She lied about her age...

LegacyUser

Ok I've been seeing a girl for about 4 months now. Last night she told me she was 31, and not 27 as she had led me to believe. I'm 24. I really like this girl but it feels weird now. I mean 31 seems kind of old to me, I don't know why, I mean it's only 7 years really. But she's older than my older brother, and her little brother is older than me etc. etc. She said that she was afraid to tell me her real age in case I wouldn't see her again. Of course now I might even be in love with her so I don't know how to feel about it. Is this an acceptable age gap for us? I don't want this to turn into an arguement about men with younger women or women with younger men etc. I think it works both ways. Women: Would you go out with someone 7 years younger? Actually you probably would if he was as gorgeous and charming as me... . Anyway, hope to hear from y'all...

Gordon

She is older than your brother? Gosh, that's worrying.

You might even be in love with her right? But would you be in love with her if she was 9 years older than you?

Why does it feel weird by the way? Can you explain that.

c - 13

I dont think the problem should be the age gap but rather why did she lie to you in the first place ?

Beruthiel

dearohdear wrote:

Women: Would you go out with someone 7 years younger?

yes
and for the last 5.5 years I've been going out with someone 8 years younger.
lets be honest, you were happy with her before, now because of a number, you're feelin' weird?
go with your heart and quit wondering what others might think, that's no way to run your life.

/one thing though
if she want's kids that might be a different story....

cinders

dearohdear wrote:

Ok I've been seeing a girl for about 4 months now. Last night she told me she was 31, and not 27 as she had led me to believe. I'm 24. I really like this girl but it feels weird now. I mean 31 seems kind of old to me, I don't know why, I mean it's only 7 years really. But she's older than my older brother, and her little brother is older than me etc. etc. She said that she was afraid to tell me her real age in case I wouldn't see her again. Of course now I might even be in love with her so I don't know how to feel about it. Is this an acceptable age gap for us? I don't want this to turn into an arguement about men with younger women or women with younger men etc. I think it works both ways. Women: Would you go out with someone 7 years younger? Actually you probably would if he was as gorgeous and charming as me... . Anyway, hope to hear from y'all...

so you think your inlove with her and yet u want to walk away due to an age gap, - you see no wonder why she didnt want to tell you. Dont be silly about an age difference

misswex

If you love the girl the age gap shouldn't come into it. My friend is going out with a guy 11 years her junior and they have just bought a house together and are perfectly happy. I think you should enjoy what you have together and see where it takes you.

LegacyUser

hey I never said I was going to walk away. I do feel the same it's just so weird because when I was growing up I was always the youngest of all my friends etc. I was always the baby. I don't think I've ever been with a girl that was younger than me, I don't know why...
But you're right, it's only a number. And no she doesn't seem to like kids either so hopefully she'll not mention that one to me!

Victor

I wouldn't worry about the age, I would worry about lying - low self esteem or deception.

Shabadu

Yeah- it is the fact that she lied that sprung out at me rather than the age difference. If she's 31 and still so insecure that she lies about her age to her boyfriend there could be problems looming.

delly

As regards the age thing, i wouldn't worry at all. Its not the biggest age gap that i have seen that has managed to work out in a loving relationship.

In relation to her lying in the first place, i would give her the benefit of the doubt. I can understand her saying it in the first place, espcially when your relationship was only starting. The main thing i believe is that she has come good with the truth in the end, and has risked loosing or annoying you at the same time.

If it went on for a year or so, then i could see a reason for being pissed.

DublinWriter

dearohdear wrote:

Women: Would you go out with someone 7 years younger? Actually you probably would if he was as gorgeous and charming as me...

In terms of relationship issues, your problem is just barely above the 'he leaves the toilet seat up all the time' category.

Sure she lied, but 30 is a sensitive age for women, especially single women in this country, like it or not.

If you say that you've fallen out of love with her because of this then I suspect that you were never really in love in the first place.

Dub_Ster

if your happy man there shouldnt be a problem like age after all is only a number just forget about and carry on haveing fun ...

i_should_go_go

If you're contemplating breaking up with her just because she's older than expected, you should do it!

You're far too immature to be with her in the 1st place!

Tails

I wouldnt worry about her lying to you about her age, everybody lies about stuff when they first start going out, its a good sign when they start admitting this stuff IMO.

