To tell or not to tell...

Larianne

Okay, I know there have been similar threads to this topic but mine is slightly different..

The seemingly age old question of telling your friend that you like them...

I've been mates with this guy for nearly three years. We get on really well and have the craic whenever we meet up. But it's just been the last few times we've meet that I've realised I've fallen for this guy big time.

I'm just afraid of telling the guy how I feel. One- cause he might not feel the same and our friendship could be ruined.. start to get weird etc. Two- coz if we do get together it may not work out and I so don't wanna hurt this guy. He's been hurt in the past.. And three- I may be going away to work in the US for two years and don't know if I could handle not being with him/cope with a long distance relationship.

My head is wrecked over this guy! And i don't think he would have a clue how I feel. Arrgghh I've known him so long it would just be weird telling him this. I know its worked out for other people but this guy is a great mate and I don't wanna ruin the friendship. Any idea how I could approach the subject..???

Thanks!!

Canis Lupus

Altho I could say go read the other thread here is simple advice for a girl.

If your reasonably good looking (or better) then the likelyhood of the guy agreeing to go out with you is at least 80% So if you fit this category then go ask him.

Larianne

Yeah he's told me before that I'm attractive and all that. But its easier said than done to tell him!! He has a low opinion of himself due to past failed relationships etc and I don't know if he'll believe me or not...

Rhyme

Wow, reverse deja-vu for me. Id say go for it, you seem to like him a lot and he's mentioned your attractiveness to your face at least once. Talk to him one-to-one and see if you can, pardon the phrase, eek out his feelings... im sure he feels similar towards you.

Larianne

I think its the fear of being rejected and how our friendship will turn out after is a big factor. If it was any auld bloke i probably would go for it. But its the fact he's such a nice guy, who i get on with so well, has me laughing in stitches everyday.

Meeting him tomorrow so...

kasintahan

You don't have to ask him straight out.

Ask him to accompany you to the cinema, walk on the prom (nice weather these days), whatever - just the two of you. You can build up to it that way (and still leave room to backdown if things don't look like working out).

ApeXaviour

Reason three is not applicable.. Do you plan to get in ANY relationship in the next two years!? Never mind it..

Telling him outright can be awkward and tbh a bit sad/naive.. You've got to play a game. Flirt more with him etc. make eye contact a bit too long til one of you blushes, be more touchy feely. When talking with him use the word "we" more often, like you would if ye were going out.. As in "we should do that sometime". Build him up.. make him like/want you. Women can do this so much easier than men.

Make it obvious you like him then after a while but DON'T just tell him.. Abruptness is most definitely unnattractive IMO.. What age are you both by the way?

Larianne

I'm 21 and he's 24. Well yeah i asked him out to the cinema tomorrow but that was more coz he was feeling down, but also so I could see him. I've told him quite recently that I thought he was a great guy and i don't know what I would do without him etc (stuff I would never normally say to anyone!!) but I think it would be the last thing he would think, that I like him! But hey we shall see tomorrow!

ApeXaviour

Larianne wrote:

I've told him quite recently that I thought he was a great guy and i don't know what I would do without him etc (stuff I would never normally say to anyone!!)

I've had that said to me before, purely platonically. So yeah you're right, it probably is the last thing he's thinking.

Right so yous aren't kids. Then definitely do not just come out and say it. American movies are stupid in this regard. When you meet him tomorrow, try what I said above: a brush of the hand, standing a bit closer than normal and the rest. Don't be impatient.. slow.. let him get used to the idea that you may like him over a few days/weeks, then move in for the kill.

tinkerbell

Or ya could both get really drunk, kiss, and see what his reaction is the next day

Heh, no but seriously! Like everyone else said, spend more time with him, hang out alone together more, everything that everyone else has suggested.

Ya never know, he may indeed be harbouring the exact same feelings for you, only he's also too shy to say it

Best of luck, hope it works out for ya!

Larianne

Yeah I don't wanna scare the ppor guy away. Its just so much harder if you really like a certain person than if its some random dude you meet when you're out. More at stake to loose. American movies are a disgrace! Nothing in life happens the way it does portrayed in them. maybe that's why so many americans are fecked up!! Anyway, thanks for all your advice. And I shall see what happens, if anything, tomorrow night. :eek:

Larianne

almost came close to telling him over the phone on saturday night when drunk... But didn't thank god. But it might have to come to that...

