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Love Is Oxygen

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  • 19-04-2005 9:38pm
    #1
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭


    Love is oxygen
    Coursing through our veins
    Driving us all completely insane

    It dizzies us at heights
    Spins us all around
    Then it's gone
    And we hit the ground

    Desperate and savage
    In our loss
    We scrape to salvage
    But all is lost

    Along comes a shooting star
    Racing to the rescue
    Reaching for my core
    Sweep away th' dew

    My soul is raw
    My love is true
    My heart begins to thaw
    Tears becoming few

    Hold me tight
    Keep my near
    Stop my fight
    Banish my fears

    Let me breathe.


Comments

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    #2
    goin'_to_the_PS
    Closed Accounts Posts: 869 ✭✭✭goin'_to_the_PS


    its grand but is full of analogys and Cliches....i feel


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    #3
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    neh its what I felt on the whole thing at the time...


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    #4
    el_tiddlero
    Registered Users Posts: 400 ✭✭el_tiddlero


    sure if you brush up on the aul spelling and don't force it so much it'll come good... your heart is in the right place there's no doubting that, and tis good to use what you've experienced and channel it into your work but if you're more focussed on the vent rather than the writing at the end of it its gonna be tough for you to develop your art... just my opinion mind, i've a lot of old stuff that ain't even worth the paper its written on.. keep on truckin' and with a depth of emotion like you seem to store you'll do well..


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    #5
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    either im really stupid or I dont realise im spelling wrong? I fixed "completely" and "felt" but pray do tell is there more wrong?


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    #6
    MojoMaker
    Registered Users Posts: 4,590 ✭✭✭MojoMaker


    "Coursing", "its" and "breath". Sorry :o


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    #7
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    oh yeah as i said, severe lack of intelligence!!!! all apologies I'll fix them right away!!!
    breathe?


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    #8
    el_tiddlero
    Registered Users Posts: 400 ✭✭el_tiddlero


    breathe it is indeed....


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    #9
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭shiv


    First four verses are stellar, nice rhythm :)


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    #10
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    who says stellar?
    but thanks all the same!


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    #11
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭shiv


    Le Rack wrote:
    who says stellar?
    but thanks all the same!

    I do!
    Widen your vocabulary! :p


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    #12
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    I know the word but its sooo American! and not even the usual mainstream american but the ditzy sweet valley high american!


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    #13
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭shiv


    Le Rack wrote:
    I know the word but its sooo American! and not even the usual mainstream american but the ditzy sweet valley high american!

    I'll take the slight for my neighbours to the south, but I will not tolerate blatant criticism of sweet valley high! It's a staple of my adolescence, and not up for slagging ;) No one talked liked that in those books! Besides, I think you mean 'Valley-speak' in terms of 'as if' or 'whatever'. And I don't recall one utterance of 'stellar' in Clueless...But if it makes you happy I'll revoke my word and replace it with....um...great :rolleyes:


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    #14
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    yeah i never read those.....
    couldn't tolerate them.
    But thank you dear!


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