Don't know what to make of it!!

LegacyUser

Ok, I've been with my B/F for going on five years now & we've always gotten on very well, that is until about two months ago. We've been having stupid arguements that we never have gone to bed on before but its happened twice now that we've still not been speaking to one another the next morning. We always sort them out, which is good. But of late I've just felt that we are just growing apart. So me being me couldn't keep it to my self & said it to him on saturday night when we were out. Making a long story short he says that he feels differently about me now??? We had a fight & ended up going to bed not talking. Anyway yesterday morning I ask him what he meant & he said that he thinks that he has been taking me for granted & that he is just after getting so used to doing his own thing. He said that he would be better off if I nagged him!! (so do i have to become a bit@h?).
He wouldn't explain more about what he meant & just said 'you & I know that behind it all we're fine so whats the problem?' WHAT'S THE PROBLEM??? you just told me that you don't feel the same way about me.
He then said that because he still fancies me & leave my place every night with a hard on that it must mean that everythings ok!!! OH MY GOD - So that was that & we didn't talk about it again yesterday but I didn't get much sleep last night with this on my mind, I feel completely lost, I don't know whether I should just say it to him straight out that I need him to explain this to me or do I just leave it & see what happens? You see the thing is we are planning to get engaged next month on our five year anniversary but I can't & won't go ahead with it when I don't know how he really feels about me...
I really need some advise guys, what should I do?

Beruthiel

guest today wrote:

You see the thing is we are planning to get engaged next month on our five year anniversary but I can't & won't go ahead with it when I don't know how he really feels about me...
I really need some advise guys, what should I do?

well from your post I'm wondering if the comment above has anything to do with it?
do you think he has started to see his life ahead of him now - ie engaged, married, mortgage, 2.5 kids, family car.... perhaps that pressure is getting to him.
whatever it is, you need to talk to him about it, perhaps the reason he is unable to comment is that he know it might upset you...

WhiteWashMan

you guys live apart?

tinkerbell

You guys really need to sit down and have a chat. If you're planning on getting engaged in the next month, then you seriously need to talk about what's wrong.

Besprechen

he sees it as being the defining moment of the relationship and possibly doesnt want to settle down, you're talking about getting engaged but have you really never discussed living together before now, or did he not want to?

LegacyUser

We don't live together, we're in the middle of building are both still living at home until that's done.. I don't really know if getting engaged is what's brought this on as I've suggested putting it off a while & he's said no that he's really looking forward to it.
I think things just started to go wrong when his best mate moved home from the states a couple weeks ago, we're just not as close as we used to be.

the_syco

guest today wrote:

I think things just started to go wrong when his best mate moved home from the states a couple weeks ago, we're just not as close as we used to be.

Talk to him. His best mate comes home, so he's proberly just gone back into an old routine. He proberly doesn't even relaize it.But, DON'T get in between them (me or him scenario), otherwise, he may choose to be friends with his best mate.

LegacyUser

the_syco wrote:

Talk to him. His best mate comes home, so he's proberly just gone back into an old routine. He proberly doesn't even relaize it.But, DON'T get in between them (me or him scenario), otherwise, he may choose to be friends with his best mate.

God no, I'd never do that, I get on great with his mate - we were friends even before I started going out with my b/f, but it's the only thing that's changed since all this started.
I tried talking to him last night about it & he said that I was reading too much into it & to just forget about it but how can I forget that he said it, He says that he had a lot on his mind & that he knows that he's been neglecting me,so should i just let it go for now & see what happens?

muppetkiller

Firstly Speaking from experience never commit to your long term future in a relationship until you've lived with that person for at least a year.
now my opinion on your problem
I had a long term relationship which I hate to say in it's final few weeks sounds too much like your current issue. I don't want to say your relationship is ending but most definitley tell him how you feel or else you'll drive yourself crazy with paranoia.. And whats worse is the more paranoid you feel about the relationship the more he will feel your uncertanty..He sounds like he's affraid to say what he feels incase he upsets you..
The simple matter is you don't feel secure in the relationship as it is ..and you need to sort those problems out quickly by dealing with them now..
And don't accept a " things are fine answer " as they currently are not for you.

Best of luck with it

LegacyUser

I don't know, maybe i am reading too much into it, I mean when we are together we get on brilliantly. It just seems that over the past few weeks or so he just doesn't have time for us. I know that we're under a bit of pressure with the house & trying to get things done but I still think that we should make the same time for one another that we did before the building etc started. Maybe that's got something to do with it, maybe he's feeling the pressure of organizing everything - I'm just going to have to sit down with him & talk it over ..... BEFORE I GO INSANE!
thanks for the advise guys