Maturity?

Dimitri

This thread may seem chidish but i'm seek to death of people telling me to grow up. last week my older sister was lecturing me yet again and ended it by saying "your a man now start acting like it". I always thought maturity was something that came to you over time. So i'm asking the good people of boards what is it that makes you view others as being immature/childish and can you just decide not to be greasy teen anymore? So what is it that defines maturity for you?

Con9903

you probably are pretty mature, your sisters just an idiot. Although what was she lecturing you about? Just say to her, " How am I meant to be mature and be a man when you (your sister) are breathing down my neck and lecturing me".

Dimitri

mainly about study but she also threw in that i dont take enough pride in my appearance (that one hurt) a lot of what they(both sisters when they're together) say to me is very general and usually about the amount i go out and the lack of usually finished off with "why dont you just grow up?"

Con9903

Dimitri wrote:

mainly about study but she also threw in that i dont take enough pride in my appearance (that one hurt) a lot of what they(both sisters when they're together) say to me is very general and usually about the amount i go out and the lack of usually finished off with "why dont you just grow up?"

It sounds to me like they are the ones that need to grow up. Just totally ignore them, I mean do not acknowledge their existance. They will eventually get the picture. It will piss them off as they are not getting a reaction from you.

The_Bullman

growing up is over-rated

leeroybrown

I think that generally when people use lines like "why dont you just grow up?" it's because they can't think of anything constructive to say. Telling someone you consider immature to "grow up" is somewhat of an oxymoron and might well end up being counterproductive. Just ignore the comments.

Dimitri

Unfortunetely i find them very hard to ignore cause all in all i respect what they have to say and I think ive pretty much accepted that what they is correct about me, i'm wondering how does one go about change or is it possible?

0utshined

Dimitri wrote:

I think ive pretty much accepted that what they is correct about me

What?

Knock that on the head for starters. Your sister was going on at you for "not taking pride in your appearance". That reads to me like you don't dress the way she wants you to so she's trying to make you feel bad and doubt yourself until you do. Tbh, it's your choice and none of her business what way you dress or act. If she doesn't like it or thinks you're making a mistake she can talk and advise but if she can't do that without berating you or using hackneyed phrases then i'd doubt her supposed maturity as well.

Con9903

sounds to me like theres a lack of mutual respect. You respect them yet to me it sounds like they don't have an ounce of respect for you. You should stop worrying about how to live up to their expectations and do what you want. Be a man, don't fold and jump when they so

Beruthiel

Dimitri wrote:

mainly about study but she also threw in that i dont take enough pride in my appearance (that one hurt)

honestly
none of their business if you're happy with your appearance!
are you studying?

"why dont you just grow up?"

this is totally relative, ie – everyone has their own idea of what grown up means and/or how they wish to live their lives, how they do that is their decision and no one else’s!

seamus

It depends on a lot of things, mostly what you're doing now and what age you are. If you're a student, then going out a lot and not really giving a **** about your appearance are appropriate. In fact, I'd say it's mandatory - college allows you those few years to be a complete bum, and get away with it.

On the other hand, if you're arguing with them because you're being petty and refusing to do cleaning/cooking etc because you're being a lazy bastard, then your sisters are right.

Beruthiel

seamus wrote:

In fact, I'd say it's mandatory - college allows you those few years to be a complete bum, and get away with it..

indeed
as chef says:
there's a time and place for everything
and it's called college

~Rebel~

I found moving out for college (at 19) totally changed my relationship with family. Used to get in the usual family rows with brothers/parents but since moved out (nearly 22 now) always been grand when went home, actuallyget on really well with all my family now. Can talk to my parents like friends when go out home the odd weekend and stuff. Dunno if this is any use to your situation at all, not saying "move out" or anything, I disagree with what your sisters are saying, its totally up to you how you dress and stuff, for example you should see the state of me! But you were asking about what it is thats growing up and to that id say try to see the people in your family more AS people, stand up for your opinions and hopefully they'll see you as an individual with your own ideas and respect you for it.
hope that can help in some way..good luck!

The Corinthian

Maturity is a difficult thing to define, but if I were forced to do so I would have to say that it comes down to an appreciation for the consequences of our actions or inaction. As such, some people mature faster than others and in different ways (you could be mature about some things and not in others). It’s also a relative term as being based largely on experience it is an ongoing process.

Having said that, I’ve observed that people change and mature a lot from, say, the age of 15 to 20 and 20 to 25, but for some odd reason (perhaps cultural) we don’t really change that much after we hit around 25 years of age.

Your sister was most likely chastising you over her perception of you being self indulgent and / or lazy. Many consider a work ethic a sign of maturity, but even if it is not, a chronic lack of one is certainly a character flaw to be avoided. So I’d focus less on the question of maturity and more on the substance of her criticisms - if you’re bumming around, not doing anything much, then this is the problem and calling it immaturity is just a simple way of describing it.

A metaphysical, preferably self-imposed, kick to the head is generally the best approach to a solution.

hullaballoo

It looks like your sisters are just doing what girls love to do best--label you as immature because you're a boy.

Everyone knows girls are more dilligent than lads, so when a guy isn't studying when he should be, it's the easiest thing in the world to tell him to grow up.

No older sister wants their younger brother to be anything but well kept an clean shaven, or so says my experience, but if you really think you don't dress well, tell them you want them to take you shopping (or else go with a female friend, that's what I do,you get the best results that way!)

