Confused

LegacyUser

Hi there,
Ok so I was going out with this girl a few years back, we're talking six years here. And I fell for her too quickly, within a few months and it scared her off and she finished it. But she kinda messed with my head because she still liked me, and I was with her for a few weekends, and it confused the hell outa me and I didn't know where I stood, so I told her I didn't want to see her again until I got over her.

So then I went to college, and met my current girlfriend, whom I have being going out with for 3.5 years now, and I love her to bits and plan on settling down with each other. We've never really had much relationship issues, we got on pretty well.

So last night I was out and I met the ex, whom I had not seen in years. We got talking, just about what we are doing (I'm working, she has gone back to college). She was all over me and with the help of remembering how she hurt me, I did not do anything. But I have just woken up and I feel really confused. I think I might still love her. I don't want to **** up what I have now, but my stomach and my heart feel really hurt. What do I do!?

Squirrel

You loved her, and she didn't feel the same about you, what you have now is great, don't ruin it. She might now love you but she was scared of commitment before, who can say that it won't happen again and if that happens you'll have lost your present girlfriend, it's not worth it

Dinxminx

Don't screw up what you have. There is no guarantee that the ex wants to get back with you or that she loves you. Maybe she just wants what she can't have. Stay away from her!

bug

There's a simple rule. Forwards not backwards.
I think its few and far between the amount of rekindled break ups that result in sucess.
Meetings with ex's tend to stir up all sorts of feelings. Sometimes good or bad or a mixture of both.
The ease of conversation is amazing, since this is someone you know well, but havent had to "deal" with for the past six years. This makes you look back and wonder "what if?" and also added with the indirect affection, the mind is tricked into thinking of how nice the what if could be rather than the realities of the situation.

The question to ask yourself is what sort of fellings this "meeting" left you with.
The mind has a funny way of throwing you right back there when meetings like you described happen.

You think you still love her? Well you either do or you dont, and to be honest a month isnt a very long time to see whether you love someone or not IMO & people change alot in six years.

Wait until next week and see if you still have the stomach pangs. See if they are associated with a feeling of loss that you never got over at the time or deep definite love. Then you can make your decision.

Dinxminx

Confuzzled wrote:

but my stomach and my heart feel really hurt. What do I do!?

Stomach Hurts: Hunger? Eat something.
Heart Hurts: Heartburn. Take Rennie tablets.

Now look in your 3.5 year long lasting girlfriend's eyes and imagine telling her you're throwing those three and a half years away to get back with a girl who broke your heart over the course of a few meagre months.

arbeitsscheuer

Dinxminx wrote:

Now look in your 3.5 year long lasting girlfriend's eyes and imagine telling her you're throwing those three and a half years away to get back with a girl who broke your heart over the course of a few meagre months.

Absolutely spot on.

IMO your ex probably wants what she can't have, and in any case, she's probably not the person you fell for anyway - this was six years ago remember. You've seen her once since then, and you think you may still love her? You're probably just panicking because starting something new (i.e. gettin back wit ex) is often more alluring than holding on to what you already have.

Squirrel pretty much summed it up in one sentence:

Squirrel wrote:

what you have now is great, don't ruin it

Amen

LegacyUser

Ok guys, thanks alot for the advice.

I don't think I will ever get over her, but I would never wish the pain that I went through on my current girlfriend, or anyone for that matter.

I just have to struggle along and whenever I think of "what if", just think of how much hurt I would be causing, both to myself and to my girlfriend.

Thank you

scojones

Lads, how do we know that his ex is not the right woman for him?

arbeitsscheuer

We don't, is the simple answer to that.

But he has asked for our advice, and given us as much information to go on as he saw fit. We have given him our advice, with the best of intentions, that's all that was asked of us.
However, you are right in your implication that he should definitely take our advice with a pinch of salt - we don't personally know the people in question, and in the end only he can make a real informed judgement of what to do.

LegacyUser

Let me explain a little more, this may not be a clear response as I'm saying things as they come into my head.

I don't know if I'm still happy with my current girlfriend, and this is not because of what happend Saturday night. I feel the relationship has gone a bit stale.. When she's talking I find myself not really listening to her - and she has noticed this alot. I'm only 21, and I've been with her for 3.5 years, and I can't help thinking that if we break up when we're 29ish I will have missed out on the best years of my life. My current girlfriend is the only girl I have slept with.

When I think of my ex, I think of what we had, and how she used to be. I'm aware both of us have changed alot, but I can't help but think what if we're right for each other now?

And then I think, if I'm worried about not being with alot of girls at this age, then why do I want to go back with my ex? Maybe I'm just using my ex as an excuse to get out of the current relationship?

And then I think, I can't break this girls' heart. It was done to me and it was the worst experience I've ever been through.

tinkerbell

I dunno what to suggest. However, you shouldn't stay in a relationship if you are very unhappy with everything. How does your gf feel about you? Maybe a break could do some good.

Dinxminx

You cannot have your cake and eat it. It's as simple as that. Stop with your commitment issues and face up to real life.