Any Advice

LegacyUser

I met my girlfriend a month ago, we'd sort of known each other since Septermber, But anyways we started going out a month ago, we were taking things easy, trying not to rush anything.

At the start of the relationship she told me that she was going to Australia from July to December and that she did'nt want us getting too serious. I was'nt looking for anything serious either and we just decided to go with it.

But over the past month we've both realised that we have feelings for each other and started geting pretty serious.

Last night she asked me if I would mind if it was our last night as her plans have changed and she is now going to Australia in three weeks and did'nt want things getting any more serious.

We talked about it for a while and realised that it was proborably best for both our sakes. But after discussing it things between us kinda stepped up a bit and she ended up stayng over for the first time. We spent most of the night just lieing side by side and talking.

When she left this morning we both half heartedly agreed that it was our last night. But as she left she said that she was now questioning whether she wanted to go at all.

I really like her and want to make her happy. But I don't know what to do.

Anyone here been in a similar situation? And if so what did you do?

JoeKelly

Tough one man!!! Quite a predicament you have there....any advice.....hmmm... consider going with her? Convince her to stay? Ask her to marry you?? Wait till she comes back? Or forget about her! Can you feasibly do any of the above otherwise you up the creek without any paddling device!

ShriekingSheet

I would say this. You have to let her go because even if she stays no matter how crazy she is about you it may niggle at her that she passed up a great travelling opportunity. But the good news is this- let her go, be cool about it once she knows how you feel. Then December isn't THAT far away if you reckon she's the one. She's done her travelling, she's seen how you can be selfless and act in ger intrests. Happy days.

CoNoR

dazberry

A frighteningly similar thing happened to me a number of years ago. It had all happened over a longer period of time,and without the intention we both got very serious very quickly. Ultimately America as opposed to Australia beckoned, and she went off for 6 months, but if I was still counting that 6 months would be maybe 12 years now.

I ended up absolutely heart broken over the whole episode (I'm not saying that lightly), and I really wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It was something that I carried with me for a long time.

Of all the rhetoric spouted on such things I still to this day wish I'd never got together with her - emotionally the price was too high, especially the way it all happened with the slow creeping realisation the she wasn't coming back.

You can't (and shouldn't) be the one that stops her going - IMO let her go and (try) forget about her. If she comes back in December and wants to see you again hey - that's great. If she doesn't, atleast you're not sitting in a heap clinging on to something that 'aint going to happen.

D.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice.

I have to agree with you ShriekingSheet. The one thing I am afraid of is that she may stay and that over time she will grow to resent that decision and it will come between us.

I think I'm going to wait, I told her I would. Six months is'nt that long, and I don't mind waiting for her as I do have feelings for her. I just wan't to make her happy.

OfflerCrocGod

Well it seems this is first love.....so it may be that you feel totally over the moon with her and you can see being with her forever and that this trip is going to be horrid for you being seperated from her. I've got news for you in 6 months I have no doubt that she will find someone else over there and you may also find someone else. Probably it's for the best if you both try to agree to break away from each other for those 6 months - that you agree that you are free from each other for that time and that whatever happens it's OK with the other.

Otherwise I look forward to a tearful new thread in 6 months with you deeply hurt over what she did or you did after one too many drinks etc... 6 months is a long time.....she is not the only one you will be with or you will feel strongly over, the same applies to her.

melekalikimaka

happening to me now...sniffle

senordingdong

I'd reccomend that you stay well away.

Get yourself as un-attached as possible, as soon as possible.

ADUB?

happened to me

Darn aussie's
Gf of few monthes went to australia, knew she was going for the 6 months

We stayed together, but you need ground rules , ie is it ok to snog others or not etc.
And then talk when back and see if you both want to stay together.
Talk and honesty is the key.
If you want to break up then do so
If you dont then tell her, agree rules, and talk when back
Good luck

Ps still with gf btw

~Rebel~

i was in a similer siituation but in reverse a few months ago, i was supposed to go to new york on 6 months work placement. Had been going out with someone for a few months and we just kept saying "sure its in the future nothing to worry about, probably hate each other by that point!" but as it got closer so did we and was clear decisions had to be made. I came very close to changing my mind and staying with an irish company but she insisted i shouldn't stay for her (and she was right, would probably have resented it) and we agreed we'd stay together and wait till i got back. As it turned out the company pulled out of the internship at the last minute so i was forced to stay local anyway, which all in all suits me as i got to stay with her and it was due to circumstances outside my control so no resentment, all good. we're still together too and its all good!

On the other side of things one of my friends has just left for austrailia and her and her boyfriend of nearly a year have decided to stay together for the moment, and decide if the long distance thing is working or not after a while, personally i think they will stay together though.. anyway hope this has been of some use to you, good luck!

BossArky

Go for it. 6 months isn't too long. Just don't be feeling down in the dumps and staring at your toes when you miss her. Once she comes back you can evaluate the decision. If you are still willing and she is too, then both of you will probably end up happy together after this time apart.

If the worse comes to the worse while she is away, then move on. If you didn't spend 6 months worrying about it you wouldn't feel like you wasted time and needless emotional stress.

Stay optimistic!! :cool:

WhiteWashMan

let her go. otherwise you will both probably end up being miserable.

meditraitor

edit edit,,, let her go, if she comes back wanting, your onto a goodthing

Megatron

drs wrote:

I met my girlfriend a month ago, we'd sort of known each other since Septermber, But anyways we started going out a month ago, we were taking things easy, trying not to rush anything.

At the start of the relationship she told me that she was going to Australia from July to December and that she did'nt want us getting too serious. I was'nt looking for anything serious either and we just decided to go with it.

But over the past month we've both realised that we have feelings for each other and started geting pretty serious.

Last night she asked me if I would mind if it was our last night as her plans have changed and she is now going to Australia in three weeks and did'nt want things getting any more serious.

We talked about it for a while and realised that it was proborably best for both our sakes. But after discussing it things between us kinda stepped up a bit and she ended up stayng over for the first time. We spent most of the night just lieing side by side and talking.

When she left this morning we both half heartedly agreed that it was our last night. But as she left she said that she was now questioning whether she wanted to go at all.

I really like her and want to make her happy. But I don't know what to do.

Anyone here been in a similar situation? And if so what did you do?

been in a extremely similar situation myself.

How i handeled it was more to do with my gf, and her feelings...

I let her go, I knew that if i asked her to say, or guilted her into it, not only would i not be able to live with it ( i'm jsut not that kind of guy) but that she would

1. Regret not going.
2. resent me for it.

Both don't make for good relationship bedfellows.

But i would consider going with her, if you want ofc.
If you do end up going, she would have to postpone her trip as it will take about 2 - 3 months to get everything you need.

Myself i couldn't go ( work), However my GF came back after 1 month as she got homesick