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Do you know me?

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  • 18-04-2005 11:48am
    #1
    museless
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12 ✭


    Do you know me? You say you do
    that you've broken through and understand me
    but I don't believe you; I don't think you believe yourself

    Can you clash this foul-mouthed, angry, ex-labourer
    with the chess playing, sensitive, poet that lies within?
    can you comprehend how vastly different this depressed, downtrodden neanderthal is
    to the romantic and sociable gentleman that lies within my body

    When you look at me do you see the confident arrogant jock,
    or the shy nervous bookworm? How can you know me,
    when I don't know myself?

    captain of the football team, and the chess club,
    lad about town, and caring partner,
    blue collar slogger, or white collar manager
    who do you see? more importantly who am I..

    While you sit in your ivory tower, writing your poetry
    and reading your esteemed authors, do you sometimes look at me and wonder
    if I get you at all?
    If I can comprehend what makes you tick, or have you given up hope
    that I could ever empathise with you and your background

    With all your self help books, and your cutting remarks
    maybe you can tell me,
    Am I unhappy because of whom I am?
    or who I'm trying to be...


Comments

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    #2
    eyefordamnation
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭eyefordamnation


    :rolleyes: nope... no clue!


  • Options
    #3
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭shiv


    Powerful work.
    I would replace the word clash with reconcile so that one line and overall concept of opposite parts makes a bit more sense.
    Also, you could try different spacing of sentences to make certain lines more punchier or effective, or just shorten them a bit.

    Very caustic but effective, especially the last bit.
    Well done.


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    #4
    museless
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12 ✭museless


    thanks for the feedback, I see what you're saying about "clash" and you're probably right :)

    form is always my failing when it comes to writing, most of the time I don't set out with a structure, or even an idea, the words just start going through my head and I write them down as they come out. Generally I just leave them whatever way they come out, but it can lead to a certain displacement and randomness of form and punctuation...a bit like my life really :)


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