affairs of the heart

LegacyUser

What I am to do?? My girlfriend of 2 years split up with me three weeks ago. She needed some time and space or whatever.

Thing is... it hurts deep, it hurts so so bad. She loved me and I loved her but the problem was that I wasn't great at expressing my feelings. I am quite a closed person and not open to expressing how I feel or indeed that affectionate in public. So to her it appeared I was indifferent, and she couldn't take it anymore.
I admit I was these things, but I loved her deeply, I'd even started saving for a ring, tho she didn't know. My heart feels like it has been rung out. Right now I would do anything to get back together, we have talked about such things couple of weeks ago and she wanted proof that I could change and express myself.

I feel so lost...

Beruthiel

did you say any of the above to her?
if not
bite the bullet and do it!

tinkerbell

Tell her! And tell her now!

If you aren't expressing how you truly feel with your other half, then the other party will always be wondering "does he / she really care for me?"

I'm sure if you tell her what you've said here, she'll realise that it was a mistake breaking up with you, best of luck!

Alana

Tell her before its too late!!

And maybe get her something thoughtful-ie a mix cd of songs u know she'd like, or a crazy t-shirt, or something that shes mad about-ie if she liked handbags, maybe get her a mini handbag-don't go ott tho, just something ickle and thoughtful...

Even though we may moan about them, girls like cliches-flowers, chocolates, candle lit dinners etc.

tinkerbell

Yessss, Alana hit the nail on the head! Surprise your girly with one of the above!

I love cliches - flowers, chocs, candle lit dinners, etc. My boyfriend is very good to me, he always remembers how I love these things and surprises me now and again with one of the above! So sweet he is

JoeKelly

Think all of the above are of sound advice! Dont worry too much about not expressing yourself alot of people have this problem, sounds like your good at writing how you feel so try writing too her might sound cheesey but if it works give it a shot! Good luck man!

Chinafoot

JoeKelly wrote:

try writing too her might sound cheesey but if it works give it a shot! Good luck man!

yep i definitely agree. i'm terrible at saying how i feel when it comes to relationships and have always found writing it all down works wonders.
if you write down exactly what you put in your original post and give it to her, im sure you'd be making a good start towards sorting it out.

you love her and she needs to know that....writing it down is just as good as saying it...if not better. Add loveletters to the list of clichés above

Mr.Nice Guy

alone wrote:

What I am to do?? My girlfriend of 2 years split up with me three weeks ago. She needed some time and space or whatever.

Thing is... it hurts deep, it hurts so so bad. She loved me and I loved her but the problem was that I wasn't great at expressing my feelings. I am quite a closed person and not open to expressing how I feel or indeed that affectionate in public. So to her it appeared I was indifferent, and she couldn't take it anymore.
I admit I was these things, but I loved her deeply, I'd even started saving for a ring, tho she didn't know. My heart feels like it has been rung out. Right now I would do anything to get back together, we have talked about such things couple of weeks ago and she wanted proof that I could change and express myself.

I feel so lost...

OK I'm going to give you some advice from a male perspective. I really don't like the idea of writing her a letter. That's a weak way of expressing yourself and from what your gf said to you, this isn't going to impress her. I think you should just give her the space she needs and try and get on with your life. Let her be the one to initiate something. She broke up with you to have some space so the last thing you want to do is start hassling her. Stay in touch and wait and see if she wants something with you but don't dwell on her. Call up some friends and go out and have fun and let her have her space. Anyway, that's my two cents.

Good luck man.

secret_squirrel

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

OK I'm going to give you some advice from a male perspective. I really don't like the idea of writing her a letter. That's a weak way of expressing yourself and from what your gf said to you, this isn't going to impress her. I think you should just give her the space she needs and try and get on with your life. Let her be the one to initiate something. She broke up with you to have some space so the last thing you want to do is start hassling her. Stay in touch and wait and see if she wants something with you but don't dwell on her. Call up some friends and go out and have fun and let her have her space. Anyway, that's my two cents.

Good luck man.

Are You mad??

