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untitled..

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  • 05-05-2005 8:10pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8


    Thanks to all for the feedback on my last poem. Another one, I just wrote today..

    Basically it's about someone that keep treating me really badly, ripped me to pieces as it were, and cast me away. But each time came back, and worked charm to get me to forgive and forget. I forgave each time, and pushed all the doubts to the back of my mind, because when we were together, there were fantastic times, and I figured they outweighed the bad. Finally realised I was being treated as a doormat...I let this person walk over me time and time again. But not anymore. So here it is, untitled. I'm awful with titles. Not too pleased with the poem either, it didnt turn out the way I wanted..All feedback is really appreciated. :)



    You still crawl back to me,
    Just like you always do.
    It's no surprise to me anymore,
    This is nothing new.

    You use me, then cast me aside,
    Abuse me, til nothing's left inside.

    And yet each time you come back,
    I welcome you, with open arms.
    You win me over once again
    With your convincing lies and wheedling charms.

    You use me, then cast me aside,
    Abuse me, til nothing's left inside.

    But I've had too much,
    I can't take the pain
    Of you ripping me to pieces
    Over, over and over again.

    You used me, then cast me aside,
    Abused me, til nothing was left inside.


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,880 ✭✭✭Raphael


    That's great. Would make good lyrics actually

    Keep up the good work unufa!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8 unufa


    Thanks...yeah, as soon as I had it finished, I was thinking it might work better that way. I've been messing with my guitar since school, and 'singing', trying to find the exact fit for it. no such luck, but I'll get it yet. I hope.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,880 ✭✭✭Raphael


    Good luck with it! Try to work out a vague kind of tune would be the best step. You could always convince a guitarist to put music to it for you!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8 unufa


    Ah I've got enough to play myself, I think, getting lessons now. Sorta thing I have to master myself, I'm odd like that.


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