Bottle_of_Smoke

Most of my close friends are girls. If any of them told me they had feelings for me I'd never stop being friends with them. People worry about this far too much.

I think it's harder to tell if a guy fancies a girl than the other way round because girls are usually less worried about people knowing, so there's prob not many signs to pick up on. If it was me I'd tell him(well HER hehe.)

If he's got a low opinion of himself and does like you he probably thinks you only see him as a friend. Really think you should be honest with him, if it fails - well being in America will probably make it a lot easier.

Larianne

The people are more fecked up in America. Being there helped me realise my feelings for this guy, that I'm not gonna meet anyone like him. (jesus, sorry for the soppyness...I'm never like this! arrgghh)

Bottle_of_Smoke

Larianne wrote:

The people are more fecked up in America. Being there helped me realise my feelings for this guy, that I'm not gonna meet anyone like him. (jesus, sorry for the soppyness...I'm never like this! arrgghh)

I just meant it'l be easier to block him out\get over him as you're not gonna run into him in the local every week!

If you like him that much you couldn't be any less miserable by telling him

Larianne

I don't see him regularly coz he lives in the country and is only up in Dublin during the week normally, but we text everyday. Yeah I know what you mean,BOS, but i don't wanna ruin the friendship either! From what I know with other people in the same situation. Afterwards if the feeling isn't mutual, the friendship goes all weird and is finished. I don't want that. Suppose its just a case do I want it to wreck my head forever, or risk it all to be happy??

tinkerbell

Honestly, if your friendship is as strong as you say it is - then it won't ruin your friendship if he doesn't feel the same way

Sleepy

Just kiss him. From the way you describe things, he'll jump out of his skin.

In delight

[InsertHandle]

Sleepy wrote:

Just kiss him. From the way you describe things, he'll jump out of his skin.

In delight

sleepy's right, just go for it

don't even think about the rejection thing ... unfortunately that's something blokes have to worry about

Santa Claus

Larianne wrote:

I don't see him regularly coz he lives in the country and is only up in Dublin during the week normally, but we text everyday. Yeah I know what you mean,BOS, but i don't wanna ruin the friendship either! From what I know with other people in the same situation. Afterwards if the feeling isn't mutual, the friendship goes all weird and is finished. I don't want that. Suppose its just a case do I want it to wreck my head forever, or risk it all to be happy??

Why not organise something for some weekend and invite him to stay over with you ?

Beruthiel

Larianne wrote:

And three- I may be going away to work in the US for two years and don't know if I could handle not being with him/cope with a long distance relationship.

if you are defo going to the US, then why would you bother starting something?

Dinxminx

Three words:
Go for it.

WhiteWashMan

god, get drunk, start inane conversation, say embarrassing thing, cover up with coy laughs, mention you are were onyl joking, mentionthat really you werent joking, say youre drunk, lunge forward awkwardly for kiss, stop, apologise and mix up all your signals, and say you are being silly, burst into tears, and say you love him but that he probably wouldnt want you becasue youre ugly and horrible, and then ask him to sleep with you.

he'll probably be so completely bewildered, that he'll say yes.

it always worked for me in university.

LegacyUser

Look girl, you only have one life, go for it. You never know, he may be in the exact same thought as you are.

Dont be worried about ruining the relationship. You have fallen in love and there is nothing you can do about that now but go with your feelings. If hes single than there should be no problem.

Dont get drunk or any of that crap, just be honest. Im sure he wont make it hard on you, hes obviously a nice lad if you have fallen for him so much.

Peace and Love Sister

Larianne

well met up a dn went to cinema but just couldnt say anything to the guy!! When is the right time to blurt out that you've fallen for your mate after 3 years like?! It's looking more and more like a drunken phone call or text! Things is I dont know if he'd believe at this stage! He's still feeling pretty low about a break up 2 months ago and might think I'm just saying this to make him feel better about himself. Arrgghhh.. It's gonna have to be said by next week coz I'm gonna explode if I don't!! :eek:

crang

WhiteWashMan wrote:

god, get drunk, start inane conversation, say embarrassing thing, cover up with coy laughs, mention you are were onyl joking, mentionthat really you werent joking, say youre drunk, lunge forward awkwardly for kiss, stop, apologise and mix up all your signals, and say you are being silly, burst into tears, and say you love him but that he probably wouldnt want you becasue youre ugly and horrible, and then ask him to sleep with you.

he'll probably be so completely bewildered, that he'll say yes.

it always worked for me in university.

This is definetly the best idea. How can you fail