am i just second best???

katieo

Ive been wit my bf for nearly a year and a half now and i love him. The problem is that im not quite sure if he loves me...He says it to me all the time but sometimes i wonder is he just saying that to keep me happy.we got together a few months after he broke up with his ex to begin with it was just a bit of fun but it got more serious as time went on.Ive always known that he was really hurt by the break up with his ex but never really asked what happened firstly cause its none of my business and secondly cause he wouldnt tell me anyway.But recently he started talking to his ex and now when ever we're in a club and she's there he's always running around the place after her not me making sure she's ok(she only recently started drinking)it gets me really down and ruins my night.He tells me im just being jealous over nothing that they're never getting back together but i just get the feeling that im second best and always will be(she's pretty hot and im not) i dont know if i should just end it and move on or just leave things be

Bottle_of_Smoke

Just don't look at her\think about her when you're out, don't insult her etc, will make you look terrible.

Not worth breaking up over, she may be hot but I'm sure there's things about you he likes better.

chump

I'm not so sure Bottle_of_Smoke. What he's doing is not really on(as he's hurting his current gf but chasing after his ex), and if she's hot and she dumped him, and hurt him, he probably would like another bite at the cherry - that is if he got the chance. Maybe he is just settling for 2nd best. You'll have to decide that yourself OP.

Bottle_of_Smoke

He's been with Katieo for a year and a half, I think thats worth more than throwing everything away just because his ex is hot.

You are right to an extent, there is a good chance he still has a soft spot for his ex, but with that logic every girl the guy *ever* meets will be second best. All I'm saying is I wouldn't give in that easily.

Beruthiel

katieo wrote:

he broke up with his ex

he broke up with his ex
therefore it was not working
he is with you
therefore it's working

what are your conclusions from that?

WhiteWashMan

to be honest, if he broke up with her, he may feel a little guilty about hurting her, and his way of trying to adrdress that is to make a show that he cares for her.
hence the running around after her.

i would think strongly that he doesnt really have any real emotional ties to her, other than those for a past partner.

i think he just needs to understand that it makes you uncomfortable, and that while youa re not jealous, you would prefer that your boyfriend look after his girlfriend, and not his ex.

of course, he could be having an affair. who knows? humans are wonderfully complicated creatures...

Seoige

Aaw give her a break WhiteWashMan! From what the op said I really don't think its anything more than him not realising what he's innocently doing is hurting her. Just explain it to him, maybe ask him how he would feel if the roles were reversed, but there's no need to worry. Like most other posters said HE IS WITH YOU, he's going home with you at the end of the night not her, you're the one he tells he loves, you're the one he spends his time with and its obvious that after a year and a half you're the one he really does want to be with. Just try and forget about the other girl when you're out. Find someone else to talk to, maybe you could even try to get to know her better, you might realise yourself what it was that made him break it off. Good luck and try not to get too stressed!!

Santa Claus

Beruthiel wrote:

he broke up with his ex

Only problem there Ruthie is that how do we know that his ex didn't dump him and he's put a spin on it to his current gf to make it appear that he dumped her (after all no one really likes to admit they were dumped).

gubby

you need to talk to this guy op. you need to sit down and say.. this is how i feel,.... i know its none of your business why he split with her,, but it would give you an insight, and it would be a way he could prove to you that he trusts you and loves you as he says he does.
somehow,, I hate to say this. but INSTINCT is a great thing. and i think op know that something is not right here.

Bluebells

This is very unfare of him. Although, people can be dead stupid and not realise how much they are hurting you. He obviously doesnt see it as a big deal but how will that change how sad it makes you feel. If he really loves you he will make an effort to act a bit differntly. Talking is the only way to sort it out. Even if your not jelous(which you are totally entitled to be) this would piss anyone off.

goin'_to_the_PS

i think the answer to all these threads is to confront the person in question

Kell

Katieo- think of it from the point of view that you are asking the question to validate what you suspect already. If you think you are second best, then move on and find someone who puts you first all the time.

K-

pretty-in-pink

Yeah, don't stay where you don't feel cherished. I think you should break up with him, have a laugh being single, and eventually find someone who respects and admires you, and treats you like a princess. If you want to be fair then talk to him, but I'd be suss too. Anytime I've been suss over what a boyfriend has been up to, I was right. Not always a good thing........

Its a really horrid place to be, and I wish you the best of luck.

KnowItAll

Just because he talks to her doesn't mean he wants to get back with her but you don't know for sure. My advice would be to ask him. You'll drive yourself mad thinking about it.

katieo

talked to him last week he told me i was paranoid and jealous and then we broke up im completly heart broken oh well...

ADUB?

OP sounds like bf was 'move to strike'
Waiting so he could break up, i think your gut feeling was right in orig post.

I wouldnt be the most surprised puppy if he got back with the other one.
Going on what you have said, he seems a d*ck