Long term friend difficulty

LegacyUser · 20-05-2005 6:31am #1

Right.

I have this female friend who i have known for years. We are close friends known each other through school and are now both at the same college and recently i have been thinking maybe it could be something more...but something *unusual* came up.

I was messing around in a mates house, My female friend was calling around later that night as i was going to go out to the pub with her. My mate is really much more into the internet then me and he has this huge pornography stash, now i mean huge, his computer has far too much of it dedicated to it. Now i'm a well balanced young male so i naturally take a peak at a few of them.

At about the fourth or fifth movie i click open i see something that i couldnt believe. My female friend was in the movie. It was some cheap homemade one but there she was clearly in the movie performing.

I couldnt take it, i immeaditly went home, i had my friend make up some excuse and i havnt seen her since. I thought it wouldnt bother me but it is.

Its not that i am disgusted. Its just its something i never expected from her and she never seemed to be the sort of person that appears in those movies. I dont know how she'll react if i tell her, hell i dont even know what to do? I mean i think i dont have a problem with it, but when i think about that movie i feel uneasy and oh god i just dont know what to do. I guess i'm typing this out for some reassurance but at the same time someone could help me in the best approach for talking to her about it. I cant just simply say that i saw her in a porn movie does she want to talk about it?

Ruhan · 20-05-2005 7:21am

It may be something private between her and your mate.

I'd suggest testing the waters a bit, and just ask her in a casual way what she thinks of porn, bringing the subject up. Then tell her what you think of porn, not specifically the movie you saw her in, but all porn movies.

Flinty · 20-05-2005 7:34am

When you say she was in a Porn 'Movie', you talking about a home movie with a boyfriend that he later put out on the net after they had broken up (or even with her consent), right? Or is it a little homemade 'production'? I'd definitely talk to her about it, especially if you are as good friends as you say you are. If it was just a boyfriend movie then I wouldn't worry about it too much.
Have you ever been with her in the years you've known her? Do you know what her feelings are for you?

LundiMardi · 20-05-2005 8:11am

who was she in the movie with? You're friend who owns the pc? and if not how the fúck did he get it??

It all comes down to preference really, if this is a quality you don't like about her then forget about her. Simple as.

Santa Claus · 20-05-2005 8:18am

I'd be more inclined to ask your mate who has the movie about it rather than putting the "star" in question on the spot. If nothing else he'll be able to tell you where he got it from.

I'm sure it would some form of harmless fun with a BF at the time (Don't think there's a major underground porn industry in Ireland but then again I may be wrong...maybe thats were typedef got to).

What's the big deal anyway, so long as she consented to be in the film then what's the problem ? Does it really change how you feel about her.

If it was a male friend he'd probably have gone up in your estimation for being a stud, but because she's a girl it's somehow unacceptable !?!

Kell · 20-05-2005 8:18am

Personally I wouldnt say a word to her about it because ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

She did the home flick, presumably with consent and you happened to see it. So what?

If I was your mate* and you came out with "erm, I was in Jimmy's the other night and there was this clip, and you were in the money shot..... do you want to talk about it" I would tell you to fúck off and mind your own business.

Do you want to potentially lose a mate over this. Are you trying to justify her actions to yourself by coming here and posting your dilemma, because this post certainly smacks of it?

Learn to leave people alone. So long as they are doing things of their own will and no one gets injured then its none of your business.

K-

*Oh how I would love to be a porn star

20-05-2005 8:20am

Personally I'd go back to your friend with the pc and ask him about it first.

LegacyUser · 20-05-2005 10:09am

ok i should have explained that a did throw a fit at my friend when i found the tape...I know not the wisest of choices but i did blow my top. He doesnt know her too well, i dont think he even knows her that well, he just lives near college and i told her to meet me at his house. I did ask him how he get it. And he said he downloaded it off the net via a p2p program, and when i said it was a cheap homemade tape, i meant it was amateur made but it had a website title at the end. So while i havnt talked to him much since the night (more to avoid the subject then out of spite) i know his link is only he had somehow downloaded a file with her in it.

