red panic button

shiv

I hit the red panic button
on the bedroom wall soon after
we moved in to this
seaside property
with the stunning boat-dappled view
picturesque to everyone except me and you

Do you think I knew
even then it would take us far beyond
the safe, shallow waters we were used to?

Starting off with two television sets
(one escape unit each),
the novelty of safety nets
after a tough day at the office

It was a lot easier to maintain a grip
on us, this, then

Roll over into comfort
when it was needed
in the middle of the night
the fog horns quietly blaring
in the distance

Now I often wake unaccompanied
in this glowing octangular room
with no uncluttered corners
for fear to flee to

And you are breathing heavy through the wall
Not snoring, just breathing heavy
Sometimes I listen hard to see if I can hear you
while cursing the spare room
that makes convenience and late nights
plausible reasons for separateness

hada

I liked this poem quite a lot. Well done.

Nice imagery, great choice of words, but most of all, just brilliant.

golfgirl

I too enjoyed this poem. I like the title. The poem portrays the lonliness we can feel in relationships, and the setting by the sea, the sound of the foghorn, magnify this beautifully. The escapism of the tv and the spare room, although having never lived with someone myself, I can identify with how easy it is to gloss over issues by switching on the tv. The sense of panic is real, moving into deep waters, wanting to grab a hold of something, anything ..

Well done and thank you Shiv.

shiv

Thanks hada and golfgirl again for your kind words
Believe it or not this one was actually inspired by me hitting a red button in the bedroom of our then-new apartment, just for sheer perverted curiousity, not realizing (stupidly) that it was for an alarm!
I figured it made a good metaphor though

Skip

A really good one, I like it a lot.

the raven

rhyme between "view" and "you" is ridiculous and throws the reader off after a nice intro.

and again "knew"... ah, 'tis awful...

"octangular" is a terrible word to use in the midst of such soft imagery and a terrible word otherwise.

"uncluttered corners"; very nice.

"fo fear to flee to", terrible; sounds, again, as if you wrote the poem in one quick rush (which is perfectly fine) but didn't go back to it a while later to edit and improve.

"separateness", the sibilance is uncontrolled and not a good way to end a poem.

altogether it's alright and shows (patronising moment) a lot of potential.