yes, another "what will i do?" thread..

Femelade

basically i met this bloke sat nite, friend of a friend who i hadnt met before
i ended up being with him and having a brillliant nite with him, even after he told me he was going through a messy breakup.
i found out later that his girlfriend had broken up with hm the previous week and he was finding it had to accept it.
there was alot of chemistry between us that sat nite, we tried to stay away from eachother but we couldnt.
he txt me the following day( dont even know where he got my number) to say sorry for the nite before(ie being with me when he was mad about this other girl, hence me thinking he was just leading me on - which i didnt think)

what i'm wondering is, should i txt him just to say hi and suss out the situation or should i just forget about him. he's such a lovely guy, and its definately off wit his girlfriend, and there was that obvious attraction between us(not drunk btw)

so will i txt him...or forget him....?

Beruthiel

Femmy wrote:

so will i txt him...or forget him....?

so...
what would you like to do?

toiletduck

you should definitely txt him and see what the story is

tinkerbell

Just text the guy back, if he text you then you should at least reply (if you want to)

TerrorFirmer

These sort of issues, there is no definate right answer.

You need to decide yourself...do you honestly want to forget him? No one here can really make that decision for you. No one knows what went on between you two or how you feel.

Based on what you'd said though, a little follow up wouldn't hurt, although pacing oneself considering what he's been through may be a good idea.

Good luck!

toyomi

stay away, he has to get things sorted with the x girlie and get over this relationship, also its worth bearing in mind that she finished it, so he just needs time to get over it. If the chemistry is there he'll come to you, dont chash him

Seraphina

yeah, tell him you understand he's going through a rough time, and that you'd like to go for a coffee/beer/whatever when he sorts himself out. stay friendly maybe, text him every now and again to see how its going, but dont push anything, give him time and space.

Femelade

Beruthiel wrote:

so...
what would you like to do?

i would love to txt him
i'm sorry i forgot to mention as well, that when he did txt me i did reply that sunday evening, just saying that it was grand, nice meeting him etc....
i didnt get anything back after that

~Rebel~

I think seriphina's advice is the best, just let him know you'd like to maybe have something in the future and are willing to give him some time to get his head round things. And staying in contact maybe as friends would be cool in the meantime if he was up for it.

Femelade

i think i might txt him 2moro so.....and just say hi, howre things or something along those lines....but i'll be so embarrased if he doesnt txt back! what if he really has no interest whatsoever!!! i'd be embarrased cos i know i'll be meeting him in the future some time, seeing as we have mutual friends.....

~Rebel~

Its worth taking a shot at anyway. As the chili's once said (quoteing the butthole surfers)

"Its better to regret something you did then something you didn't do"

Kell

Femmy wrote:

i'd be embarrased cos i know i'll be meeting him in the future some time, .....

Why would you be embarrassed?

Anyways- it is generally accepted that post break ups go along the lines of-

1) Been dumped
2) Bit O Grief
3) Get laid to reassure yourself
4) Bit O Grief
5) Perhaps start relationship shortly after breakup as to bandage over the hole left by ex
6) Realise you dont need filler anymore
7) Dump current partner and be on own for a while which is what you should ave done in the first place

Ask yourself if you want to be a plaster on someone elses wounded heart or do you want someone who likes you for who you are.

K-

Einstein

ah just text him back, just be aware that if anything else happens there could be the whole rebound issue to deal with, to feck it- go for it I say!

Dave

Femelade

just txted him,
hasnt delivered yet,
sent it about half hour ago,
once it delivers i'll be waiting very very impatiently for him to reply and with each half hour that passes that he doesnt reply i'll cringe a bit more, thinking :

"ahh, why did i txt him! he thinks i'm an idiot!! why oh why am i such an ass!!!"

Einstein

what did ye say? Or just tell me to mind me own business

Femelade

just very basic, along the line of "how are u keeping?"

Victor

Suggest drinks / cinema / get together to the mutual friends, without necessarily mentioning the beau. Maybe he'll show up.

Talking face to face is less anxious than waiting for a text.

LanceStorm

Kell wrote:

Why would you be embarrassed?

Anyways- it is generally accepted that post break ups go along the lines of-

1) Been dumped
2) Bit O Grief
3) Get laid to reassure yourself
4) Bit O Grief
5) Perhaps start relationship shortly after breakup as to bandage over the hole left by ex
6) Realise you dont need filler anymore
7) Dump current partner and be on own for a while which is what you should ave done in the first place

Ask yourself if you want to be a plaster on someone elses wounded heart or do you want someone who likes you for who you are.

K-

best advice I think ive ever heard, perfectly described the apres breakup situation!!

Femelade

Kell wrote:

Why would you be embarrassed?