MrNuked

this thread is disappointingly normal. I was imagining some accidental statutory rape uincident from the title. The age isn;t a big deal you feel weird cos you feel weird when you foind out you are being lied to by your gf. It's a silly little lie though, not wotrth getting your kinickers in a twist about.
It indicates insecurity on her part really which is deadly from you point of view . Just make sure you don;t let your feelings take over and make you try to support and nurture her which just leads you to being seen as weak and dumped. Subtlly reinforce her fear of being dumped by telling her that you feel very strange now. that your relationship is based on lies. Tell her that she has to pretend indefinitely to be 27 (or 28 29 etc) around everyone you meet, because you mtold your friends and family that's how old she is and that they'll think she;s weird if you tell them she's lying.

o Fiac

This post has been deleted.

Peace

Is she still the same person?

Padraig Mor

Who cares what age she is?

seamus

I think you get the gist of what people are saying now. How does her being 4 years older than you thought, change anything?
You're not 13 anymore. The ages of brothers and sisters and eachother are irrelevant. Why shouldn't you make a go of it, at the very least?

I think most people tell some sorts of little white lies at the beginning of their relationship, either to save their embarassment, or to not freak the other one out. When I was asked (at 17) when the last time I went out with someone was, I told her it was 6 months beforehand, when in fact I hadn't gone out with anyone before, ever. 5 years later, I'm still with that girl, so it can't have been a major bombshell for her to find out she was my first girlfriend.

At 31, this girl isn't going to piss around. Either the relationship is going somewhere or it's not. She's telling you the truth because she wants to take it further.

ionapaul

Way to freak out a 24 year old man: tell him that his 31 year old girlfriend is now serious, *deadly* serious about her age, as she has decided she isn't going to piss around and it's time to 'take it further' (i.e. settle down).

Ah, I'm half joking...

Nuttzz

a friend of mine is has been going out with a lady who is 15 years older than him for the past 7 years, they dont seem to have any problems (he's 35 she's 50 now)

Canis Lupus

I'd have a problem with the age gap. I'm 24 as well and I couldn't see myself having the same "wants" as a 31 yr old. Now I don't know what she is like so maybe this isn't a factor but if it was me I could see an age gap of 24 to 31 as being a serious factor in the relationship particularly if it was something she lied about at the start.

But then it's only a problem if you make it one.

Beruthiel

Canis Lupus wrote:

I'd have a problem with the age gap. I'm 24 as well and I couldn't see myself having the same "wants" as a 31 yr old..

every person is totally different,
you are only guessing that a 30 something expects certain things, and some of them will, but others will not
some may have the exact same things in common with you, hence never write someone off because of their age but rather where their head is at

Canis Lupus

True but like I said It's really only an issue if they make it one. Sure I'd do Monica Belluchi if she came up to me in a night club (I wait patiently) and she is getting on as well

Shabadu

I'm sure she cries with joy at the thought that fine specimens of yout such as yerself would consent to do her.

Canis Lupus

Shabadu wrote:

I'm sure she cries with joy at the thought that fine specimens of yout such as yerself would consent to do her.

Purely as an act of charity cos that's the sort of person I am

gandalf

DublinWriter wrote:

Sure she lied, but 30 is a sensitive age for women, especially single women in this country, like it or not.

What he said. Not the first or last time a woman has lied about her age. If you like/love her it shouldn't matter at all. It might be an idea to tell her that too especially if you reacted negatively when she finally sprung this on you.

kadman

dearohdear wrote:

Ok I've been seeing a girl for about 4 months now. Last night she told me she was 31, and not 27


All women lie about their age at sometime in their life, guaranteed. Its no big deal, she told you the truth now. Age is only a number.

kadman

Capt'n Midnight

Well the gap won't seem as big as ye get older

From 16 to 25 many girls like to pretend they are 21 - four years isn't strange.

as Beruthiel said it shouldn't be an issue unless you have different plans for kiddies and even then the biological clock won't be ticking for a few years yet.

Victor

seamus wrote:

When I was asked (at 17) when the last time I went out with someone was, I told her it was 6 months beforehand

I think the "exaggerations" of a 17 year old are forgiven a lot more quickly than those of a 31 year old.

newgrange

she doesn't seem to like kids either so hopefully she'll not mention that one to me

Don't presume anything.
If you have made it clear you don't like kids and she has said nothing, it does not mean she doesn't want them.

secret_squirrel

newgrange wrote:

she doesn't seem to like kids either so hopefully she'll not mention that one to me

Don't presume anything.
If you have made it clear you don't like kids and she has said nothing, it does not mean she doesn't want them.

Exactly you need to bear in mind that if she does want kids in the future it will be sooner rather than later...her clock is ticking....