The dreaded ex-factor

sprinkles

Ok the most popular problem no doubt!

I can't seem to get over my ex. We broke up about 2 years ago but the last time I saw/kissed her was just over a year ago. We had a long and horrible breakup, basically the whole thing was my fault (which I didn't admit at the time) which is making the whole depression thing worse. It took me a few months to come to terms with it but all of a sudden I'm back in the depths of depression again. I thought I had a handle on it and now all I can do is think about her. There hasn't been a day since we broke up (or indeed since I first saw her many moons ago) that I haven't thought about her but it's getting to the point where I can't do much else. I'm almost back at my post breakup stage. Anyway is there anyway to weather this? How do I stop her getting into my head?

I have been with other women since the breakup and at first it got my mind off the whole thing but now all I do is compare the girl to my ex and ruin a possible relationship/friendship for the stupidest reasons. I know its not fair to compare them all to my ex but I still do. how can I possibly get involved with someone when they have to live up to my ex, or at least the version of her in my head. Is there anyway to get over this because time seems to be making it worse.

Gilgamesh

Ahh comon, Ruthie, can't we get a sticky up for this kinda stuff titled 'hints on how to get over your ex'?

Dude, obviously you still have strong feelings for her, or you didn't find closure on the relationship, sometimes it helps to get a mental kick in the head, meet up with her and see if she makes a point that she is not interested, if so, then you can move on.
it hurts, but you are not mourning over a dead person, but someone who is still around, maybe you are just scared that you will bump into her again, which will probably happen.
change your environment, get a new girlfriend and enjoy Life as much as possible.
whatever yo do, don't do somethign stupid like starting to drink heavily or something on that lane.

maybe seek counselling, maybe you just need to vent your system.

Amen

kindest Regards

your friendly neighbourhood Gilgamesh

Glipmac

Hi guyz,

wanted to let you know that it is not the end of the world, there are plenty of more fish in the sea (if you know what i mean ) but try to ask her out but don't rush it get to know her again (just incase she has another BF) but remember if you become a close friend then if she gets dumped who is she gonna go to...

enough said on that

Glip :cool:

nesf

I was in a very similar position. Basically the only advice I can give you is that time is the best healer.

Other than that, I can extend sympathys and my understanding, but little else.

scojones

Time doesn't heal much, I broke up with my ex a long time ago and I still feel for her.You need to get closure - her to tell you it will never happen, then you are cured.

WizZard

Stay single for a while. Go out with your mates and have a good time (no women needed). Basically start to enjoy life on your own. You don't need anyone else to have a good time.
Eventually you will stop thinking of her as much and she will fade from memory. It feels like crap now, but it will get better - I guarantee it.

Oh, and stay away from her. It's over, deal with it. Associating with her will keep her in the forefront of your mind and it will take longer to get this famous "closure"

arbeitsscheuer

Gilgamesh wrote:

Ahh comon, Ruthie, can't we get a sticky up for this kinda stuff titled 'hints on how to get over your ex'?

I agree, every week there's a new thread on this topic. The posters' names change, but the subject matter stays the same...

Gordon

SebtheBum wrote:

I agree, every week there's a new thread on this topic. The posters' names change, but the subject matter stays the same...

Yes this happens.

However we like to at least pretend that each user's particular problem is unique to them. It makes them feel special and makes us happy that we're making them happy.

However this has been gone over before, I think I have already posted about this on PI before. You guys being sticklers for previous posts can go and search my posts to see that I have already explained this to people.

Back on topic

scojones

Hmm, well yes the topic is the same, but the circumstances are not. Everyone is different and every breakup is different. Telling someone to go and look at advice given to someone else on the same topic, but under different circumstances is not a good idea. They won't feel like anyone actually cares and you may send the issue spiralling out of control :eek:

Excuse my spelling btw.

petes

Glipmac wrote:

Hi guyz,

wanted to let you know that it is not the end of the world, there are plenty of more fish in the sea (if you know what i mean ) but try to ask her out but don't rush it get to know her again (just incase she has another BF) but remember if you become a close friend then if she gets dumped who is she gonna go to...

enough said on that

Glip :cool:

What sit around being a close friend hoping that one day she will break up with her current, if any boyfriend? Anyway he hasnt been talking to her in a long time, why out of nowhere would he ask her out again? I think the OP should maybe see someone about this, 2 years is a long time.

jonny68

sprinkles wrote:

Ok the most popular problem no doubt!