Anyways- it is generally accepted that post break ups go along the lines of-

1) Been dumped
2) Bit O Grief
3) Get laid to reassure yourself
4) Bit O Grief
5) Perhaps start relationship shortly after breakup as to bandage over the hole left by ex
6) Realise you dont need filler anymore
7) Dump current partner and be on own for a while which is what you should ave done in the first place

Ask yourself if you want to be a plaster on someone elses wounded heart or do you want someone who likes you for who you are.

K-

did i forget to mention that i broke up with my boyfriend the day i met this guy. i was only going out with him since november, so i wasnt with my ex as long as he was with his girlfriend.

i doubt i'm looking for a plaster on my wounded heart.

CathyMoran

I do hope that it works out for the OP. Sometimes you can meet someone wonderful after a painful breakup, but do take it slow with him. I met a wonderful guy only a short while after the breakup of a longterm relationship, while it unfortunatly broke up eventually he was one of the guys that could have been the one. Just take his lead as to how fast to pace the relationship and do be careful of him being in a rebound situation.

Emmo

pictue the scene.

20 years from now

Your sitting down after polishing off a bottle of wine and feeling a bit meloncoley.

Your wondering about all the things you didnt do and wondering what might of happened.

OR

your sitting there and saying to yourself

He never texted me back.

Great bit of advice my Grandad gave me when I was starting to become a young man

Work like you don't need money, Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching

Emmo

anna20

text him. if u dont he might think ur really annoyed wit him and want nothing to do wit him ever again. if u ever meet him on a night out again he might avoid you and from the sound of it you really like him and wudnt want that to happen............

bragan

so, has it delivered, did he reply??

Larianne

I think it was good that you texted him. So he'll know you were thinking of him. And sure you'll be bumping into him through friends so it's not like you won't see him again. And sure if he doesn't text so what. It's not like you were asking him out. It was just a friendly text asking how he was. Nothing to be embarrassed about.

Just see what happens...

eyebrows

Emmo wrote:

Great bit of advice my Grandad gave me when I was starting to become a young man

Work like you don't need money, Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching

Emmo

I have to say thats some good advice although the last one's a bit dodgy. Reminds me of my brother out on the dance floor by himself(start of the night) doing the robot. Needless to say he got some good quality slagging the next day

Kell

Femmy wrote:

did i forget to mention that i broke up with my boyfriend the day i met this guy. i was only going out with him since november, so i wasnt with my ex as long as he was with his girlfriend.

No you didnt. Knots fingers as plot thickens.

Femmy wrote:

i doubt i'm looking for a plaster on my wounded heart.

Maybe not for your wounded heart, but what about something to do. Lots of people mistakenly get into relationships because they have honestly nothing better to do and are for some reason looking for strings attached sex. You sure you're not doing same?

P.S. Why does your nick sound like something that might involve a dry weave top sheet and de-odorising core and extra grip wings?

K-

WhiteWashMan

Femmy wrote:

basically i met this bloke sat nite, friend of a friend who i hadnt met before
i ended up being with him and having a brillliant nite with him, even after he told me he was going through a messy breakup.
i found out later that his girlfriend had broken up with hm the previous week and he was finding it had to accept it.
there was alot of chemistry between us that sat nite, we tried to stay away from eachother but we couldnt.
he txt me the following day( dont even know where he got my number) to say sorry for the nite before(ie being with me when he was mad about this other girl, hence me thinking he was just leading me on - which i didnt think)

what i'm wondering is, should i txt him just to say hi and suss out the situation or should i just forget about him. he's such a lovely guy, and its definately off wit his girlfriend, and there was that obvious attraction between us(not drunk btw)

so will i txt him...or forget him....?

keep in touch, have sex, have fun, but realise that you will only ever be a rebound shag and some great stress relief.

also know that he may become dependent on you as a crutch while he sorts himself out, and that if he starts to feel something for you, it will probably be based on security and companionship that he is mixing up with anything.

otherwise, if you think you may fall for him, god, stay away unless you want to really make a go of something. which tbh, i would advise against.

joejoem

Kell wrote:

P.S. Why does your nick sound like something that might involve a dry weave top sheet and de-odorising core and extra grip wings?

K-

Hee hee hee

Kell

Femmy- you still havnt told us why you would be embarrassed to meet this guy again. So why so? Unless you are very young you would have no need to be.

Please fill us in dear. Oh please.

K-

Femelade

basically, why i would be embarrased is because if i txted him and he didnt txt back, i'd be embarrased meeting him out again in the future, knowing that i txted him and that he was so uninterested that he couldnt be bothered txting back........but i dont have to worry about that, because i did txt him and it finally delivered..and low and behold he did txt back, we had a small txt conversation
no talks of meeting up as of yet, so we'll just have to see about that.