If she broke up with him for the reasons he suspects - of course he should make an attempt to get back with her! Its much better to regret something you did in this life...rather than something you didnt.

OP - go for it tell her how you feel -NOW!!! You may regret it for the rest of your life it you dont. - Even if she says no thanks - how can you be any worse off?

Mr.Nice Guy

secret_squirrel wrote:

Are You mad??

If she broke up with him for the reasons he suspects - of course he should make an attempt to get back with her! Its much better to regret something you did in this life...rather than something you didnt.

OP - go for it tell her how you feel -NOW!!! You may regret it for the rest of your life it you dont. - Even if she says no thanks - how can you be any worse off?

No I'm not mad. Are you? She broke up with the guy cos she needed space and your solution is for him to start hassling her? You make it seem like she's leaving the country to live abroad and that he needs to make a last ditch effort to stop her! If they've gone out for two years I wager they'll still keep in contact so there's no need for him to do anything rash. He needs to play it cool in my opinion and let her do the chasing if she wants to.

Kinetic^

Why did she want to change him?? She was going out with 2 years & then she wants to change him. She's a twat,obviously wanted something else & that 2 yrs was just a stop gap or something.

CyberGhost

agreed,

she will play with you like a clay, and then throw you away again.

for 2 years, you didn't express anything and she just took it and stayed? riiiight.....

Emmo

Nothing like a grand romantic gesture my man.

Express yourself to her, explain what you said to us. Explain how you feel about her. Do it in public and throw every part of yourself into it.

If you love her what can you possible lose?

Emmo

Mr.Nice Guy

Emmo wrote:

Nothing like a grand romantic gesture my man.

Express yourself to her, explain what you said to us. Explain how you feel about her. Do it in public and throw every part of yourself into it.

If you love her what can you possible lose?

What can he lose? How about his dignity and self-respect when she lashes out at him for such a desperate act? Why are people acting like his ex is about to go leave for Brazil and that there must be a desperate rush to the airport to stop her?

The man must simply keep it cool. It's his ex's loss for dumping the guy.

CyberGhost

Emmo wrote:

explain what you said to us.

or just send her this link, that would save time

secret_squirrel

Hang on a sec - the I need space arguement is generic excuse #1. The OP doesnt seem to believe it.

The OP seems to believe there are other reasons why she went off - namely his lack of expression of feelings towards her. If he is right - the best thing he can do is give getting back with her a damn good shot.

And if the OP is wrong - what has he lost but a bit of pride? No major loss there - at least he will be able to look back and say he tried.

Mr.Nice Guy

secret_squirrel wrote:

Hang on a sec - the I need space arguement is generic excuse #1. The OP doesnt seem to believe it.

The OP seems to believe there are other reasons why she went off - namely his lack of expression of feelings towards her. If he is right - the best thing he can do is give getting back with her a damn good shot.

But she broke up with him because she wanted space! She made the call! It's not up to him to go begging to her as it demeans him. He should respect her wishes and let her come to him if she wants to.

secret_squirrel wrote:

And if the OP is wrong - what has he lost but a bit of pride? No major loss there - at least he will be able to look back and say he tried.

Why lose pride at all? Let her do the work!

secret_squirrel

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

But she broke up...yada..yada..yada...if she wants to.

*sigh* try reading the original post again - specifically

alone wrote:

and she wanted proof that I could change and express myself.

The guy believes the real issue was the above - not space. Therefore whilst its not a bad idea to point out that he might be wrong - any advice we should give him needs to be based on the facts he gave us - not the facts we think are true.

cordelia

Better to regret what you have done that what you have not.

From a woman's perspective I can tell you that she may very well have broken up with you because she feels that the relationship is at a dead end due to your lack of expressive ability. You better get to expressing yourself. Tell her how you feel. Take a chance. It's easier to sit around thinking "I'm going to be cool and let her make the first move." To hell with being cool. There's nothing desperate about fighting for the person you love. Because we're not talking about just some girlfriend. We're talking about the woman you want to grow old with, have children with, etc, etc, etc. What's that line from "When Harry Met Sally"?:

"When you realize that you've met the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible."

