Best Man

bookiebasher

I have just been asked to be best man at my friends wedding so im looking for good idea's for a funny speech at the wedding but it has to be clean.

namaimo

Check out a few of these sites they'll give you some ideas:

www.thebestmanspeech.com

http://www.hitched.co.uk/speeches/examples/index.asp

http://www.usabride.com/wedplan/a_bestman_speech.html

Hope these help!

GeorgeBailey

Best advice I ever got was KEEP IT SHORT.

spunkymunky

Do the usual, introduce all the other speeches, priest, father of the bride and the groome. Then with your own thank and awknowledge everybody. Well not everybody individually but point out the tables, family friends, work, etc. People love being noticed.
I did a speech for the auld lad (remarried) and while it wasnt the funniest thing ever people still enjoyed it. Keep it simple with a few jokes about how you met him, her, first opinions (no need to be brutely honest), a funny story involving the two but keep it clean And as george said keep it short.
I went to the pub, had a few pints and wrote a good load it.

grimsbymatt

I was best man at my brother's wedding. My opening gambit was to say 'That's the second time today I've stood up from a warmed seat with a sheet of paper in my hand'. It's a brilliant opener: it had the whole room laughing for about half a minute and it's not too smutty. I nicked it from my mate's dad, who used it at his daughter's wedding, and afterwards two other people said they were going to use it when they were to be best men later that year.

Wear this

Guru Maith Agut

bookiebasher wrote:

I have just been asked to be best man at my friends wedding so im looking for good idea's for a funny speech at the wedding but it has to be clean.

Ah now bookiebasher. Get your priorities right first!
Fu(k the wedding!! When's the STAG?? LOL

BaZmO*

grimsbymatt wrote:

I was best man at my brother's wedding. My opening gambit was to say 'That's the second time today I've stood up from a warmed seat with a sheet of paper in my hand'. It's a brilliant opener: it had the whole room laughing for about half a minute and it's not too smutty

In all fairness, that's one of the oldest lines there is. There aren't many people that wouldn't have heard it before. However, it does illustrate that when doing your Best Man speech the crowd really do want to be entertained and as long as you don't completely bomb or offend anybody it'll be the easiest crowd you'll ever perform in front of. I know that's a cliché but it is true.

I was Best Man for my mate last year and the best bit of advice I can give you is to be prepared. By that I mean get yourself one of those Best Man books that lists out who says what and when. You find a lot of the book is common sense, but the most important thing is to know who is supposed to say what and when.

I was a Groomsman for a friend a good few years back and the Father of the Bride wasn’t too fond of the Groom-to-be, so he therefore decided to be an absolute ass and basically do all the bread and butter parts of the Best Man speech. I had been kinda coaching the Best Man (who is a close friend) on what to say as he’s quite a shy person and I told him that he didn’t need to be cracking jokes left right and centre as it wasn’t really his thing. All he had to do was to say all the usual things like introduce each speaker, thank everybody for coming, thank the staff, etc., etc.
But after the Father of the Bride was finished there wasn’t much left to say.

So when I was given the nod to be Best Man I made sure that everybody knew what they were to say to make sure we all didn’t get up and just repeat what the last person said.

I also set up a word document on my computer and whenever I thought of a funny story involving my mate or heard a good joke that I could use I’d write it down so that I could use it or at have it there when it came to actually write the speech. You’d be amazed at how easy it is to forget some fairly obvious things when getting down to writing it.

I also went to

http://www.hitched.co.uk/KeyPeeps/BestMan/toolkit.asp and wrote down all the good jokes that I’d feel comfortable using.

The most important thing to remember though is to be prepared. It doesn’t matter how confident you are or how good of a public speaker you think you are, you will get a bout of nerves when you get up to do you speech and if you don’t have it written down you’ll just bomb if you get too nervous.

I’ll give you the opening line and the finishing line that I used, both of which got great laughs.

Opening line.
"I feel a bit like a mosquito in a nudist colony………I don’t know where to begin."

Finishing line.
"Now just before I finish I believe it is customary to give a few words of wisdom. Not being married myself though, I sought the advice of happily married couples - alas I found none! But I can give you a nugget a wisdom from my father: -

Women are like TG4 – You can see it, You can hear it, but you can’t understand it!!"

Sorry for the stupidly long post but I know how nerve racking being a Best Man can be.

B.

Static M.e.

Also dont drink before you say the speech, and if you do have a SINGLE whiskey or something. If you drink any sort of fizzy drink and couple it with your nerves your more likely to get the hiccups.

Some other pointers make a duplicate copy of your speech, its the groomsmen's job to nick your one ! I had a 2nd tucked into my sock incase.