I can't seem to get over my ex. We broke up about 2 years ago but the last time I saw/kissed her was just over a year ago. We had a long and horrible breakup, basically the whole thing was my fault (which I didn't admit at the time) which is making the whole depression thing worse. It took me a few months to come to terms with it but all of a sudden I'm back in the depths of depression again. I thought I had a handle on it and now all I can do is think about her. There hasn't been a day since we broke up (or indeed since I first saw her many moons ago) that I haven't thought about her but it's getting to the point where I can't do much else. I'm almost back at my post breakup stage. Anyway is there anyway to weather this? How do I stop her getting into my head?

I have been with other women since the breakup and at first it got my mind off the whole thing but now all I do is compare the girl to my ex and ruin a possible relationship/friendship for the stupidest reasons. I know its not fair to compare them all to my ex but I still do. how can I possibly get involved with someone when they have to live up to my ex, or at least the version of her in my head. Is there anyway to get over this because time seems to be making it worse.

Mate im sorry to hear that,i have just split with my bird after a year and a bit and its extremly painful so i know how you feel,the last breakup i had was bad as well,some people seem to handle them better than others,unfortunately i dont think im one of them,the only thing i can suggest to you is to perhaps take a break from the whole scene for a while,i will be anyway(not that my confidence is too good right now) hope things work oot for you mate.......

sprinkles

Thanks for the advice guys,

The thing is I thought I was over the whole thing and then BAM....back into the feeling crap thing again. I mean I was going out having fun etc and now right back to the beginning. Anyway, thanks again!

LegacyUser

Jack Nicholson once said, best way to get over a woman, is to get another woman.

scojones

paperclip wrote:

Jack Nicholson once said, best way to get over a woman, is to get another woman.

I believe that was "The Best Way To Get Over A Woman Is To Get Under Another Woman".

LegacyUser

sjones wrote:

I believe that was "The Best Way To Get Over A Woman Is To Get Under Another Woman".

*Page*

i thought it was "to get your leg over another woman!"

LegacyUser

you all disapointed now :rolleyes:

*Page* wrote:

i thought it was "to get your leg over another woman!"

*Page*

no sorry i was trying to correct the frase the act doesnt work!!

to sprinkles: i'm sorry your still hung up on your x i know the feelings but to be totally honest i got threw it was becoming friends with the person! if thats not possible go and scream really hard let everything go. find someone and go talk till you cant talk any more!

its times like these that you need your friends

LegacyUser

I broke up with an ex 4 years ago, haven't spoken to her in 3 years. I still miss her loads and think about her every day. I'm living with some one for over 3 years and we have a child together. It doesn't stop me missing my ex.

Dub_Ster

hi this is what i do when i get depressed over my exs but i dont hink ive eer had a true romance yet im only 23

but back to what im talkin about music i represents an emotion ur emotion listen to depressing music like the frames etc will depress u , no matter what any one says

listen to electronic music will make u happer if you stick to tunes that make u feel good .and also walking ifim stressed or thinkin about exs i go for a walk and walk it of youle be suprised how this makes u feel and if you power walk its even better cause your focusing on your breathing .

and we all miss something we grew attached to old ways of life i lived on beachs for 6 years of my life being a surf bum and i loved it im 23 now and i sit in an enclosed enviroment all day long and it kills

because i love that life style but it doesnt meen the end of the world infact i recon my life is only really startin met a girl and well its a new fase of my life startin i think.

i beleave its like this if yor life is ****ty a the start ie bulied , bad schooling experence , or even ,adiction , home life what ever it is you have 2 chocies
wollow in your own pitty about it /her , or rise like a phonix from the aches get on with your life , and ive done booth ....

Victor

Dub Ster, txtspk isn't allowed.

sprinkles

Unreguser wrote:

I broke up with an ex 4 years ago, haven't spoken to her in 3 years. I still miss her loads and think about her every day. I'm living with some one for over 3 years and we have a child together. It doesn't stop me missing my ex.