So, go on. Be a fool. Buy the ring. Get the flowers. Take her to the middle of O'Connell Bridge, get down on your knee and ask her to marry you. Make it big, grand, and romantic. Make it a story to tell your kids about.

Mr.Nice Guy

secret_squirrel wrote:

*sigh* try reading the original post again - specifically

Uh, why should I read the original post again?

secret_squirrel wrote:

The guy believes the real issue was the above - not space. Therefore whilst its not a bad idea to point out that he might be wrong - any advice we should give him needs to be based on the facts he gave us - not the facts we think are true.

Wrong. THE GIRL BROKE UP WITH HIM BECAUSE SHE NEEDED SPACE.

He must respect her wishes. Advice we give him is based on the total picture not just his perspective of events! :rolleyes:

secret_squirrel

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

Wrong. THE GIRL BROKE UP WITH HIM BECAUSE SHE NEEDED SPACE.
...snip..... Advice we give him is based on the total picture

And your statement above is based on the total picture is it?

OP try what Cordy said - Im a sucker for a happy ending . I think the ladies of boards are closer to this issue......

Mr.Nice Guy

secret_squirrel wrote:

And your statement above is based on the total picture is it?

I see you edited my statement above especially the key bit - he must respect her wishes. Yes it is based on the issue as a whole as opposed to you looking at one side only.

secret_squirrel wrote:

OP try what Cordy said - Im a sucker for a happy ending . I think the ladies of boards are closer to this issue......

Do this and you'll regret it OP. Listen to what most of the guys have said here. The fact is, this woman who you dated for two years tells you she doesn't feel you express yourself enough and dumps you to get herself more space, and yet some people feel you should go after her with flowers and chocolates etc? Sorry buddy but that's ridiculous.

Society teaches this kind of nonsesne to guys. Be a real man instead of a lovesick puppy. What would John Wayne or Steve McQueen do in this situation? They certainly wouldn't go begging after a girl who dumped them.

Man to man, I say to you go out with your buddies and try and get past this girl who made a mistake in dumping you. Let her see that she made a mistake and let her come after you. If she doesn't, then she never cared for you in the first place. Play it cool and be a man and keep your dignity. Good luck man.

Chinafoot

ok first off to Mr. Nice Guy.....have you ever actually been in a relationship for 2 years where you love the person so much that you're thinking of buying the ring?? from the sound of your "advice" it doesnt really seem like you have ever been in love. now i'm not suggesting that that negates your ability to offer advice but it would make it difficult for you to put yourself in the position of the poster.

also, just because a girl says she needs space doesnt necessarily mean that thats the only reason. the OP has stated that she wants proof of how he feels....he hardly made that up out of nowhere. they have most likely talked about it before. the OP is the one who has been in the relationship for 2 years and therefore we should go by all of what he says and not just certain parts.

as for playing it cool and letting her do the work....bad bad bad idea. she has already voiced her problem with his lack of affection and expression of emotions. how the hell is "playing it cool" going to help the situation? the OP clearly loves this girl and he should go out there and do his best to get her back if thats what he wants.

as the others have already said, you never regret the things you do, only the things you dont do.

to the OP: best of luck.

Mr.Nice Guy

peachypants wrote:

ok first off to Mr. Nice Guy.....have you ever actually been in a relationship for 2 years where you love the person so much that you're thinking of buying the ring?? from the sound of your "advice" it doesnt really seem like you have ever been in love. now i'm not suggesting that that negates your ability to offer advice but it would make it difficult for you to put yourself in the position of the poster.

So you make the assumption that I've never been in love just because of my advice which for some reason you put in quotation marks? What if I were to tell you I once found myself in a very similar situation to this? Let me tell you the answer is not to hassle a girl who wants space! I know his position very well and I'm sure alot of guys here do.

peachypants wrote:

also, just because a girl says she needs space doesnt necessarily mean that thats the only reason. the OP has stated that she wants proof of how he feels....he hardly made that up out of nowhere. they have most likely talked about it before. the OP is the one who has been in the relationship for 2 years and therefore we should go by all of what he says and not just certain parts.

