Should I tell him?

LegacyUser

Ive known this guy at college for quite some time now and over time we have become good friends. The thing is I've always fancied him. When we were first getting to know each other it was just physical attraction, and it never occured to me to ask him out due to another situation with this other guy that was 'on the scence'. But now more recently (the other guy is out of the picture for quite a while) my feelings have grown stronger.

I have realised what an amazing guy he is and we have so much in common. I really care about him and I want to tell him how I feel, ask him out. The thing is I have no idea if he likes me back. I would have no trouble asking him out for a drink or something, but I dont want to do that yet because I have no idea what his reaction will be. How can I tell?

He seems to like me but I'm not sure. How do guys act around girls they fancy?? Please give me some insights!!

WhiteWashMan

you can tell by asking him.

if you have no problem asking him out for a drink, why havent you done it yet?

seamus

very confused wrote:

How can I tell?

You can't. Welcome to our world.

Asking him out for a drink could be misconstrued. Ask him to the cinema, or preferably Dinner followed by drinks, and he can't misinterpret it. Then you'll find out yay or nay.

The fact that he actually talks to you at all is usually a good indicator that he's open to the possibility. Seriously.

Rossonero

Ask him out for a drink. If you both get along so well what harm is it asking?

smarten31

Just ask him! He will never know otherwise..Whats the worst thing that can happen?? I'm sure he'll be delighted

*Page*

the only way to know anything is threw communtcation! so talk to him!!

Cyrus

most single fellas arent friends with girls that they havent at least thought about going out with, give it a go bet he says yes

Saruman

Chances are he feels the same and if he is a member on boards possibly asking the same question here too

WhiteWashMan

BOARDS.IE

Showing the wood from the trees....

threebeards

If you're to regret something, make sure it's for something you've done, not something you haven't.

LegacyUser

threebeards wrote:

If you're to regret something, make sure it's for something you've done, not something you haven't.

I've seen a fair bit of drivel posted today, and I sit here for 8/9 hours at work, but that's post of the day in my book.

Credit to ThreeBeards!! I fully endorse that point of view

Dooid

ask ask ask. I'd be very suprised if you got a negative reaction, worst thing it'll do is give his ego a big boost. That or just get a few drinks into him and let nature take its course. Here here Bruachain, where did he come up with that, wouldn't be a Chili Peppers song by any chance from One Hot Minute by any chance? :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Dooid wrote:

ask ask ask. I'd be very suprised if you got a negative reaction, worst thing it'll do is give his ego a big boost. That or just get a few drinks into him and let nature take its course. Here here Bruachain, where did he come up with that, wouldn't be a Chili Peppers song by any chance from One Hot Minute by any chance? :rolleyes:

LOL....Now, now - don't ruin his moment of glory Dooid!

threebeards

Dooid wrote:

where did he come up with that, wouldn't be a Chili Peppers song by any chance from One Hot Minute by any chance? :rolleyes:

I heard that saying years ago and it's something that's stood me in good stead for years, and anyway, when you get to my age you're inclined to say things like Red Hot who?

paulcr

Speaking as a guy. I'd love for a women to show her interest in me rather than the other way around. I can't tell you how many times (later) someone will tell me you know I had the biggest crush on you. What a waste of time.

Scarinae

The best relationships arise from friendships, in my opinion - so what have you got to lose? If you're afraid of ruining the friendship, just try some gentle flirting at first and see how he reacts - if he gets a bit freaked out, then back off, but if he flirts back - GO FOR IT!!!

tk123

If you really like him then ask him for drinks or lunch or something! I don't know if i'm the best person to give advice cos I was in the same situation a while ago where I fancied a guy in work who irrated the hell out of me - i never did anything abt it and have since gotten to know him a bit more which made me realise he was more irrating than attractive to me so i'm glad I did nothing at the time!

LegacyUser

WhiteWashMan wrote:

if you have no problem asking him out for a drink, why havent you done it yet?

