Complicated friendships

LegacyUser

I have two good and very close friends, we will call them A and B, they are really special to me and i would do anything for them and have always done my best to be there for them.

BUT

they cant stand each other. They just done get on with one another and im always being pulled in two different directions. When i go out with one i cant tell the other and vice versa.
But last night i was told by A that the reason they dont get on is mostly my fault. I have never put the two of them into a situation where they can talk to each other. That was a load of bull because there have been plenty of times where we were all together but the conversation was always about me and\or directed to me, they didnt speak to each other.

So many times over the last few months i have cracked over this but i cant give out to them, they both have had a pretty rough time growing up. A was abused by her step father. She only told a few people and i am one of the people that she trusts to tell (i realise that the trust was misplaced as i just told the whole world here but i need to say these things so u can understand the situation)
B told me that her brother killed himself when she was a child and she found the body. I never met her older brother but the family constantly talked about him as if he was still alive. Then one day there he is, sitting in the front room reading the paper. I have done alot of thinking on this and i am pretty sure that there was no suicide.

I feel like im an eotional crutch for these people. Im always having to listen and have my shoulder there to cry on. Im tired.

Im tired of them not getting on and blaming me for it and im tired of being their crutch but they are my best friends and have some serious issues so im not going to abandon them. I just dont know what to do to maintain my own sanity

Glipmac

head wrecked wrote:

B told me that her brother killed himself when she was a child and she found the body. I never met her older brother but the family constantly talked about him as if he was still alive. Then one day there he is, sitting in the front room reading the paper. I have done alot of thinking on this and i am pretty sure that there was no suicide.

thats just harsh man find out the truth this may help you to decide i not saying take sides but there has got to be a line

Boston

Sounds to me like very much one sided friendships. You know the end result will most likely be they will start liking each other and excluding you. Friends are there for each other, yes. But friends don't blame each other for their own problems and pull out "well this ****ty thing happened to me when I was a kid", so you have to keep liking me. I had a friend who was abused as a child, terrible terrible thing, didn't stop me telling him to get the fuk out of my life the minute his **** started to interfere with how I lived my life and who I live it with. Seriously if you not happy in your friendships, reduce the level of friendship. Ask yourself why am I friends with this person, did I choose this friendship or did it just happen because we lived on the same street, same school, whatever.

Riamfada

head wrecked wrote:

i am pretty sure that there was no suicide.

I feel like im an eotional crutch for these people. Im always having to listen and have my shoulder there to cry on. Im tired.

Hi there. It seems that you are the type of person that will take somones problems on yourself ( its not a bad thing, it indicates love + caring personality) . This however will kill you. We all have are own problems and its hard enough dealing with are own aswell as taking on those of another. Especially of a best friend when their wellbeing is important to you but it is important to distance yourself from such problems. Trust me its for your own god.

The suicide story which turned out to be a lie is very complicated. Have you talked to your friend about this?

If I was in your position I would ( and have done ) distance myself from these two people. Go out with other friends as it all seems a bit intense. Their issues with themselves and eachother are not your problems and it is not fair on you to have to have this put on you.

Chinafoot

i think i can see where you're coming from. during college this year there was a gang of four of us that always hung out. i would have been closer to A, while B & C would have been better friends. thing is, it started to become clear that B lied to us about everything.....and i mean everything. she lied about her family being ill, her exam results, her boyfriends. at first we just put up with it but she started lying about really serious stuff. we confronted her and things were ok for a little while but then got worse. this girl actually admitted to screwing over everyone shes ever been friends with. so myself and A decided enough was enough and we said see ya.

now C is in your position. she has told us that shes really hurt at the way B lies about everything but she feels liek she has to stay. thats fair enough. myself and A can see how much it hurts her and we try to make things as simple as possible when it comes to social situations. but we still hate to see our friend being walked on like this.

My advice would be to draw the line now. confront your friend about lying about her brother. friends should be honest with each other and i personally wont tolerate people lying to me and then turning around and claiming to be one of my best friends.

If they refuse to get on then thats not your problem and you cant force it. besides theres no harm in having separate groups of friends. dont let them put you in the middle. they arent friends so whats the problem?
i understand that social events where they're both there could be a hassle but leave them to it.

WhiteWashMan

head wrecked wrote:

I have two good and very close friends, we will call them A and B, they are really special to me and i would do anything for them and have always done my best to be there for them.

BUT

they cant stand each other. They just done get on with one another and im always being pulled in two different directions. When i go out with one i cant tell the other and vice versa.
But last night i was told by A that the reason they dont get on is mostly my fault. I have never put the two of them into a situation where they can talk to each other. That was a load of bull because there have been plenty of times where we were all together but the conversation was always about me and\or directed to me, they didnt speak to each other.

So many times over the last few months i have cracked over this but i cant give out to them, they both have had a pretty rough time growing up. A was abused by her step father. She only told a few people and i am one of the people that she trusts to tell (i realise that the trust was misplaced as i just told the whole world here but i need to say these things so u can understand the situation)
B told me that her brother killed himself when she was a child and she found the body. I never met her older brother but the family constantly talked about him as if he was still alive. Then one day there he is, sitting in the front room reading the paper. I have done alot of thinking on this and i am pretty sure that there was no suicide.

I feel like im an eotional crutch for these people. Im always having to listen and have my shoulder there to cry on. Im tired.

Im tired of them not getting on and blaming me for it and im tired of being their crutch but they are my best friends and have some serious issues so im not going to abandon them. I just dont know what to do to maintain my own sanity

im sorry, but what is the relationship between the two people?

why dont they talk and why is it your fault?

why do you still hang around with either of them?

Kell

Have you ever considered that A) views as a threat to your relationship with them and vice versa? Needy people dont like you knowing other needy people as it distills the amount of attention you give one or other of them.

Draw the line- tell both to cop the fúck on with themselves and sort things out or they'll both find themselves out on their arses. Needy people only want you when you keep giving in to them. Once you stop, you wont hear from them again.

Notch it up to experience and ignore texts and calls from them both. Your overall quality of life will just soar.

K-