She dumped him and she wants him to jump through hoops for her. That's crazy. As an earlier poster said, they were together 2 years so she would have known enough about his feelings.

peachypants wrote:

as for playing it cool and letting her do the work....bad bad bad idea. she has already voiced her problem with his lack of affection and expression of emotions. how the hell is "playing it cool" going to help the situation? the OP clearly loves this girl and he should go out there and do his best to get her back if thats what he wants.

Did you read his post? She dumped him because she wants space! She wants him to play it cool! You are asking him to hassle this girl which will lead him to have his heart broken by this girl who dumped him. Remember she dumped him. He needs to back off, play it cool, go out and get on with his life and wait and see if she wants something more.

peachypants wrote:

as the others have already said, you never regret the things you do, only the things you dont do.

to the OP: best of luck.

If she rejects him (which she will cos she wants space) he will regret it. The guy needs to leave the ball in her court. It's not worth the hassle you all wish to put him through.

And peachypants you know nothing about my life so you shouldn't make such assumptions.

Chinafoot

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

She dumped him and she wants him to jump through hoops for her. That's crazy. As an earlier poster said, they were together 2 years so she would have known enough about his feelings.

right ok, so you're saying that because they were together for 2 years she should automatically be aware that hes still in love with her even if he doesnt show any affection? that is bull. why would anyone stay in a relationship where they are unsure of how their partner felt about them??

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

Did you read his post? She dumped him because she wants space! She wants him to play it cool! You are asking him to hassle this girl which will lead him to have his heart broken by this girl who dumped him. Remember she dumped him. He needs to back off, play it cool, go out and get on with his life and wait and see if she wants something more.

yes i did read his post, i just didnt feel it necessary to ignore the section where he says how he has problems showing emotion and how his girlfriend wants proof that he can change and express his emotions. why would she ask for proof if she wanted him to leave her alone? if she thought the relationship was 100% dead then she probably would have just said goodbye.

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

If she rejects him (which she will cos she wants space) he will regret it. The guy needs to leave the ball in her court. It's not worth the hassle you all wish to put him through.

And peachypants you know nothing about my life so you shouldn't make such assumptions.

and how do you know for a fact that he will be rejected?? perhaps it is you who should not be making assumptions. if she does reject him then at least he knows he tried, instead of wondering what if for the rest of his life.

Mr.Nice Guy

peachypants wrote:

right ok, so you're saying that because they were together for 2 years she should automatically be aware that hes still in love with her even if he doesnt show any affection? that is bull. why would anyone stay in a relationship where they are unsure of how their partner felt about them??

You answered that one for me with your last sentence. Why would she go out with him for two years if she was unsure of how he felt about her? I think her reason for breaking up with him was bull and another poster on the thread agreed.

peachypants wrote:

yes i did read his post, i just didnt feel it necessary to ignore the section where he says how he has problems showing emotion and how his girlfriend wants proof that he can change and express his emotions. why would she ask for proof if she wanted him to leave her alone? if she thought the relationship was 100% dead then she probably would have just said goodbye.

But you felt it necessary to ignore the section where she breaks up with him because she needs space. Why would she break up with him and ask for space? Why would she demand he express his emotions better despite going out with him for two years already? Took her a while to say something about that, didn't it? Why does she want "proof"? She's putting him through hoops that's why.

peachypants wrote:

and how do you know for a fact that he will be rejected?? perhaps it is you who should not be making assumptions. if she does reject him then at least he knows he tried, instead of wondering what if for the rest of his life.

He will be rejected because he is not respecting her wishes. And I never made assumptions about you peachypants unlike you and your unnecessary assumptions about me. And he'll hardly be wondering what if for the rest of his life. As I said, she's not going abroad so he doesn't have to do anything drastic. He is clearly keeping in touch with the girl as it is. I am saying he shouldn't be the one to initiate anything and that he should let her make her own mind up.

arbeitsscheuer

Oh, where is WhiteWashMan when you need his wisdom...