Also practice practice practice, and practice out loud so you can hear what you sound like.

hmmm you kinda have to slow your talking down a bit and pause a lot, give people time to laugh at the jokes, also talk loud enough so the people in the back can hear you otherwise they will spend the entire speech saying to their friends "what did he say their ?" which will throw you off.

Their is also the thing about where to look, the trick is yo pick 3 spots on the back walls and just look at one then the other etc , doing this gives the illusion that you are looking at everyone, and people are inclinced to focus more when you look towards them.

my speech was 3 pages long, it took an internity to go through standing their but it was only about 3 or 4 minutes tops. which I think is a good length for a speech.

remember you have thank the bridesmades and also you announce that you will be announceing when they cut the cake aswell.

Thats all I can think of for the moment, Good luck with it, its great fun once you get past the speech !

Doom

Are you supposed to mention the Bride in the best man speech? If so what kind of things should you say? Thanks

0ph0rce0

Doom wrote: »

Are you supposed to mention the Bride in the best man speech? If so what kind of things should you say? Thanks

Something like

"Well if she hadn't met john way back when she'd still just be joanne the oul slut"

LizT

Doom wrote: »

Are you supposed to mention the Bride in the best man speech? If so what kind of things should you say? Thanks

Try the Wedding forum for serious answers.

Everyone else, go nuts.

dmc17

They'll be celebrating their 10 year anniversary soon enough

The Backwards Man

LizT wrote: »

Try the Wedding forum for serious answers.

Everyone else, go nuts.

What if we already are nuts?

MadsL

Stand up
Say Congratulations to the Bride and Groom and Cheers to the bridesmaids.
Sit down...


Collect on the sweepstake you had your girlfriend stake on sub 20 seconds.

Result.

LizT

The Backwards Man wrote: »

What if we already are nuts?

Cover yourself in Strawberry Jam.

The Backwards Man

dmc17 wrote: »

They'll be celebrating their 10 year anniversary soon enough

In 2005 I had a hairy head and a bald arse. Where did it all go wrong?:(

I wonder if the couple in the OP are still together 8 years later?

Banjo String

Do the 'keys handed back' gag.

Call on any of his exes to give back the keys to his old Bachelor's pad.

Secretly arrange for a few hotties to walk up to the top table with keys they place in a glass. ....

followed by a heavily pregnant girl. .....

Then a granny.........

lastly a bloke with a camp walk who blows kisses at you.

ctrl-alt-delete

Deleted User wrote: »

I wonder if the couple in the OP are still together 8 years later?

They split shortly after the Best Man speech.

dilallio

An easy ice-breaker to use is:

Stand up, tap a spoon a few times off your glass and announce:

"Reverand Father, Ladies & Gentleman,
While researching the best mans speech, I discovered that the best-man's speech is supposed to last as long as the groom lasts in bed"

Then look around for a few seconds, stare at the groom, say "Thank you very much", and sit down.


Another possibility, depending on how well you know the bride's family is to hand out about 20 keys to various ladies in the room.
During the speech, announce that now that the groom is officially off the market, could any girl who still has a key for his house return it immediately.
Make sure that his new mother-in-law (or bride's brother if he's up for it) returns the last key.

KeithM89

Make sure you make the speeches as long and drawn out as possible. The guests love that.

BillyMitchel

Do the smithy bit. Go to say lets all have a toast and then pull a slice of toast from your pocket.

Another one is after the groom gets a clap you say (insert name) its not the first time he got a clap.

Ive one next year im dreading it. Not my hair but the speech.



Ok ill get my coat.

anncoates

Get drunk and land him in the sh*t with ramblng, smutty tales about his pre-fiance days.

The couple will hate you but everybody else will secretly love it.

truebluesac

Just imagine them all naked ........ Youl be fine ;-)

--Kaiser--

Prepare, prepare, prepare is my advice.
Also, people at weddings are the best audience and will laugh at anything remotely funny

hoodwinked

Deleted User wrote: »

I wonder if the couple in the OP are still together 8 years later?

ha ha no they got divorced in 2009 when he lost his job and his home and his money, she ran off with his best man who used stay in their house with the wife while the husband went out working day and night, they sold her half of everything as soon as they heard he was going to be made redundant (told to the best man in confidence because he didn't want his wife to know he was a failure) and they absconded to spain where i hear the op is now dating a sexy seniorita after the wife cheated on him with a spanish waiter!* :pac:


*yeah none of this probably happened

KeithM89

Well the OP was looking for someone to video a wedding in 2009 so i dont think the first wedding went too well.