Broken Heart for the Wrong Reasons

LegacyUser

Helloo

Last weekend i broke up with my girlfirend. We were only really going out since Nov I suppose but i met her over a year ago and we kinda were texting etc on and off since.

Up till last Sat night we were getting on really well. We went to Galway to met some of my friends. She came up and met my family too. It was going well until I fúcked it up!
To cut a long story short, there was a lot of drink involved. She disappeared while we were waiting to get food in. After about 10/15 minutes the other 2 came back outside with the food and there was still no sign of her. I got worried, her phone was off, I hadn't a clue where she was.
After a bit i looked upstairs again and then and there was no body upthere except her, and some guy chatting her up.
"oh great, i'm looking everywhere for her and she's upstairs chatting to some guy" i thought. I told that we were waiting outside for her and come on. The fella she was talking to kinda offered to shake my hand, and i shook it, hard and with contempt!
I walked off, and he called me back with that "i'll fight ya" pose and called me a prick or something. Normally I'd walk away but for some stupid reason i went back at him. No punches were thrown or anything but we did push and shove each other and my girlfirend ran off crying. I ran off after her.
She went back to Dublin the following day, leaving me in Galway. She said she needed to assess the situation.
On Monday she texted me and told me that she can't go out with someone who can snap at any given thing and get agressive with drink...

she has her reasons for being afraid of people like that. what has my heart broke is that i'm not that kind of person. I havn't got in any trouble like that since i was 19! I'm 27 now. She's 19.

I have been hurt before, with a girl 2 timing me . i am probably more sensitive to most my a girlfirend harmlessly flirts with another guy. I need to adress that but I've never talked to my girlfirend about that.

I don't know..what to do.
It's Friday now. We broke up on Monday.

WhiteWashMan

you dont know what to do about the girl, or about you get jealous easily and dont trust people, or about you getting aggressive?

sounds to me like she thinks one thing, you think another thing, and without talk, neither of you will understand what the other is thinking.

this could have hilarious consequesnces if it were a sitcom.
or eastenders.

pat... ive got something to tell you. im having an affa.....

not now pat, ive got to tell jimmy something.
jimmy, i gotta tell you something mate. ive just kil.......

sorry jimmy, not now, i have to tell den something.

and so it has gone on every episode for the last 15 years......
and is very popular.

KlodaX

my a girlfirend harmlessly flirts with another guy

so you do think she was flirting? you have lack of trust for her.... maybe she was hurt by that. You have been with her 6 months, has she done anything to earn this lack of trust?

What? is she not allowed to JUST talk to people? I know you where drunk but your true feelings came through.

If she was flirting it was justified.

Gordon

If you really want her back you've got to change your ways. It seems like you're a 'bad drunk'. Do you have a drinking problem? How often do you drink, and what kinds of altercations do you usually get into while drunk.

It sounds really petty what happened. I'd say you did act like a prick too, here's some guy chatting to a woman and the boyfriend arrives all angry. He offers his hand to shake and you act the dick.

Anyway it all sounds quite justified on her behalf but if you want some advice on how to get her back then you have to change. Yeah, this is where the ubiquitous average woman gets happy. From early on in a woman's life she has an inbuilt desire to fix the people around her into the boxes that she wants them in. Especially hardwired into her psyche is it that she wants her man to be the man that she dreams about, the stallion that she daydreams about and the devil that she nightmares. She wants a particular person and has all the qualities mapped out and wants to make you be that man. And she will change you to be that man. So now you have to change to be that man.

But that's cool as you probably want to change your 1yr girlfriend into accepting your brash personality, so you both want the same thing, you both want your partner to be different. Someone will have to change - you or her, as it doesn't seem like you guys will ever mutually come to terms with yourselves.

Good luck.

WhiteWashMan

actually, i dont agree with that.

people flirt all the time. i do it all the time. doesnt mean im going to go and have sex with someone. im just a very flirty personalilty.

so i should change my personality becuase my partner doesnt like me that way?
hell, i wouldnt be with someone 6 months before i realised that was going to be a problem...

Gordon

I doubt she was actually flirting. I was always lead to believe that flirting was an act that one does with a specific outcome in mind, the outcome being sexual in this case. Personally I don't see healthy sexual banter as flirting. But to be in a relationship with someone that has sexual banter with the opposite sex requires a great deal of trust.

I imagine the OP is quite posessive and has little trust for other people.

KlodaX

the stallion that she daydreams about and the devil that she nightmares

that made me smile, this early Saturday morning. ha ha ... I just read it again and it made me laugh. Thanks for that. Its funny in a cute way.

I have to agree with WWM though .... you have to change to stay in a relationship? It takes a year to realise this? do they teach you this in relationship councelling? :eek: that sucks... can't be right.

Victor

Violent Mike wrote:

what has my heart broke is that i'm not that kind of person.

Maybe you are that kind of person, it's just that it's taken a break-up for you to see it. If you can snap at someone talking to your girlfriend, what have you done to others.

And 19 years olds talk to each other all the time and often its not flirting. Its just one of those "I'm not old and cynical and can talk to people without it being about sex" things.