Anyway, I agree with Mr.NiceGuy, I think he's talked the most sense on this thread. Any time a girl breaks up on the basis of asking for "space" there should be alarm bells ringing straight away - because almost everyone I've spoken to about this (I've experienced this before btw) concurs that this is a completely nebulous excuse. Bullsh*t, basically.

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

She's putting him through hoops that's why.

Bingo.

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

He will be rejected because he is not respecting her wishes.

Again, spot on. And then she will be in the right, and justified in severing all ties with him. (Been there, done that. Ill-advisedly.)

Best bet is to cool it for a while. Let her make her own mind up, and if she really wants to get back with him, then he can tell her how he feels (i.e. what he posted at the start of this thread)

Mr.Nice Guy

SebtheBum wrote:

Again, spot on. And then she will be in the right, and justified in severing all ties with him. (Been there, done that. Ill-advisedly.)

Been there myself mate and it ain't a pretty situation to be in.

0utshined

OP,

Congratulations, you are her standby. She isn't exactly dumping you, more moving you to one side so she can meet other people and if it doesn't work out you'll be there to fall back on. If the real reason was that you have trouble expressing emotions could she not have discussed this with you rather than breaking up? You would be well advised to listen to Mr. Nice Guy and forget about her for the time being and go have some fun. Maybe you'll end up back together, maybe you won't but for now leave her be.

All IMVHO of course.

tinkerbell

SebtheBum wrote:

Oh, where is WhiteWashMan when you need his wisdom...

I knew there was something missing from the boards this week! Where is he?!

If the OP thinks that the reason she broke up with him was because "he wasn't expressing himself", then he should go talk to her and try to resolve the issues. I know some people here are advising him not to, but hey if he feels so strongly about her, then he should buck up and do what he can do to make things right again.

However, if it was because of some other underlying reason, e.g. the space thing, then a grand gesture probably won't work. But, that said - the OP said in his post that he got the impression she broke up with him because he wasn't showing his feelings towards her. Like peachypants said, why would she stay in a relationship if she loved him but was unsure how he felt about her because he never expressed himself often enough?

Hope it works out for you OP, let us know how it goes

arkles

ok
i have been in the same position (12 mts ago after 7 yrs together) as the original poster, ie:she needed space, but i being a silly git started begging pleading to get back with her, i pushed her away. she has told me since that if i had given her her space and left her alone, she would have returned shortly afterwards, she did return but it took ages and we had to go the friendship route 1st.

from the horses mouth i tell u now if a girl wants space give it to her, dont push her away, the ball is in her court now, she will contact u when she is ready

"if you hold the sparrow too tightly in your hand for fear of it flying away as you love its singing so much and you can't bear the thought of it flying away, you will eventually smother it to death"

read that quote over and over again

no contact...no contact....no contact

take care

CyberGhost

arkles wrote:

"if you hold the sparrow too tightly in your hand for fear of it flying away as you love its singing so much and you can't bear the thought of it flying away, you will eventually smother it to death"

that's why a man invented a cage!

WhiteWashMan

alone wrote:

What I am to do?? My girlfriend of 2 years split up with me three weeks ago. She needed some time and space or whatever.

Thing is... it hurts deep, it hurts so so bad. She loved me and I loved her but the problem was that I wasn't great at expressing my feelings. I am quite a closed person and not open to expressing how I feel or indeed that affectionate in public. So to her it appeared I was indifferent, and she couldn't take it anymore.
I admit I was these things, but I loved her deeply, I'd even started saving for a ring, tho she didn't know. My heart feels like it has been rung out. Right now I would do anything to get back together, we have talked about such things couple of weeks ago and she wanted proof that I could change and express myself.

I feel so lost...

you went out with a girl for 2 years, and she still thinks you are closed off?