"Why does your nick sound like something that might involve a dry weave top sheet and de-odorising core and extra grip wings?"


oh for the love of sweet jesus, it does, doesnt it? better cahnge it, fairly lively!

joejoem

Femmy wrote:

oh for the love of sweet jesus, it does, doesnt it? better cahnge it, fairly lively!

Just add strings to the end of it.

Larianne

Femmy wrote:

"Why does your nick sound like something that might involve a dry weave top sheet and de-odorising core and extra grip wings?"


oh for the love of sweet jesus, it does, doesnt it? better cahnge it, fairly lively!

LMAO

Kell

Femmy wrote:

basically, why i would be embarrased is because if i txted him and he didnt txt back, i'd be embarrased meeting him out again in the future, knowing that i txted him and that he was so uninterested that he couldnt be bothered txting back

You worry too much. Seriously. Applying that rationale would put you off making a move on someone you liked that you were likely to meet again etc etc. Why be held back so much about what people MIGHT do? It never ceases to amaze me why people consider negatives rather than positives in life and hold themselves back so much.

K-

Kell

Femmy wrote:

oh for the love of sweet jesus, it does, doesnt it? better cahnge it, fairly lively!

Yes, but please make sure you let us know what the new one is so we can gentley slag you off at the next beers.

K-

jcoote

keep in touch i'd say...sound like u were enjoying bein with your ex or maybe the idea of that kinda relationship but u didn't like him or vice versa...gettin with the new guy so soon is not a bad thing and if he makes ya embarressed and all that the next time u see him he's bein a prick and u'll know then if he's a nice guy or not...

Femelade

Kell wrote:

Yes, but please make sure you let us know what the new one is so we can gentley slag you off at the next beers.

K-

decided to keep the name, damn it, who cares what it sounds like.....did u say beers???

anyway to fill ye in, since i had the wee txt conversation with him, i havent heard from him since, i'm not going to txt him again until he does, if he does that is.
i would love to meet him again, but since its been off wit my ex, i went from not caring about it(breaking up) to wondering what went wrong that we finished in the first place.....damn it i think too much!

Einstein

all women do femmy

Beruthiel

lets try to keep it on topic folks
B

Kell

Femmy wrote:

decided to keep the name, damn it, who cares what it sounds like.....did u say beers???

Check events- there's one coming up soon, and did I mention that I am single?

Femmy wrote:

but since its been off wit my ex, i went from not caring about it(breaking up) to wondering what went wrong that we finished in the first place.....damn it i think too much!

Who split with who?

Beruthiel wrote:

lets try to keep it on topic folks

Whatchatalkinabout?

K-

Femelade

well i had kinda split with him a few nites before hand because i just got the impression that he had no interest, i was talking to him the next day and he said, that i'm worrying over nothing, things were fine, he was very interested etc, i didnt speak to him anymore until he finished it the next day(that nite i went out and met the nice guy) , i wasnt bothered at the time but i am now.

still havent heard from my txting buddy!!

Kell

Femmy wrote:

i wasnt bothered at the time but i am now.

Weigh up whether you want to be in a relationship or not then. How long since the last one was this relationship? Its not surprising to be wondering "what if" after the final curtain has fallen- theres also nothing wrong with taking time out for yourself.

Femmy wrote:

still havent heard from my txting buddy!!

Should be a sign to leave him alone then. You have expectations of him that he is not going to meet so move on and find someone who does.

K-

Femelade

Kell wrote:

did I mention that I am single?

K-

lol, u didnt, but thanks for the info....so am i, if u havent guessed.
i decided to let sleeping dogs lie with regards to the guy.

*takes deep breath*
my ex thinks i am totally fine about our break up, this is the second time we have broke up since nov, and i was totally devastated the first time so i think he was kinda expecting me to be the same this time,
think he got a shock when i wasnt, i didnt even suggest meeting up and talk about it, try and sort it out,i just said "fine! bye so! see ya around" cos we didnt have a fight as such, just didnt see each other much and things just kinda fizzled out, which now i regret letting it come to that.

aaaaand......*exhales*

phew!

Kell

Femmy wrote:

lol, u didnt, but thanks for the info....so am i, if u havent guessed.

I always have a willing shoulder to cry on. Ban me Ruthie if ya dare!

Femmy wrote:

things just kinda fizzled out, which now i regret letting it come to that.

Well if the spark etc had faded is there much chance in chasing- unless of course he was the stuff of dreams and your one and only true love in which case there is every cause for chasing the dream.

If not- enjoy your own space. No offense, but to consider hopping from one relationship to another so quickly infers that maybe you just like the company and the bells and whistles. Give yourself a chance to be your own bell ringer. Much more satisfactory in the end.

K-

Femelade

thanks for the advice Kell

u are probably right ,i do kinda hop from relationship to relationship, thought this last one was right though. known him for years, always friends, alot in comon etc...but if it wasnt meant to be then i guess i'll just have to deal with it.