Auf

Emmo

as Corithian said maturity is the abaility to handle the consequences of our actions (or nicely added too by the way inactions)

Ask them how should you behave / dress / act?

Then ignore them if they suggest anything your not comfortable with.

Pretend to listen, maybe they just want to vent their splean at you.

My best mate dresses like a bum, he is unkempt and he doesnt have a job. He is great craic to be around and is now a professional artist. His paintings are being sold for upto a grand a time.

He is mature enough to know that if wants cash he has to paint.

Dont try and conform, try to find your own style and way of doing things.

Emmo

Talliesin

Dimitri wrote:

This thread may seem chidish but i'm seek to death of people telling me to grow up. last week my older sister was lecturing me yet again and ended it by saying "your a man now start acting like it".

What exactly was she deeming immature?

Stark

Emmo makes quite a bit of sense. One of the things about being mature is the ability to step outside other people's definition of maturity. "Grow up and start acting like a man" is a very petty insult as being a man doesn't mean not having undesirable qualities. If you were to look at a young child playing happily, would you wish for it to "grow up and start acting like an adult"?

The Corinthian

Stark wrote:

If you were to look at a young child playing happily, would you wish for it to "grow up and start acting like an adult"?

Stewie from Family Guy springs to mind...

Dimitri

Talliesin wrote:

What exactly was she deeming immature?

As the Corinthian mentioned a lot of what sets my eldest sister off is a poor work ethic and my seeming contentedness to scrape by. A lot of it stems from the fact that she did a fierce amount of work for school and college, i dont. But shes great at drifting off topic a usual rant will also take into accout the music i listen to, the amount of time i spend on the computer, my lack of understanding that my other sister is also doin exams...and it goes on.

0utshined

Maturity lesson #1

Don't take that crap from her. She is not your parent.

Emmo

ok ignore Outshined.

Here is the mature option.

Speak to her as an adult and explain that you appreciate that she only cares for you but that you feel that as an adult now you should be allowed to make lifestyle choices on your own.

Point out that the music you listen to is no indication of maturity (im sure she has some crap she listens to) and explain that in order to be a man you think that the correct way to handle this would be for her to offer advice based on her experiences and let you decide how best to use this information.

If she tries to boss you explain that you think you are mature and intelligent enough to decide for yourself but explain that once again you are glad she cares about you.

Your hobbies are your own choice as to is your dress sense and work ethic.

If she has to work hard to achieve and you can coast by with life then she is just being jealous and thinks you are wasiting talent.

**** THAT ****, you are entitled to live your life. Explain that in a mature, calm and sensible way. Then ask would she like a cup of tea.

Kill her with kindness, dont shout. If she starts to shout then explain that you feel this behaviour is condusive to an adult discussion. If she rambles explain that this discussion needs to remain focused.

She will hate it but you will be in a mature conversation.

Emmo

0utshined

Emmo,

That's certainly one way of approaching the situation but an equally valid one is standing up to her and letting her know that he is an adult and can make his own choices and possibly mistakes. Actually rereading your post I think we are advocating the same thing but I would be more aggresive about it telling her if she can't speak to you in a civil manner like she would to one of her friends then she should STFU and leave you alone. I'm sure the OP will know himself which method he is more comfortable using.

Dimitri

Emmo wrote:

Kill her with kindness, dont shout. If she starts to shout then explain that you feel this behaviour is condusive to an adult discussion. If she rambles explain that this discussion needs to remain focused.

She will hate it but you will be in a mature conversation.

Emmo

Thanks Emmo that sounds like it might actually work, cause there is no way in hell i'd be able to completely ignore her! Thanks to everyone for the replies

Dimitri

0utshined

Good luck Dmitri and have a bit more confidence. Your choices are just as valid as hers.

Emmo

if anything else crops up then drop me a pm and I will see if I can help some more.

Emmo

eyebrows

just wondering if this is the reason your sister is so pissed with you is

Dimitri wrote:

my lack of understanding that my other sister is also doin exams...and it goes on.

ie. you play your music way too loud while she is trying to study and wont turn it down. If this is the case then ya are being a bit of a nob. of course I could be totally wrong in which case I'd be the nob

Dimitri

eyebrows wrote:

ie. you play your music way too loud while she is trying to study and wont turn it down. If this is the case then ya are being a bit of a nob. of course I could be totally wrong in which case I'd be the nob

used to be it be i started using head phones this year and the problem persists, not being understanding re exams has always been a problem, as
cause they are always more important than mine, ie when i was doin my junior she was doin her leavin, when i was repeating my leavin se was doin her finals this year shes doin a masters so in fairness she does have a point.
I probably should also have metioned that the one giving most of the grief no longer lives at home but i do see her nearly every day because she gets a lift to work with us in the morning

azezil

Dimitri wrote:

"your a man now start acting like it". ?

younger people say that to me a lot... my retort is usually to just make a face and spout some random jibberish WAFFLES!

So in conclusion, my bum does in fact look great in there pants.


END.

Victor

(a) Have you asked them when they are moving out of home? (petty I know).

(b) Are you meant to be doing exams at the moment? Forget everything else, do exams.

Dimitri

Victor wrote:

(a) Have you asked them when they are moving out of home? (petty I know).

She has moved out! The other one has no plans for the present.

Victor wrote:

(b) Are you meant to be doing exams at the moment? Forget everything else, do exams.

Ya i've one more exam left, but tis not for another few days, sound advice though