2 things

1) you are

2) the girl was stupid for 2 years.

your choice.

toyomi

Cordelia you are totally right. Op, you must listen to the advice from the female perspective as we understand why she broke up with u- while she may say she needs space thats not the reason she broke up with u. The real reason is your inability to tell her how you feel, she probably constantly wonders does he love me/doesnt he.
So to try and mend your broken heart you must tell her how you feel, nothing to lose but all to gain.
Most of the lads have given pretty crap advice i.e go out and forget about her-- sure do that after you try and win her back so at least you'll never look back and wonder what if
Best of luck

secret_squirrel

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

What would John Wayne or Steve McQueen do in this situation?

Advice based on how you've seen them act in films and their public persona's - classy!
Maybe the OP should try to jump the Swiss-German border on a motorbike whilst he's at it?

Mr.Nice Guy

secret_squirrel wrote:

Advice based on how you've seen them act in films and their public persona's - classy!
Maybe the OP should try to jump the Swiss-German border on a motorbike whilst he's at it?

He would do well to listen to what the men who have been in situations like this have advised him. You and the poster before you have given atrocious advice. If he follows that he will have his heart broken and his dignity taken from him.

As SebtheBum said, if he doesn't respect her wishes she will be able to say she was justifed in severing ties with him and as arkles mentioned, if he hassles her and pours out a load of emotion at her, she will likely run a mile. He needs to cool off and let her make her own mind up. If she wants to be with him she'll contact him. She broke up with him so if she wants him back she needs to be the one to initiate it.

A real man wouldn't act as a lovesick puppy but would carry himself with dignity. Men like John Wayne and Steve McQueen were examples of what men should be like as opposed to current society which seeks to emasculate men through characters like Chandler Bing on Friends and Ray Romano on Everybody Loves Raymond who portray men as being completely whipped!

chump

Jaysus, if he makes one final effort to get her back it's can't exactly be considered "hassling" her and driving her away. It's not exactly the equivalent of sending her a 1000 txts/calls, we're talking about 1 final last ditch effort.
Which I'd advise him to go for, say his piece, lay his cards on the table, tell her the balls in her court now and walk away.

He'll soon find out his answer if he does it this way...

One final piece, if the OP stoops low enough to send her a letter it's over before she even opens it, unless she's a right eejit

Bootgal

Beruthiel wrote:

did you say any of the above to her?
if not
bite the bullet and do it!

god why do you have to be so bleedin ignorant and short, the poor chap is going through heartache.. Be nice and say it with a smile!!

secret_squirrel

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

A real man wouldn't act as a lovesick puppy but would carry himself with dignity. Men like John Wayne and Steve McQueen were examples of what men should be like as opposed to current society which seeks to emasculate men through characters like Chandler Bing on Friends and Ray Romano on Everybody Loves Raymond who portray men as being completely whipped!

You seem obsessed about the OP acting like a real man? Why exactly? Being a real man is about assessing all your options and doing what you feel is right - not about copying an actor playing a role. The sad fact is that you know nothing of how any actor behaves in his private life - therefore basing any advice on what you have seen on TV is ludicrous. Get out much?

A real man is has more than enough strength of character to try to mend things with his girlfriend, and is secure enough in himself to do it in a way that maintains his dignity.

A real man is willing to change and compromise for someone he loves - to meet them halfway.

OP try to ignore the reek of testosterone wafting around this thread, and good luck on the decision you make.

bootgal wrote:

...noob twaddle....

You do realise how long and well Beru has been offering advice on this forum dont you?

Beruthiel

Bootgal wrote:

god why do you have to be so bleedin ignorant and short, the poor chap is going through heartache.. Be nice and say it with a smile!!

banned for personal abuse and being off topic

B

tinkerbell

Bootgal wrote:

god why do you have to be so bleedin ignorant and short, the poor chap is going through heartache.. Be nice and say it with a smile!!

I do believe it's you that's being totally ignorant here. Beruthiel is the moderator of this forum and has always offered sound, decent advice, whatever the problem is. She keeps this place from being reduced to total chaos. Maybe next time, think before you put your foot in it when you go insulting her.