I just dont want to ruin our friendship. Well, that and the fact that if things go wrong it could be a little awkward because we have a lot of the same friends. Also since we're in college together I see him all the time- I think I'm just thinking about everything that could go wrong before anything has actually happened!

threebeards wrote:

If you're to regret something, make sure it's for something you've done, not something you haven't.

That really is a good quote!!

paulcr wrote:

Speaking as a guy. I'd love for a women to show her interest in me rather than the other way around. I can't tell you how many times (later) someone will tell me you know I had the biggest crush on you. What a waste of time.

Yeah i see what you mean, I guess I should stop thinking what if and just go for it.

Thanks for the advice everyone, I think I just needed a little reassurance. I like Fishie's idea...I'll probably see him tomorrow night when I go out for a few drinks (he's usually in the same pub) so I'll flirt a little and see how it goes!

WhiteWashMan

oh god
dont be subtle.

just do it and get it over with.

or just be melodramatic for a while and cry into your pillow at night

whatever.

Zillah

threebeards wrote:

If you're to regret something, make sure it's for something you've done, not something you haven't.

Can't agree more. I was in a similar (albeit much harder) situation. I forced myself to get around to asking out someone I really liked. Ok so they didn't feel the same way but the point is, now, looking back, the worst feeling I can imagine is if I never asked and still didn't know.

Canis Lupus

As seamus said ask him for a drink and a bit of food and unless he is an idiot he will know what ya mean. If he doesn't get the message just keep going for meals regularly and if he keeps going it'll definitely happen. Unless yur ugly and he just likes to eat alot.

Of course being a student ye could go out and get twisted on corona or dutch gold and just snog the face off him, either way works.

seamus

very confused wrote:

I like Fishie's idea...I'll probably see him tomorrow night when I go out for a few drinks (he's usually in the same pub) so I'll flirt a little and see how it goes!

He won't get it. Fishie is a girl IIRC. Never take "Getting him to notice you" advice from other girls. They haven't a clue. You'll spend all night flirting, and get nowhere, then be upset because you think he doesn't like you.

LegacyUser

Zillah wrote:

I was in a similar (albeit much harder) situation. I forced myself to get around to asking out someone I really liked. Ok so they didn't feel the same way but the point is, now, looking back, the worst feeling I can imagine is if I never asked and still didn't know.

Reading that makes me see even more that I have to ask him and get it over and done with. It's really wrecking me at this stage- can't stop thinking about him!

seamus wrote:

Never take "Getting him to notice you" advice from other girls. They haven't a clue. You'll spend all night flirting, and get nowhere, then be upset because you think he doesn't like you.

lol I see your point.

Canis Lupus wrote:

As seamus said ask him for a drink and a bit of food and unless he is an idiot he will know what ya mean. If he doesn't get the message just keep going for meals regularly and if he keeps going it'll definitely happen. Unless yur ugly and he just likes to eat alot.

Of course being a student ye could go out and get twisted on corona or dutch gold and just snog the face off him, either way works.

Ok I'll try the drunk snogging idea tonight then!!! If I chicken out though I'll definitely go for the meal/drinks plan, that seems the most sensible (I wouldnt consider myself ugly, not being vain or anything, and I dont think he likes to eat THAT much!!!)...have to think positively- I will not chicken out

Thanks again everyone..

LegacyUser

Well I talked to him last night. We had a little 'heart to heart' and turns out he likes me too We're gonna take things slowly and see how it goes, all in all a happy ending! I'm so glad I eventually told him, the way I feel today compared to when I first posted this thread is a million times better.

Oh and tbh alcohol helped a lot in the end, don't know if I would have been as forward if I was completely sober

I've noticed a few other threads have popped up pretty similar to this one. After my experience I'd say to those guys just go for it, you could be pleasantly surprised like I was...

tinkerbell

Yay! Glad to hear it was a happy ending

*Page*

I love happy beginnings

WhiteWashMan

dear jesus....

Hobart

you rang? ^

pretty-in-pink

Hm that sounds like a situation I was in, 2 years ago, cause happliy it resolved itself.

Most of what i ssaid is now irrelevent......but I'll share this story cause you sound nearly exactly like me and my fella...

