Does it help....?

LadyJ

Hey all
I was just wondering if anyone has ever had such a hard time getting over someone that they've actually left the country?
I'm seriously considering doing this at the end of the year and I'm wondering does it help the situation or is the pain still waiting for you when you return?

ApeXaviour

Why would leaving the country help at all? Your emotions aren't affected by geographical distance...!

The best thing you can do is not see/contact said person at all (I did this when said person lived only down the road). The pain goes away gradually (very gradually).

LegacyUser

LadyJ wrote:

Hey all
I was just wondering if anyone has ever had such a hard time getting over someone that they've actually left the country?
I'm seriously considering doing this at the end of the year and I'm wondering does it help the situation or is the pain still waiting for you when you return?

A new scene can definately help, but it's not a miracle fix. You may be even more lonely initially, but once you settle in you'll probably find a lot less to remind you of who you left behind and everything will be fresh and exciting.

If you're considering moving solely because of trouble getting over someone though, then you're doing it for the wrong reasons and probably won't be happy abroad.

LadyJ

Said person does live down the road and so does his new girlf!
It's been almost a year and the pain isn't lifting....

jonnybadd

I doubt it would help, if anything i think it wouldn't help at all. When you come back from abroad he'll still be there, and so will all the feelings you thought you'd forgotten about. I think its better that you stick about and learn to live with them, rather than getting away temporarily then having them hit you like several brick walls when you return.

ApeXaviour

How often do you see him?

It sounds like you want to but haven't moved on.. Leaving the country might make you forget about it for a while. Where would you go? What would you do? How long for? It doesn't matter.. It'd just be symptom relief rather than cure.

Cure would be being happy in another relationship.. This may be what you should be pursuing rather than just a temporary escape.

Dreamcatcher

I wouldn't necessarily recommend leaving the country for the sole reason of getting over someone.
However, I would definitely suggest a change of area/environment. Moving into a new place is a fresh start - this is what you need to do if you're having a hard time moving on.

MartMax

meet new people.... anything, any relationship... new friends or new enemies. leave him/her behind with memories, again if memories are still there, they r just memories... u can cry or smile when the memories are back, but don't live on them...

LadyJ

ApeXaviour wrote:

How often do you see him?

It sounds like you want to but haven't moved on.. Leaving the country might make you forget about it for a while. Where would you go? What would you do? How long for? It doesn't matter.. It'd just be symptom relief rather than cure.

Cure would be being happy in another relationship.. This may be what you should be pursuing rather than just a temporary escape.

Tbh,I'm just too picky about men now. No one turns me on anymore and,if truth be told,no one ever did quite the way he still does!
I'm a mess. I never run into him cause I never leave my house when I know he'll be around. I never go to local pubs or anywhere I think he'll be. I know it sounds pathetic but I'd die if I saw him with another girl.
I've been with other guys since but I'm numb to them

Chinafoot

i went to australia for a year after a very messy break-up and it did me the world of good. i met new people and tried new things and had enormous independence. it really helped me to get over him.

i dont think its completely necessary to leave the country and it may not help for everyone. worked for me though so take from that what you will.

good luck

Bookable

LadyJ

I am currently "getting over" my ex gf who also lives very close to me.
Its hard but life goes on.
I thought she was the one and even though it was my fault that it is over, I am the one that is brunting all the pain.

Life is about small things, we make them big things.

I bet in 10 years you will be happily married and will remember your ex when u see him across the street and maybe have a little smile to yourself about the good time you had together!

But my point is there are billions of people in the world. every1 that we spend a little party of our lives with is a blessing but there are hundreds of others there to replace lost friends or lovers.

Open your mind .... and SMILE

p.s. god thats deep stuff!

TOPDAWG

i reckon it'll do the ya the world of good. i was with my ex for 3 years, we broke up cos i just wanted a change (harsh but it happens) it wasnt a clean break up and she'd always ring to meet up n'sh*t, this went on for over a year but she went off for a summer about 2 years ago and iv only seen her about twice since when out and about and that it was just pure casual. do it,it'll show ya there's more to things than just one person!!

Phil_321

There's only one thing you can do LadyJ, tell him you're up for a threesome.

LadyJ

Phil_321 wrote:

There's only one thing you can do LadyJ, tell him you're up for a threesome.

Once again that one would lead to me being dumped for the innocent virgin afterwards! :rolleyes:

ApeXaviour

LadyJ wrote:

Tbh,I'm just too picky about men now. No one turns me on anymore and,if truth be told,no one ever did quite the way he still does!

As I said you want to be over him but you're not at all.. This is the reason nobody else "turns you on", you're not letting them! This is the issue you need to deal with. You're keeping yourself held back.