There was nothing wrong with her post - she advised the poster to go tell his girly how he feels, what's wrong with that?!

To be honest, I think that if the OP wasn't able to express himself at all for two whole years, then there is definitely a problem there. After that length of time, two people in a relationship should be totally comfortable with each other, and be able to say anything to the other party. Not knowing how to express yourself to that person after being with them for two years .... so maybe there is another underlying issue here.

However, he said he was thinking of getting her a ring, well if he was thinking that, then he obviously loves her very much. She doesn't know this. He should bite the bullet and tell her how he feels. Don't hassle her, just tell her how you feel, and then let her make up her own mind.

If you just leave it and say nothing, you'll always be wondering "what if". If you hassle her to no end and she runs away, you'll be saying "what if I hadn't hassled her". If you just meet up with her and explain to her how you feel, and then let her make up her own mind about your future, then you won't have any regrets. Talking to his girlfriend of two years is not a crime, just don't hassle her, because she could run a mile. Just put the ball in her court, hopefully she'll see sense and she'll come running back

Mr.Nice Guy

secret_squirrel wrote:

You seem obsessed about the OP acting like a real man? Why exactly? Being a real man is about assessing all your options and doing what you feel is right - not about copying an actor playing a role. The sad fact is that you know nothing of how any actor behaves in his private life - therefore basing any advice on what you have seen on TV is ludicrous. Get out much?

It's not about actors or acting. :rolleyes: It's about society's interpretation of what men should be today as opposed to what it was in the past. Today, men are told nonsense about putting women on pedestals and basically bending over and letting women walk all over them. The OP's girlfriend gives him a BS excuse about not knowing how he feels (despite dating him for two years) and that she wants space and some of the solutions offered on this thread have been absolutely ridiculous. Get her chocolates, send her flowers, buy her a ring etc. What rubbish! If he does this she'll be repulsed and will break his heart. Guys on this thread have stated this numerous times. Guys who have been in similar situations and who know what they're talking about. :rolleyes:

secret_squirrel wrote:

A real man is has more than enough strength of character to try to mend things with his girlfriend, and is secure enough in himself to do it in a way that maintains his dignity.

The men on this forum have told him how to keep his dignity. Give her the space she asked for and for him to get on with his life. It is not strength of character to go running after a woman who has dumped you to get more space. On the contrary, that is needy and desperate.

secret-squirrel wrote:

A real man is willing to change and compromise for someone he loves - to meet them halfway.

Compromise, perhaps. Change? I don't think so! Why should this guy change? He has dated his girlfriend for two years and she stuck with him an now she decides she wants to break up unless he changes? The answer to that is simple - forget about her. As Outshined said, she's putting him on standby in case someone better comes along.

secret_squirrel wrote:

OP try to ignore the reek of testosterone wafting around this thread, and good luck on the decision you make.

No OP, ignore the oestrogen rantings of people who have watched Notting Hill and other chick flicks a little too often. :rolleyes:

Skip

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

No OP, ignore the oestrogen rantings of people who have watched Notting Hill and other chick flicks a little too often. :rolleyes:

As far as I remember in Notting Hill it's the guy who says no to the girl, and everyone says he was right doing so, except for another silly guy

That's not the point though, I think if the girl still contacts the bloke, and they've been discussing this not-being-able-to-open-up issue, then the girl deffo doesn't simply want to say good-bye to him and never look back. On the other hand, she might really want to have time to think it over, so maybe it'd really be good to let her do so (but not too much )

There are people who can never open up, not even in the course of two years. It's not like black and white, like you either open up or shut your mouth, it's never like this. And sometimes opening up is worse than keeping closed.

I'd say he should try to express his feelings -- if they're genuine, and the girl still loves him, she'll deffo appreciate it, and won't take him for a prick and he won't lose his self respect. It's all a matter of how real the feelings of both parties are. Otherwise it's really just bull and not worth more than a thread on a nameless board.

Emmo

Im a bloke, I say go for it cause if she is your love it will be worth it. If you fail then so what, only thing bruised is your ego.

No harm there mate.

Emmo