cries into the pillow at night and it was definitely strange for a while but in my own situation it was absolutely the right thing to do and I have no regrets about the decisions I made! Hope you do whatever you have to do man! Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk in more depth about it - the situations sound very similar!

LegacyUser

Thanks a million dude, thats about the best thing iv read all day, but i dont it could work the same for me.

Bob wrote:

We were both beginning to feel a little bit claustrophobic and wanted to live life as single people again.

The biggest of the problems is that she doesnt fell the same way as me. Becoming single is the absoloute last thing on her mind.

I really dont want to hurt her and i know that breaking up would devestate her, especially is it was to start seeing other people.
Now before i get a load of 'you have to whats best for you' replies, i think it should be noted that i myself would probably be torn apart by guilt.
I also feel that whats best for her is important too.

Bob wrote:

Sure, I had a couple of cries into the pillow at night and it was definitely strange for a while

Thats the other problem, im not entirley sure how much i love her or just how attached that i am to her.
I mean, it could be heart-breaking on me too and then id really up ****-creak.

The_B_Man

Same situation as myself before christmas. met my gf 2 weeks before i started 1st year. we would have been together 4 years this summer. it wasnt that i didnt like her anymore, i just decided i needed to be single.
whatever you decide it will be a lose-lose situation, but you have to think that when ur older you can look back and say you have no regrets, and that you didnt settle down too early. you have ur whole life to be tied down to the one person, so have fun now and take advantage of your youth.

PS that nagging feeling you have is your male primal instincts. we were put on this earth to do one thing!

LegacyUser

The_B_Man wrote:

whatever you decide it will be a lose-lose situation,

It's the lose-lose situation that's tearing me up.

isolde

I did the same. You just can't win. Even now, a good while later, I still don't know for absolute sure that I did the right thing. But I'm happy. And I guess that's all that really matters. And I spent 4 years of my life with a fantastic guy. Even the best things don't last forever.

We're all human; we all have doubts. But personally I take doubts as a sign that change is necessary. If it's meant to be, it'll come back to you.

Sure you're taking a risk but you're only 18. You've so much to do and see. There are loads of girls out there for you. Don't rush to settle on just one.

Best of luck,

~ isolde

Motley Crue

when you find someone, you usually ending up doing everything with them. A great philospher once said that to truly live life, we must fantasize about it. you are driven by fantasy and you simply want to go off and do something "magical" you believe exsists. Stick with your girlfriend, and if theres anything u want to try that badly that you really wanna do, within reason of course because dont offend the girl, then just ask her!

LegacyUser

isolde wrote:

Sure you're taking a risk but you're only 18.

Isn't there some way to take the risk without hurting/f***ing her over?

I think you got the wrong idea there Motley Crue.

tinkerbell

Dave - you still haven't answered our question. What exactly is it that you want to do "while being single"?

Is it travel, or is it just down to the basics - that you wanna see other people?

Oryx

The Dave wrote:

Hi all.

In a bit of a bind here, im in a relationship for nearly two years now but i have this nagging feeling that i want to be single to do all the things i wont be able to do when im older.

The problem is though, i love my girlfriend and i dont know if im 100% sure i want to break up with her.

I dont want to hurt her and i dont want to hurt myself either.

Anybody have any insight into these situations?

Perhaps you already know you should split but you want a bit of back up from here. Bear in mind your unsettled feelings probably wont go away, and might start to spoil things anyway. My advice? Split honestly and live a little, you could be saving both of you a lot of grief.

LegacyUser

Ive been in long term relationship for too long now, i havent been single for over four years.
You can only imagine what thats like, and i can only imagine what single life is like.

I want to have more time to put into other things, hobbies/interests etc....
To be able to spend more time with/out with the lads...being a lad myself and yes, to see other people.

tinkerbell

Well if it's gotten to the stage where you want to see other people, then you should tell her. Not fair on her.

LegacyUser

But its also not fair to end it/want to end it when im not sure if its for the best.

Does anybody know how to weigh out this type of situation?