My boyfriend and I were "just friends", but there was a lot of chemistry, and we got together- eventualy.

My boyfriend made a move on a cold, wet evening, we were sheltering in a carpark, had been flirting like mad all evening, I left the club early to meet him (College trip away), he kissed me, I kissed him back. Ah the sound of the rain, our breathing, being close to his warm body. So romantic...

We kissed on and off for a couple of months (there were complications to a smooth get together), and then one wonderful Febrary night we hooked up and made it official. 2 years later we are still going strong.

Sigh...............


Well done on bagging ur man BTW, Im so happy for you

Caliden

anyone got a bucket i can use?

Canis Lupus

*sigh* Drink, is there anything it can't do?

arbeitsscheuer

Canis Lupus wrote:

*sigh* Drink, is there anything it can't do?

Answer: Nope.

To alcohol; the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems - Homer Simpson

who can argue with such wisdom?

Peace

Caliden wrote:

anyone got a bucket i can use?

rofl....

BOARDS
.IE Making things happen, SHAFT!

Glad it worked out ok missus, this could be the biggining of a winder (or awful) thing.

weemcd

nice too see this thread with a positive result.

Ask yourself this though, a male in the same situation, are his chances of success not much less likley? At the end of the day it's always the woman who gets the deciding word in such a matter.

Chances are if a fella is friends with a girl there is some attraction between them, while girls may not see things this way. Am I way off the mark here?


Anyway, enough of me being bitter very confused glad to hear it worked out for you, I hope you two are very happy together.

ballooba

tinkerbell wrote:

Yay! Glad to hear it was a happy ending

Don't think she meant in the Thai Masseuse sense.

youcancallmeal

threebeards wrote:

If you're to regret something, make sure it's for something you've done, not something you haven't.

Someones been listening to orbital?

Victor

(a) get a room (b) pass the bucket (c) back on topic.

CathyMoran

Happy memories spring to mind of my first love - to the OP, is good to see that you two have sorted things out. With my first love I fancied him the moment I saw him, then a year later got to know him and for a while could not stand him, but there was chemistry there, in the end I was crushing cans the whole time (I do that when I am fustrated) and then one evening we went out to UCD lake alone and our lips met while we were looking at the swans...

Letting the beloved know how you feel is always going to be hard...at least it works out most times but I wish that people were like maths sometimes. Sometimes you just have to weigh how much you fancy the person versus how much you value them as friends...I have made a pass at a friend, been turned down and still been best friends with him...in the end I believe in fate, but that is just me...

Gir

CathyMoran wrote:

Happy memories spring to mind of my first love - to the OP, is good to see that you two have sorted things out. With my first love I fancied him the moment I saw him, then a year later got to know him and for a while could not stand him, but there was chemistry there, in the end I was crushing cans the whole time (I do that when I am fustrated) and then one evening we went out to UCD lake alone and our lips met while we were looking at the swans...

Letting the beloved know how you feel is always going to be hard...at least it works out most times but I wish that people were like maths sometimes. Sometimes you just have to weigh how much you fancy the person versus how much you value them as friends...I have made a pass at a friend, been turned down and still been best friends with him...in the end I believe in fate, but that is just me...

Nice post.

Helped me go to sleep.

Gordon

Gir:
banned

Karma

bruachain wrote:

I've seen a fair bit of drivel posted today, and I sit here for 8/9 hours at work, but that's post of the day in my book.

Credit to ThreeBeards!! I fully endorse that point of view

Glad it worked out guest. just went thru it myself, but the better half is leaving in two months for the year but as that ORBITAL quote goes "Better to regret something you have done than something you haven't"
Oh and to the fu€kknuckl€ I quoted-Fuc€ off.
people go thru difficult situations to find the person they want. encourage, do not put down.
ps 4 quoted fukunclk€ "if you see your mom, tell her SATAN SATAN TAAN!"

GLAD IT WORKED OUT. After all what else are we here for.
live and learn kiddies.

Victor

RogueDotC: banned