Acceptable? - Married Man/Woman

Baffled

How acceptable is it these days to be dating a seperated married man/women with kids. Is it something you would tell your family and friends without feeling ashamed/quilty/whatever? What are peolpes views/opinions on this.

Evil Phil

I don't see a problem with it, go for you life!

Gilgamesh

agree wit phil on this one, why should it not be acceptable?
he is seperated after all

koneko

If he/she is seperated, I don't see the problem, as long as you're aware of the baggage that comes along with it (sorting out divorce, custody, the wife/husband might not like you and make things difficult).

Make sure he/she is actually seperated rather than "experimenting" though.

Beruthiel

I am one of those people of which you speak and as far as I'm concerned, there is no problem whatsoever if the previous relationship is over.
Also, his family had no problem accepting me.
why would you feel ashamed?!

seamus

No-one I know would have a problem with it. I certainly wouldn't. Maybe if your family/friends are ultra fundamentalist Catholic...

Baffled

Point taken. Just a bit new to all of this and Im trying not to hurt anyone. Not that I think anyone is going to be hurt (thats if they can be mature and reseonable about it). Anyways, thanx a mill.

b3t4

My mother's family take a huge issue with this. My cousin is currently seeing a woman who is separated from her husband. Some family events, eg christenings, have been closed to all people outside the family so as his girlfriend will not be able to attend.

These people (who I am ashamed to be related to) also took offense when another cousin started dating a guy from a family in which the parents were separated. They had to get over this one though as my cousin refused to listen to them. They eventually accepted her boyfriend and they got married last year.

I can't see any reason why it wouldn't be acceptable. But you might need to take into account that there may be family members of yours who might not feel it is acceptable and make your life a lot harder for it.

A.

Glipmac

yes go for it as long as you don't hurt the kids in the prosess then it will all work out fine, both of my rents ase seing some one with kids so be happy.

Glip :cool:

WhiteWashMan

Baffled wrote:

How acceptable is it these days to be dating a seperated married man/women with kids. Is it something you would tell your family and friends without feeling ashamed/quilty/whatever? What are peolpes views/opinions on this.

if you are asking if 'society' feels its an issue, then just remember you are not living in 50's america and apple pie land.

its only an issue if you think its an issue.
if you are worried about what youre friends and family say, then its an issue.
if you feel ashamed, its an issue.

if you didnt feel any of these, then i dont see why you would have posted up here.

whats your issue?

charba

Baffled wrote:

How acceptable is it these days to be dating a seperated married man/women with kids. Is it something you would tell your family and friends without feeling ashamed/quilty/whatever? What are peolpes views/opinions on this.

I'd have no problem well apart from the fact that I'm pretty young to be dating a divorcee, cos they'd usually be in there mid to late 20's.
Apart from that my family and friends wouldn't really mind as long as I am happy

Oryx

I know some older, maybe more religious people may have a hard time with it, but its getting to be more common than 'regular' relationships now. If said person is good to you, and you know what your taking on, go for it. I think someones happiness is far more important than staying shackled to a marraige that didnt work out.

Victor

koneko wrote:

as long as you're aware of the baggage that comes along with it (sorting out divorce, custody, the wife/husband might not like you and make things difficult). Make sure he/she is actually seperated rather than "experimenting" though.

I would strongly go with this.

However, something inside me screams "in or out, get off the fence". If they are serious, they should go the whole hog and finish the first relationship. If they are not serious, they shouldn't be starting a second relationship.

seamus wrote:

Maybe if your family/friends are ultra fundamentalist Catholic...

Or the Queen of England?

http://www.private-eye.co.uk/
http://www.private-eye.co.uk/covers/1130/1130pe.jpg (large image)

jimmycrackcorm

b3t4 wrote:

My mother's family take a huge issue with this. My cousin is currently seeing a woman who is separated from her husband. Some family events, eg christenings, have been closed to all people outside the family so as his girlfriend will not be able to attend.
A.

I'm curious if they are from some little backward village - where Dana gets 98% first preferences.

MojoMaker

Dundalk.

Etain

The divorce rate for second marriages is 75 %. Rather than disliking the divorced party, sometimes it's just genuine concern for the future.
Make sure you are serious about the person before you involve yourself with the kids, it can be heart- breaking for them to keep losing people they care for. Keep in mind that the kids ensure a lifelong bond with the former partner.

Red Alert

No problem with it at all. We only live once so there's no point getting hung up over relationships that no longer exist.

MojoMaker

Etain wrote:

The divorce rate for second marriages is 75 %.

Please substantiate.

Etain

MojoMaker wrote:

Please substantiate.

I didn't intend to debate over the statistics of divorce. I am very sorry if my post offended anyone. It was certainly not an attack on divorced people. I should have used the word " ABOUT". The rate of divorce for second marriages is ABOUT 75%. If you would like to read more on this try: health.discovery.com (click on divorce rates) or userniche.com (click on divorce statistics).

CathyMoran

I really can not see the problem with dating a separated/divorced person - my cousins first marriage did not work out about 10 years ago, he eventually divorced his first wife and has about 5 kids at last count...I remember that my grandmother took a small bit of time to get used to it but in the end she adored them all. An aunt of mine who was a novice nun in the past is now dating a divorcee. If kids are involved you always have to be extra careful but I can not see any problems.

MojoMaker

Etain wrote:

I didn't intend to debate over the statistics of divorce. I am very sorry if my post offended anyone. It was certainly not an attack on divorced people. I should have used the word " ABOUT". The rate of divorce for second marriages is ABOUT 75%. If you would like to read more on this try: health.discovery.com (click on divorce rates) or userniche.com (click on divorce statistics).

The only sentence on the site (that I could find) that mentions the words "divorce" and "75 percent" in the same sentence is one which states that 75% of people who divorce remarry within 5 years. Where did you get your statistics on the failure of second and subsequent marriages?

Etain

divorce rates

myths of divorce

Try these.

Bamboozled

I dont see it as a problem - probably because i'm the separated one doing the dating. When people under 50 find out i've been married, they're a little shocked but thats within the first few minutes. After that, they seem to get that its more usual these days because of the trends of society.
People under 50 react shocked also, but usually because i'm so young and have been with my partner for 4 years so they find it unusual that i've already been married, separated and now in a long term relationship at only 27.
There hasnt been a problem with his parents or sisters, or any of his aunts, uncles or grandparent - which is a great reaction considering one of the uncles is a priest.

I may be one of the luckier ones that have had better reactions, but if i was on the receiving end of "funniness" from others because i'm separated, I know it would cause a strain on the relationship i have with my partner. Sometimes people dont realise the damage they can do to others.

seamus

Etain wrote:

divorce rates

myths of divorce

Try these.

American figures. Don't apply here.

MojoMaker

The Discovery site makes a reference to the failure rate of 2nd marriages being slightly higher than first marriages, which they set at roughly half.

For all it's pie charts & graphs Unserniche.com appears to be an opinion site.

As Seamus says the relevance of American divorce statistics is minimal here in the developed world.

BEAT

to answer the original posters question,
if the couple are separted...living separatley and in the process of divorce then there is nothing wrong with it.

If they are not in the process of divorce then beware, ask yourself why not? is there a chance they will get back together or that one of them still loves the other, because that can cause problems.

As long as the divorce is in process and there is no chance of a reunion then all is good, I would be wary of anything else for your own good.

Baffled

Well theres 1 child but the child and her mum have returned to their country of origin. Anyways thanx for all the opinions. Much appreciated.