How long were you with your bf/gf before moving in with them?

LegacyUser

Hi everyone. Well me and my girlfriend are together 4 months and very happy, and I recently asked her if she'd like to live with me, if not now, then sometime before the end of the year? She said no, that it's too soon. I'd really like to live with her, I've never lived with anyone before (well except my housemates) so I'm just wondering did I ask her too soon? How long were you with your gf/bf before you moved in together?

Beruthiel

don't put pressure on her, she'll move in when she's ready.
For me personally, 4 months would be waaaaay too soon to think about that,
I normally would wait for a year or more before making that decision, as by then you have a fair idea what you are letting yourself in for

Bard

Myself and my lady were together just under 5 months before we moved in together. We're together 9 1/2 months now and going strong.

The old proverb of 'if you want to know me, come live with me' is very true indeed.

galwaydude

i would say a year is about right.
Im moving in with mine in july, and that will be 18 months. Make sure your doing it for the right reasons.
Living with someone you have only just met will present itself with a whole new set of problems.

Zulu

2 years for me.

uberwolf

I'm 3 1/2 years and still counting! You'd strike me as too soon - but there are no hard fast rules. Our circumstances dictate that right now we are better off not living together. Maybe your circumstances are screaming out that you should. But I doubt - patience is rewarded, IMO, in relationships.

Gilgamesh

think it varies on the people.
I personally moved together with my Ex after 2 months (no it wasn't why we broke up, we survived over 4 years and broke up six months after I moved to Ireland)

aidan01

1 year, 2 months, 3 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours and 17 minutes is exactly how long you should wait before moving in with someone !! F A C T

pickarooney

Moved in together as a matter of convenience. I moved to her country and it seemed to make sense to live with her rather than go through the hassle of looking for an apartment. Semi-conscious decision I suppose.

tinkerbell

I reckon four months is way too early to move in with each other. I'm not surprised she said no, it would be considered far too soon for most people.

Don't put pressure on her, when the time is right, she'll move in with you.

nesf

10 months, although to be honest after about 6 we were spending 90% of our freetime together. Relationship lasted bout 2 years or thereabouts.

simu

It depends on the person - I wouldn't want to live with a guy 100% of the time unless I had a huge mansion where there would be no danger of claustrophobia!

Dreamcatcher

wanna_move_in! wrote:

Hi everyone. Well me and my girlfriend are together 4 months and very happy, and I recently asked her if she'd like to live with me, if not now, then sometime before the end of the year? She said no, that it's too soon. I'd really like to live with her, I've never lived with anyone before (well except my housemates) so I'm just wondering did I ask her too soon? How long were you with your gf/bf before you moved in together?

You don't mention what ages you both are and the current living arrangements of you both......?
It would also depend on how financially secure you both are etc. etc.
Anyways, after 4 months it's still WAY to early, in my opinion.
I know how strong that feeling is of wanting to be together, share your lives.
But is IS a HUGE step. It's a bit like getting married.
So, yes you did ask too soon. If I was you I wouldn't bring it up again for quite a while. Meantime just enjoy the current phase that your relationship is at. Enjoy meeting up for drinks, meals out together etc.
It is often the case that when people do move in together, they go out less together socially.

Victor

4 months sounds like a cross between "I want 24x7 access to your genitals" and "you will be one of many".

funk-you

ive been goin out with my g/f about the same length of time and she asked me recently to move in with her. i was shocked by the question but to be honest i would if it weren't for logistical reasons (i work miles from her place). if she's someone who's easy goin and that you genuinely enjoy hanging out together for long periods of time(and i mean hanging out together, ie just staying in doin nothin much except watching tv or reading etc...) and you dont have a problem with her quirks then why not. the worst that can happen is you break up and move out, in which case you probably weren't suited too well anyway. it is a big step but i'd rather regret somethin ive done than somethin i havn't. she's probably a bit shocked as was i after such a short time but dear god don't push it or the fight or flight syndrome'll kick in. and ask yourself: why do i want her to move in-no really, why do i want her to move in?
anyway, there's my two cents.
Sound
-P

the vivster

god that was very soon to ask her dont take it personally most girls would of said no after only 4 months i was going out with my boyfriend just over 2 years when me moved in together and still after that long we wanted different things while living together and it didnt work out ... ie he'd like to have parties all weekend where as i mite like to only go out one nite of the weekend ... u face all these issues and its better to no the person very well before facing into them so slow down it does'nt mean she does'nt like you or love you or watever ok

the vivster

AND victor your dead right if you ask a girl to move in with you after only 4 months thats what there going to think lmao !!

Victor

funk-you wrote:

logistical reasons

This would actually move me the other way. If it "makes sense" (financially, travelwise, complimentary household skills), then maybe broach the subject.

the vivster

yer going out 4 months are you actually going to trust one another financially so soon?

iguana

I moved in with my bf after 8 months together and we've been living together over 2 and a half now, and it's worked out well for the most part.

We were together about 3 months when he first suggested it, I was unsure initially (it included a move from Limerick to Dublin for me) and we decided to save for a few months before going ahead. As time went on I got all excited about it and he had doubts. We decided that we'd go ahead on a trial basis. And that it would be a good idea to share with a flatmate in order to make it seem more casual.

The main factor though was how sick we were of long distance. We had both moved back home around the time we started dating, so anytime we saw each other meant visits to each others parents and sneaking in and out of each others rooms. If we'd both lived in the same city the urgency to move in together might not have been there. Also if rent wasn't as expensive I might have gotten my own place for a while.

Instead it just made far more sense to live together in a nice, decent sized apartment, rather than having to each be in something horrible. Although our initial plan to have a flatmate to lessen the huge commitment feeling was a disaster. (I was picturing Friends, we got Pacific Heights - no cockroaches, but a weird obsession with the radiators).

I would consider 8 months to be fast but people move at their own speed. Don't pressure her but tell her that she should let you know when she is ready. Moving in together is a big deal and you may find yourself less sure of it if it were to actually happen.

Have you gone on holiday together? Maybe you could book a couple of weeks away during the summer and get a taste of living together. That may make her more eager, (or make you want to wait a bit longer).