relationships

jenny dublin

im thinking about getting into a relationship with a man who is alot older than me. does anyone have any experience or advice on the matter?

Canis Lupus

What's your age, whats his age?

jenny dublin

im 20 hes 54

sprinkles

That is a huge gap.

Do you actually see this relationship going anywhere?

If you don't mind it then I don't see why you shouldn't go out with him, but people will judge you, nothing you can do about that.

embee

I don't think that could work out to be honest, but we don't know much about the situation. Has he ever been married, divorced, has he got kids etc.... All those factors would influence whether or not it was going places. I imagine if he does have kids, they could potentially be very close to your own age... too complicated in my eyes.

LadyJ

I say if you really love him and can see this lasting then go for it. However,I'm your age and I know that a lot of people at our age can't really find it in them commit fully(and I guess that's fine because you're only young once). However,think about this man,he's been young and is probably looking to settle down. Can you really see yourself staying with him? When you're 30 he'll be 64! And I don't think it's fair to waste someone's time at that age.
Also,maybe this is not true for you but,I think I'd like to grow old with my partner,not years afterwards.
Good luck whatever you do though:D

ApeXaviour

Rule is "half your age and add 7". I'm afraid this breaks the rule.. 34 is the youngest he should be going out with.

However, rules were made to be broken. If it's a fling, fling away is my advice.. If you're expecting something long-term out of it urmm... I don't think it's a good idea, though I cant for the life of me think of a solid-concrete reason why.

Only Human

If you realy like him age shouldn't be a problem. <

---

only applies to those above 18

sprinkles

ApeXaviour wrote:

However, rules were made to be broken. If it's a fling, fling away is my advice.. If you're expecting something long-term out of it urmm... I don't think it's a good idea, though I cant for the life of me think of a solid-concrete reason why.

Touche!

Canis Lupus

Waaaaaaaaaay too big a gap. I mean kudos to the man. When I'm 54 I'd like to be scoring 20 year olds (actually at 24 I'd like to be scoring 20 year olds.... or just scoring regularly for that matter) but seriously your man is plenty old enough to be your father. So don't go prove Freud right. Find someone your own age.

I can't see your family being too happy either.

jenny dublin

i understand what people are saying but i mean i think this is just a unique situation. does anyone know of any people that are/where in a relationship with such an age gap?

LadyJ

Canis Lupus wrote:

Waaaaaaaaaay to big a gap. I mean kudos to the man. When I'm 54 I'd like to be scoring 20 year olds (actually at 24 I'd like to be scoring 20 year olds.... or just scoring regularly for that matter) but seriously your man is plenty old enough to be your father. So don't go prove Freud right. Find someone your own age.

I can't see your family being too happy either.

Good point with the father thing. MAYBE you're just craving the attention of an older man. It happens,even though you may not realise it.Be sure he's not taking advantage of this.
But christ,if it's a fling,go for it! He's 54,he must be good in bed by now!

Boston

Please stop with the psychoanalytical bull**** about father issues. Maybe she realises most men around her own age are fairly immature and fairly boring guys. Nothing wrong with an older man who knows how to treat a lady right, sex is probably allot better as well. Sure go for it. You're young and you have nothing to loose, it's not like your planning to start a family with the guy. It's not like you have anything better to do with the next 12 - 18 months of you're life, do yea?

ApeXaviour

LadyJ wrote:

But christ,if it's a fling,go for it! He's 54,he must be good in bed by now!

As stated before I concur.. Good to see a woman agree with this.

LiouVille wrote:

most men around her own age are fairly immature and fairly boring guys.

Like ourselves Liou?

LadyJ

Unfortunately this "psychological bull****" is very true in a lot of cases. Perhaps not in this situation but it happens! She should at least be aware of it.

Boston

ApeXaviour wrote:

Like ourselves Liou?

We are diamonds in the rough Dec, Diamonds. But I look around at allot of guys my ages and I think women would be insane to date them, then I look at the women and it makes sense.

LadyJ: You've nothing to base it on though. There are plenty of other more likely reasons why she would want to be apart of this relationship.

LadyJ

LiouVille wrote:

LadyJ: You've nothing to base it on though. There are plenty of other more likely reasons why she would want to be apart of this relationship.

As I said,this may not be true in the OP's case. As for in general,there's plenty of basis for this theory! Again,not in all cases but in SOME!

Boston

She's 20 years old, she isn't a teenage kids with a crush on her maths teacher. It was a simple question. It seems to be a trend that people like to read in whatever they want into posts on this forum.

up for anything

The sex can be great but the body :eek: even that of a 50+ year old in good nick.

LadyJ

LiouVille wrote:

She's 20 years old, she isn't a teenage kids with a crush on her maths teacher. It was a simple question. It seems to be a trend that people like to read in whatever they want into posts on this forum.

People are meant to read into things like this! I made a valid point and was in no way trying to patronise the OP.
I know people who,maybe because they lack a father figure,seek more male attention than most. This is a fact. Deal with it!
It may be totally wrong in this case but I don't know the OP so then again it could be true!

