All There is..

museless

It's hard, getting harder and I'm left to wonder,
is this all there is? for it's not enough,
to sit and wait for all my dreams to come through

an impossible picture of radiating happiness,
as my princess lies sleeping, with her eyes closed
and her mouth slightly open, I look and wonder,
does she know the murderous thoughts that run through my head?

and if she does, then what can she do,
handcuffed to this prison the same way I am,
not living but not dead, existing only to run these tortured paths
through my soul, damning and cursing me all along the way

is this all there is? this pseudo life that shackles and binds me,
when all I want is to spread my metaphoric wings and fly away
to escape once more from the cancer that's worming it's way through my mind and heart
turning everything black and withered as it passes

are these headaches more sinister than simple stress?
is my paranoid fear of a tumour more than just that,
as she strokes my forehead remarking on lumps that I can't see but she can feel
or do I just need new glasses to see this world in another light

not rose tinted, but not through thorns either,
a struggling soul drowning in the murkiness of a world gone mad
where reason and sense are eclipsed by the darkness that envelops me
and makes me so much less and yet so much more than I am

I think this is all there is, this constant struggle against life and it's undercurrents
and death is a blessing not a curse, that we should embrace rather than avoid
I've had the best years of my life already and it's this epiphany that has led me to this place
where hope and desire are noted for their absence, and a long sleep is all that remains

shiv

Interesting work, but very sad.
I love this line: a struggling soul drowning in the murkiness of a world gone mad

Some of the others feel a bit forced or overly metaphor-ed, if you know what I mean.

Keep writing, you've got a definite voice.

Le Rack

Im going to go huddle in a corner for a while.
Thats incredible, so moving especially "this constant struggle against life and its undercurrants" its so realistic and so metaphorical at teh same time, a real point on life.

Shad0r

Very much atypical of the type of poem I usually enjoy. It meets absolutely none of the criteria that normally signal a peom that I will enjoy (aside from its darkness)...and yet, its feckin fantastic.

Good job.

museless

Thanks for the feedback, always nice to know that it's generated a feeling in someone!

Shiv, interesting you should comment on the "forced" feeling behind it. After I wrote it and reread it I felt the same, and yet at the time it flowed without pause or confusion.

I was tempted to change it afterwards, smooth it over if you like, but felt it was a truer reflection left as it was, untainted by retrospect and form questions..

thanks again for the feedback, always appreciated

shiv

Always happy to provide feedback museless, anytime!