Love Is Oxygen

Le Rack

Love is oxygen
Coursing through our veins
Driving us all completely insane

It dizzies us at heights
Spins us all around
Then it's gone
And we hit the ground

Desperate and savage
In our loss
We scrape to salvage
But all is lost

Along comes a shooting star
Racing to the rescue
Reaching for my core
Sweep away th' dew

My soul is raw
My love is true
My heart begins to thaw
Tears becoming few

Hold me tight
Keep my near
Stop my fight
Banish my fears

Let me breathe.

goin'_to_the_PS

its grand but is full of analogys and Cliches....i feel

Le Rack

neh its what I felt on the whole thing at the time...

el_tiddlero

sure if you brush up on the aul spelling and don't force it so much it'll come good... your heart is in the right place there's no doubting that, and tis good to use what you've experienced and channel it into your work but if you're more focussed on the vent rather than the writing at the end of it its gonna be tough for you to develop your art... just my opinion mind, i've a lot of old stuff that ain't even worth the paper its written on.. keep on truckin' and with a depth of emotion like you seem to store you'll do well..

Le Rack

either im really stupid or I dont realise im spelling wrong? I fixed "completely" and "felt" but pray do tell is there more wrong?

MojoMaker

"Coursing", "its" and "breath". Sorry

Le Rack

oh yeah as i said, severe lack of intelligence!!!! all apologies I'll fix them right away!!!
breathe?

el_tiddlero

breathe it is indeed....

shiv

First four verses are stellar, nice rhythm

Le Rack

who says stellar?
but thanks all the same!

shiv

Le Rack wrote:

who says stellar?
but thanks all the same!

I do!
Widen your vocabulary!

Le Rack

I know the word but its sooo American! and not even the usual mainstream american but the ditzy sweet valley high american!

shiv

Le Rack wrote:

I know the word but its sooo American! and not even the usual mainstream american but the ditzy sweet valley high american!

I'll take the slight for my neighbours to the south, but I will not tolerate blatant criticism of sweet valley high! It's a staple of my adolescence, and not up for slagging No one talked liked that in those books! Besides, I think you mean 'Valley-speak' in terms of 'as if' or 'whatever'. And I don't recall one utterance of 'stellar' in Clueless...But if it makes you happy I'll revoke my word and replace it with....um...great :rolleyes:

Le Rack

yeah i never read those.....
couldn't tolerate them.
But thank you dear!