Todays "I secretly lust for my friend" thread

LegacyUser

Ok, I have a slight problem. I'm friends with a girl from my course who I have over the course of a few months developed strong feelings for. To be totally honest I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same way, I can just tell, it's the little things, stuff like telling me that she saw some hot guy at whatever and such.... Anyway, as I said I don't think she feels remotely the same way but I still want to tell her how I feel, not because I think we'll get together, but instead just to get it out there in the hopes that it will stop me going insane, annoying my friends and possibly somewhat lower or totally eradicate my level of pining, which to be honest is getting pretty ridiculous.

Anyway, and this is mostly to the (very few) women on the board. Is this a monumentally bad idea? I mean I just need to get her off my head, and I think my options to begin that process are pretty limited, either tell her so that I at least know she knows about it(does this make any sense?In my head it seems like it will help me) or else totally avoid her and stop talking to her and such and don't give her a reason, which to be honest I have considered, but I'm not enough of an asshole to pull that off.

Basically I know I'm rambling horribly, but does this sound like a sane course of action? I want to stress that I at least want to stay friends with the girl, but I don't think I can do that as things are, keeping my feelings to myself, I feel like the friendship is a sham, and theres always that little tiny glimmer of "maybe there is a chance" that's keeping me from moving on.

After I tell her though, is that it? Is it likely she'll just avoid me or do friendships survive such things? We have been out places outside college quite a few times, as "just friends", and I do consider her a good friend.. but to reiterate, it's either tell her or stop talking to her...Because the current situation is seriously getting to me.

Hmmmm....

Red Alert

Been in this situation a few times. In the end, telling her is better. She might actually feel the same way, or just never have thought about it, or she may reject you flat out. From your description of it, I doubt that she'd ignore you for ever more if you told her and she didn't feel the same way. Best of luck!

R>A>

Tails

Wouldnt it be a great boards love story if the girl in this story was the person writing the other thread very similar to this, but back onto the point at hand you may as well her if the situations right dont just go blurting it out.

SusieBelle

Ok ive been here as the girl...When I started college I met a guy whom I became the best of friends with, and thats all I saw him as, my best friend...until about a year later when he told me how he felt...I was shocked at first because I didn't think he saw us that way, and told him I only saw him as a friend. We stayed friends and he did his best to go back to the way things were but thankfully I began to look at him differently and we eventually got together...We've been together 3 years now so these things can work out.

You have to tell her because it will surface eventually if you stay friends and better to get it out now while neither of you are in other relationships, and DONT do the cold shoulder treatment its a waste of your friendship and causes what might very well be unnecessary pain...

SOO Tell her she might surprise you, just remember to give her time to adjust to the idea, don't push her straight away...

Shabadu

Don't do it. You already know you shouldn't. If you know she's not into you, why would you just want to make her feel uncomfortable?

Saruman

Tell her, if you are afraid though.. dont be too serious. You could say something like "I want to tell you something... I really like you and wondered what it would be like if we got together.. what do you think? If she says its better to be friends then laugh and say she is probably right... otherwise.. well.. yay

Third_Echelon

Its better to tell her. Get it out there and see what happens. If you don't you'll just drive yourself mad...

What's the worst that could happen? She could say no... She could say yes :eek:

Everybody has been in this situation at one stage or another...

If it turns out to be the case that she doesn't feel the same way, it will be akward for a while, and if you are truly good friends, the akwardness will eventually dissappear and things get back to normal.

Do it.

Zillah

Any amount of embarrasment/awkwardness is worth knowing. Tell her tell her tell her, do it now.

anna20

prob best to tell her, noting worse than keeping something to yourself, u will drive yourself crazy.plus u never know what mite happen.he who dares wins, just like that sports ad but the other way around!!!!!!

good luck

Victor

PineyMcPine wrote:

I can just tell, it's the little things, stuff like telling me that she saw some hot guy at whatever and such....

This just might mean she feels comfortable with you.

Bright Smile

tell her....putting yourself out there is the only way youll actually move on from her or to her if you're in luck so go for it!

Crucifix

Just a question, do you (as the title suggests) just want to do her and that's it? If that's the case I wouldn't bother, but if you actually like her beyond that I'd give it a go.

LegacyUser

Crucifix wrote:

Just a question, do you (as the title suggests) just want to do her and that's it? If that's the case I wouldn't bother, but if you actually like her beyond that I'd give it a go.

No, not at all. I'm crazy about this girl, I don't just want to "do" her. I want to go out with her, I want to hold her hand when we're walking down the street, I want to put my arm around her when we're sitting together, etc... Maybe lust was the wrong word to use.

Anyway, thanks for the advice everyone.

Sarky

Victor wrote:

This just might mean she feels comfortable with you.

Or she's playing some stupid game and trying to make you jealous or something.

Talk to her. Find out. There may well be a little awkwardness for a little while if she says no, but I really rather doubt it'll sour things, as long as you're both sensible and mature about it. Hell, my two ex-girlfriends remain among my closest friends...

LegacyUser

If you're planning on avoiding her anyway, you're better off telling her how you feel.

Dooooo ittt....

Gordon

Sarky wrote:

my two ex-girlfriends remain among my closest friends...

like snakes among the grass...

weemcd

I'd say do it, you will feel better for letting her know the truth, and to have your feelings out in the open. Then you may be able to move on and stop obsessing ( too strong a word i know, but you catch my drift) and get on with your life. You never know, she could say something similar, but don't get your hopes up. I'm sure even if she says no you will still be friends, and it is better in the long run for yourself to let your true feelings out.

all the best and tell us how you get on

Sarky

Gordon wrote:

like snakes among the grass...

Y'know, at least one of them will read that...

Dub_Ster

do it nothing to lose evrything to gain did you not may be think that she may be attracted to you cause none of my lady friends talk about who were seeing well one or two but the rest of them no like i thinkits a part of growng up to tbh cause i think we all go threw it bt shore go for it , at least she will resect your honesty .....

I have told girls who ive none for a few years how i felt its not ,but shore who dares wins well sometimes so go for it ...

weemcd

spg goes along way in these parts...

case n basket

Do it, regardless of the outcome, you'll feel better afterwards. How much so depends on your friends response

LegacyUser

"No, not at all. I'm crazy about this girl, I don't just want to "do" her. I want to go out with her, I want to hold her hand when we're walking down the street, I want to put my arm around her when we're sitting together, etc... Maybe lust was the wrong word to use."

If you really care about her in a 'nice' way you should certainly tell her. She'll appreciate it and be flattered. Even if she doesn't feel the same, she might change her mind.