A year ago had my ex wanted to get back with me (broken up 2 years) I would have taken her back at the drop of a hat, even though I considered myself over her. This is one thing I hated myself for.

PullMyFinger!

Bookable wrote:

LadyJ

I am currently "getting over" my ex gf who also lives very close to me.
Its hard but life goes on.
I thought she was the one and even though it was my fault that it is over, I am the one that is brunting all the pain.

Life is about small things, we make them big things.

I bet in 10 years you will be happily married and will remember your ex when u see him across the street and maybe have a little smile to yourself about the good time you had together!

But my point is there are billions of people in the world. every1 that we spend a little party of our lives with is a blessing but there are hundreds of others there to replace lost friends or lovers.

Open your mind .... and SMILE

p.s. god thats deep stuff!

Thats a damn good post.

Lady J, other then what I said in PM I think you should do it during the summer, after exams etc

LadyJ

Yeah think I might alright!
Gotta get me some foreign ass! teehee
Seriously though,thanks one and all. I shall take your wisdom on board:)

Cianan2

Theres a possibility that you'll probably meet someone while living abroad, anyway.....the perfect cure for your problem,no?

LadyJ

Cianan2 wrote:

Theres a possibility that you'll probably meet someone while living abroad, anyway.....the perfect cure for your problem,no?

Yeah,I think I could do with a nice,rich Dutch man! Location,location,location!

AlienGav

I hate to sound like bit of a prat here, and i apologise.

You must face the fact that your boyfriend has a new girlfriend, and there's nothing you can do to change that.

I know it's probably really difficult for you, with them living so close, but is it really worth loosing all your other close friends and family, just because you can't bare to see him with someone else?

You'll get nowhere in life, if all you ever do is run away from the problems.

Muineach

I had a friend in college that all she used to do was "run away", any time they had a bit of an argument she'd feck off for a month or two, then come back expecting things to be better.
I met her there a while ago and shes still doing the same thing, anytime anything gets to her she packs and goes, which gets rid of the problem temporarily but for her anyway makes a mess of things in the long run

then again what do i know

Cianan2

AlienGav wrote:

I hate to sound like bit of a prat here, and i apologise.

You must face the fact that your boyfriend has a new girlfriend, and there's nothing you can do to change that.

I know it's probably really difficult for you, with them living so close, but is it really worth loosing all your other close friends and family, just because you can't bare to see him with someone else?

You'll get nowhere in life, if all you ever do is run away from the problems.

You cant really call it running away, if its been "nearly a year" though, can ya? Im sure she just might think it'd be easier to find something new abroad, because it'll be away from yer man.....
LadyJ,is it really that hard, after so long?

Beruthiel

Phil_321 wrote:

There's only one thing you can do LadyJ, tell him you're up for a threesome.

another comment like that one and you are banned
B

joejoem

LadyJ wrote:

Tbh,I'm just too picky about men now. No one turns me on anymore and,if truth be told,no one ever did quite the way he still does!
I'm a mess. I never run into him cause I never leave my house when I know he'll be around. I never go to local pubs or anywhere I think he'll be. I know it sounds pathetic but I'd die if I saw him with another girl.
I've been with other guys since but I'm numb to them

Well something like that happend to me and I moved away for two years, it stopped me thinking of her but I couldnt really get close to anyone in that way. You can run away from the problem but not the person, and in the long run you are better off to confront the problem otherwise it just builds up. Im getting used to the idea of letting people in now but Im still veery recluse. Its not something Im doing on purpose, I would love to let someone in again but there is a wall built there that I cant get through.

Basiclly you are better to deal with it and then move on not visa versa.
Good luck Lady

joejoem

LadyJ wrote:

Yeah,I think I could do with a nice,rich Dutch man! Location,location,location!

ha ha ha, to follow up my post, I am seeing a dutch girl at the moment. What a coinkydink.

LadyJ

joejoem wrote:

Well something like that happend to me and I moved away for two years, it stopped me thinking of her but I couldnt really get close to anyone in that way. You can run away from the problem but not the person, and in the long run you are better off to confront the problem otherwise it just builds up. Im getting used to the idea of letting people in now but Im still veery recluse. Its not something Im doing on purpose, I would love to let someone in again but there is a wall built there that I cant get through.

Basiclly you are better to deal with it and then move on not visa versa.
Good luck Lady

That's an all too familiar wall tbh!
I actually almost don't want to fall in love again for fear of it all going wrong. :rolleyes:
I know I need to take the risk etc but I've NEVER not had someone before and although being alone scares the **** outta me,I can't help the fear of rejection I have now.

Hotblack Desiato

LadyJ wrote:

I actually almost don't want to fall in love again for fear of it all going wrong. :rolleyes:

Trust me. Everyone's BTDT.

