Showering guidelines

shellspeare · 27-04-2005 11:56am #1

How to shower like a woman

Take off all your clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry basket, according to whites and coloureds. Walk to the bathroom wearing a long dressing gown. If you see hubby on the way cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make a mental note to do more

sit ups. Get in shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth and long loofah and, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for ten minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body rub. Shave armpits and legs, turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with shower shine. Get out of shower and dry with a towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in a super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom in long dressing gown with towel on head, if you see hubby along the way cover any exposed areas.

How to Shower like a man.

Take off all clothes while sitting on edge off bed, leave in pile at feet.

Walk naked to the bathroom if you see wife along the way shake your knob at her making a whoo hoo noise. Look at your manly physique in the mirror, admire the size of your knob and scratch your arse.

Get in the shower and wash your face, wash your armpits. Blow your nose into your hands and let the water rinse it off. Fart, and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend the majority of your time washing your privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt leaving those coarse hairs stuck to the soap. Shampoo hair and make a shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off and fail to notice the water on the floor. Admire knob size in mirror again, leave shower door open, leave wet mark on floor and leave light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist, if you pass your wife, drop towel shake your knob at her and make a whoo hoo noise again.

Throw wet towel on bed.