Great..........I look forward to still feeling like this in years to come so

Bamboozled

Identify whatever kicked it off, a smell, a song, something you saw that reminded you of her and those times, and try not to smell/listen/pass/see it again. Find something that made you happy when you werent with her, and keep it nearby. anytime you begin to feel depressed, pick it up/listen to it/see it/smell it again.

PullMyFinger!

It took me 3 years to get one ex properly out of my system (and I was the dumpER). I dont think anyone is really cured till they meet another special someone, so I disagree that 2 years "isnt normal"

PullMyFinger!

How are you doing now Sprinkles?

sprinkles

PullMyFinger! wrote:

How are you doing now Sprinkles?

Ah, it comes and goes. Depends on what I'm doing. If I'm bored then I'll start thinking about her. Annoying tbh. I guess I'll have to just weather it out. Although I really don't see it getting any better in the short term.

arkles

sjones wrote:

Time doesn't heal much, I broke up with my ex a long time ago and I still feel for her.You need to get closure - her to tell you it will never happen, then you are cured.

yeah very true
my g/f and me split 12 mts ago after 7 yrs together, still have not got closure, because i was an eejit and done the friends thing, i must say we are very very close friends very intimate and i mean very, since we broke meet every few weeks distance 100 miles both make the journey, but i cant get a commitment or closure she often says she can still see herself with me in 10 yrs time, but she does not want a relationship

why i tell this story is to tell everybody what to do after a break up, drop all contact completely, she/he will come back, my ex told me that some time ago while she was feeling bad after the breakup if i had not pushed her away by begging she would have returned to me

Muineach

well with my sordid history I was pretty serious with a girl in college then we had a terrible breakup (my fault btw) but anyway that was 6 years ago now it took me a good 4 years to get over her properly. Now I can think back and remember the good times and have a smile.

Then I went a met another girl , worked with her for 9 months, was mad about her (not just a lust thing) but nothing happend (she was seeing a guy for over 2 years) and now shes the one I still havent gotten over and that was about 1 1/2 years ago.

But I think the one from work helped me get over the one from college (if that makes any sense) but I have a sneaking suspicion that I just swapped the one I pine over.

and just in case the one from work reads this, hya vebu :P

PullMyFinger!

Id agree that it takes one amazing girl/woman to really get over another. I think (hope) Im over the worst from my ex and think that "keep busy" really is the best advice to listen to once you've gone out and got drunk for awhile, tried to get her back, had a couple of holidays or whatever. Hopefully if its meant to be it is.

hullaballoo

sprinkles wrote:

Ah, it comes and goes. Depends on what I'm doing. If I'm bored then I'll start thinking about her. Annoying tbh. I guess I'll have to just weather it out. Although I really don't see it getting any better in the short term.

from that, and a few other posts, i'd say it's probably misplaced emotions that are making you feel down. i don't know the exact lingo but really what's happening is that you're lonely from not having a relationship--you miss the first text of the day to see how you are, the "night" text before you go to sleep, the being able to have her there whenever you like, the compliments (oh the ego boosters!), the wonerful feeling of having a woman to be with. mostly though, you're missing the memories. no doubt they're good ones so you're just remembering what you used to have with her.

I've been there!

Basically, you need to change the outlook you have with regard to these emotions/memories. try and look on them as pleasant memories, and always remind yourself that you broke up for a good reason.

It is a conundrum though. someone else said this as well; try and pin-point the thing that reminds you of her--but when you do, think "is this reminding me of a memory, or of my current feelings". Just to make it clear; I went through a break-up with a girl last september and there was a lot of being on, then off, then back on again--very hurtful stuff--

anyway, the snow patrol song "spitting games" was on repeat one night when we were going through this and for ages i couldn't listen to it. Right well, we've been back together, happy as you like for 6 months now and last night the song came on and i broke down. I was like "WTF? I can't even say 'oh this song reminds me of her'" cos she was right there--the point is it just triggered a memory. Just follow the caveat; memory, or reality, and you'll be ok.