Like it or not,basic psychology hits the nail right on the head sometimes!

Canis Lupus

LiouVille wrote:

LadyJ: You've nothing to base it on though. There are plenty of other more likely reasons why she would want to be apart of this relationship.

Freud reckons girls go for father figures, he was pretty well respected in his field ya know. Personally I only mentioned it cos I thought it was funny and it emphasised the fact that the fella is OLD OLD OLD. Too old infact or maybe I'm just jealous that a girl my age is being snatched up by an older bloke probably cos he is sooooo mature and has money no doubt.

Give him 10 years and you will be fetching his slippers for him so he can put his feet up in front of the fire while you wanna go out DRINKING WOOOO!!!!! and he will also be saying things like: "when I was young" etc etc.

Give him 10 more years and he will be reaching the age an average man dies at. He definitely won't be a partyer then and if he is I'm sure he will do you proud down the local nite club with his walking stick or possibly wheelchair.

Of course his wing wang will probably on the blink as well by then (hell if it ain't givening him trouble already) so sex will just be suuuuuuuper.

Your parents will love you going out with a man they can relate with (possibly even older than they are) and your friends will think it's cool when he hangs with you as well.

Of course he has got to be dead interesting as well cos he can remember stull like going to school while not wearing shoes. He can tell you when the first tv and motorised horsecart came into town and lots of other stuff like that. Cool!!!

In fact I change my mind, I can't see a single thing wrong with her starting a relationship with someone twice her age.

tinkerbell

Meh, personally the idea of dating someone older than my father is totally unappealing. As some of the others said, when you're 30, he'll be 64, when you're 40, he'll be 74! What if you have kids when you are 30? By the time the kid is 10, his / her dad will be old enough to be the kid's grandfather :eek:

I'm sure you could find an amazing guy who is around your age, rather than having to settle for someone more than thirty years your senior. But, if you really like him that much, then who is to stop you?

Boston

Canis Lupus wrote:

Freud reckons girls go for father figures, he was pretty well respected in his field ya know. Personally I only mentioned it cos I thought it was funny and it emphasised the fact that the fella is OLD OLD OLD. Too old infact or maybe I'm just jealous that a girl my age is being snatched up by an older bloke probably cos he is sooooo mature and has money no doubt.

You are not Freud.

LadyJ: So now she lacks a father figure? where are you getting this? You keep trying to change to into an arguement about whether or not these things happen. I'm pointing out that you're making unfounded assumptions based on absolutely nothing.

LadyJ

LiouVille wrote:

You are not Freud.

LadyJ: So now she lacks a father figure? where are you getting this? You keep trying to change to into an arguement about whether or not these things happen. I'm pointing out that you're making unfounded assumptions based on absolutely nothing.

I'm basing this on ****ing research! I've given the girl my advice. I know nothing about her but I do know that in A LOT(ya hear me? Not ALL) cases that a young girl who craves attention from older men is trying to compensate for not getting the protection,care and unconditional love that most receive from parents.
This is a FACT. Why must you keep fighting it?
Maybe not the case her but if it is then I'd say I've helped by pointing it out!

Sangre

Liouville just resents the fact that his father never showed him affection.

jenny dublin

jenny dublin wrote:

i understand what people are saying but i mean i think this is just a unique situation. does anyone know of any people that are/where in a relationship with such an age gap?

My Grandad married my Gran when he was 51 or so, she was 18.
They had their first kid, my aunt a year later and 8 more.
He died when she was 30, leaving her 2 farms and 9 kids, they had a happy 11or 12 years.
I often remember her saying he was good in the sack, I joke you not

Boston

LadyJ wrote:

I'm basing this on ****ing research! I've given the girl my advice. I know nothing about her but I do know that in A LOT(ya hear me? Not ALL) cases that a young girl who craves attention from older men is trying to compensate for not getting the protection,care and unconditional love that most receive from parents.
This is a FACT. Why must you keep fighting it?
Maybe not the case her but if it is then I'd say I've helped by pointing it out!

Again I don't deny that some women have father issues, and crave the attention of older men as a result. But there is absolutely nothing in this thread to indicate that is what is happening and it is very condescending a patronising to suggest it. Stop making trying to twist this into being about something it's not.

Research has shown that allot of gay men have mother issues. So If someone posts here about have problems with their mother, is it ok to say "well maybe your gay" based on nothing. I've a problem with unsubstantiated conjecture, but maybes that's because I wasn't breath feed at a babe.

Sangre

Shut up Liouville.

She offered a point of view, this is what the thread is for.

Boston

No, she arm chair analysis the girl. She offered an opinion on the girls motivation for what she was doing. This is not what the OP asked for.

Sangre

Since when has PI been just about what they specifically asked?

Boston

Exactly the point I made ages ago, about people reading in more then is there into a topic. Maybe their own issues.