I know I need to take the risk etc but I've NEVER not had someone before and although being alone scares the **** outta me,I can't help the fear of rejection I have now.

Sounds like your self esteem could do with a wee boost (but whose wouldn't?)
By all means go away, if that's what you want to do, but do it for the right reasons.
Not to get away from someone but to get to something.
Going away will force you to be a lot more self-reliant and resourceful, hopefully you will find out a lot about yourself and see yourself as you are and not a reflection of how others see you.
But if you do stay, don't let what your ex might be up to dictate what you do. If you do bump into him, tell him to go **** himself, you'll feel a lot better afterwards
The important thing is to be your own person and not define yourself in terms of what others think. Took me way too long to figure that out

joejoem

LadyJ wrote:

That's an all too familiar wall tbh!
I actually almost don't want to fall in love again for fear of it all going wrong. :rolleyes:
I know I need to take the risk etc but I've NEVER not had someone before and although being alone scares the **** outta me,I can't help the fear of rejection I have now.

Yeah I felt like that, and I reckon I still am like that subconciously (however its spelt) but I'm working on opening up. I think any pain we encounter will make us (eventually) appreciate the real thing more. It happens to most people at least once in there life time. As imposible as it sounds the only thing there is to do is move on. But dont look for love, when the time is right you should slide right into it, and as far as avoiding it so you dont get hurt? Thats like not playing in the world cup final, in case you loose.... There is allways a chance, we just have to know what happens happens and trust that our loved ones wont hurt us on purpose.

solas

ladyJ wrote:

I was just wondering if anyone has ever had such a hard time getting over someone that they've actually left the country?
I'm seriously considering doing this at the end of the year and I'm wondering does it help the situation or is the pain still waiting for you when you return?

I did this.
I was going out with a guy for about three years and as he originally lived in the states he would continually threaten abut going back there when things weren't working out. I was getting tired of the threats and he also made me feel that I was the only reason why he was sticking around when the truth of the matter was that the only reason he wouldn't leave was because of our daughter.
It was a serious case of emotional blackmail and as a family unit we didn't have much of a quality of life, so after an argument (he used to split for a week or so until the air was clear) I packed our bags, left my job, gave up my apartment and bought a one way ticket to spain.
I didn't even say goodbye, not least because he had no idea where I had gone.
It was a great relief to be free from the situation and I knew if he was serious about his threats he would take the oppertunity to go back to the states. After three months out in spain I got the message that he had left the country.
Eight years on and he is still there, re-married and quite content and our relationship even though 5000 miles apart is better than it ever would have been if he were living in this country.
I came back with a great tan , much healthier physically and emotionally and with a new (liberated) outlook on life. I got a new job (better than any I had previously), my money wasn't being wasted on rented accomodation and him ( I was the main source of income and provided for him) and as I was happier and more emotionally stable, I was able to focus on raising my child, rather than trying to keep a relationship together.
Best thing I ever did.

LadyJ

solas wrote:

I did this.
I was going out with a guy for about three years and as he originally lived in the states he would continually threaten abut going back there when things weren't working out. I was getting tired of the threats and he also made me feel that I was the only reason why he was sticking around when the truth of the matter was that the only reason he wouldn't leave was because of our daughter.
It was a serious case of emotional blackmail and as a family unit we didn't have much of a quality of life, so after an argument (he used to split for a week or so until the air was clear) I packed our bags, left my job, gave up my apartment and bought a one way ticket to spain.
I didn't even say goodbye, not least because he had no idea where I had gone.
It was a great relief to be free from the situation and I knew if he was serious about his threats he would take the oppertunity to go back to the states. After three months out in spain I got the message that he had left the country.
Eight years on and he is still there, re-married and quite content and our relationship even though 5000 miles apart is better than it ever would have been if he were living in this country.
I came back with a great tan , much healthier physically and emotionally and with a new (liberated) outlook on life. I got a new job (better than any I had previously), my money wasn't being wasted on rented accomodation and him ( I was the main source of income and provided for him) and as I was happier and more emotionally stable, I was able to focus on raising my child, rather than trying to keep a relationship together.
Best thing I ever did.

Good for you! I know this sounds a little odd as I don't know you but I'm happy for you!
I'd absolutely love to be so independent and free. I'm still torn about what to do but that's a very promising story!
thanks

REDZ

hey lady
you should move somewhere new anyway, even if your still going away at the end of the year. you will feel better sooner!
i noticed you said dutch man, u by anychance heading to amsterdam?
if so cool place, but not the kinda place to really help you heal emotionally. too many chemical cures for true healing, and its not sunny enough!
good luck
redz