I've known her since school and i also knew most of her boyfriends (she asked me for advice regurely about them) and i have never got wind of anything like this. Its the main reason i'm so torn up by it. That i know this girl so well yet i find this and i cant find any reason for it out of all my years of knowing her.

declanoneill · 20-05-2005 10:53am

Sweet jesus, I'd tell her. She has a right to know there's a porn video of her floating around the internet. (I reakon it's unlikely she consented to have it put there)

Kinetic^ · 20-05-2005 10:56am

Ask her did she get paid for it!!!!!!

ferdi · 20-05-2005 11:00am

link?

eyebrows · 20-05-2005 11:02am

tell her you got a camcorder at home if she wants to try it again

Seriously I'd have to agree with declanoneill on this one

declanoneill wrote:

Sweet jesus, I'd tell her. She has a right to know there's a porn video of her floating around the internet. (I reakon it's unlikely she consented to have it put there)

Keyzer · 20-05-2005 11:04am

I have a sneaky feeling this is bs, if I'm wrong then apologies...
Tell her, she has a right to know that she's on the net doing the wild thing....
Let us know what she says...

Kinetic^ · 20-05-2005 11:07am

Ask her can you join the next time.Just tell her that 2 heads are better than 1.!!!!!

Beruthiel · 20-05-2005 11:21am

Keyser Soze 69 wrote:

Ask her can you join the next time.Just tell her that 2 heads are better than 1.!!!!!

keyser
I suggest you read this forums charter before making any more comments in this forum
B

Kinetic^ · 20-05-2005 11:40am

Will do Dragon Lady.

Nuttzz · 20-05-2005 12:25pm

sounds like ex revenege to me. if you tell her how will she feel? she will know that there is a porn film of her on the net and there is nothing she can do to stop it, so everytime at guy looks at her she will thing "is he interested or did he see me on the net".

The film isnt exactly everywhere and she is blissfully unaware of it, I'd say nothing for her sake tbh

WhiteWashMan · 20-05-2005 1:33pm

say nothing.
firstly, all you are going to do is embarass the crap out of her, and she will know you have seen her naked in all her glory.

if its a case of some ex revenge crap, then she either knows about it or doesnt know about it, and she probably wont want to know about it, or doesnt wnt to be reminded of it.

i think you should just, well, you know, get over it. if you dont want to see it, then dont. if you feel she is devalued as a human being for being in a home-made porno, then i think the problem is yours, and not hers.

i mean, why exactly do you feel the great need to do 'something' about something that plainly has nothing to do with you?

why do you feel the need to talk to her about it? why do you think she would talk to you about it?

what exactly is your problem?

simu · 20-05-2005 4:31pm

clean wrote:

I've known her since school and i also knew most of her boyfriends (she asked me for advice regurely about them) and i have never got wind of anything like this. Its the main reason i'm so torn up by it. That i know this girl so well yet i find this and i cant find any reason for it out of all my years of knowing her.

Friends aren't obliged to tell each other every detail of their sex lives and making porn isn't exactly a huge perversion or even unusual in these days of easy access to recording devices.

You're torn up because you saw your friend in an unexpexted, possibly incongruous, new light but you have to realise that all people have more than one dimension and that keeping some parts of one's life seperate from others doesn't necessarily constitute betrayal. You'll get over it after a while and I don't see why you couldn't still be friends. As WWM said, it's probably best not to bring this up with her at all, though.

Victor · 20-05-2005 7:14pm

"You pays your money and takes your chances" comes to mind. You use porn, your friend was in porn. How much of a difference is there?

Stark · 20-05-2005 7:26pm

Forget about it. Loads of people have fantasised about "home productions", god knows plenty of couples do it to spice things up. It's just one step above strip poker and "naked photo shoot"(I made that one up) on the "drunken fun for friends who are very comfortable with each other" scale.

And for god's sake don't mention it to her!!

tinkerbell · 20-05-2005 9:35pm

It's none of your business what she has done in the past. If you say it to her, you'll only embarrass her and she probably mightn't want to talk to you again.

It's in the past, you stumbled upon it - keep your big mouth shut and never mention it to her, coz it's got nothing to do with you!

Long term friend difficulty

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