Party Problem! Or maybe not?

In IRL

I am a male student in a third level institute, aged 18. Today I have come to the conclusion that I don't like parties/ or I can't seem to enjoy myself at parties!!! I was wondering if anyone else feels this way and, if this is just a phase in my life or something that I have to deal with.

I have started going to "parties" only this September and before that I was kind of sheltered by my parents. This year I have moved to Dublin so I suppose that kind of let me "loose", so to speak.

In the beginning it was all good, meeting new people and getting to know them thru small talks. Now that we have a bunch of people who frequently hang out together, I feel like I am isolated from them and don't seem to get along with the people as well as other people do. Like they are now a clique, and I am not part of it. This may be due to the fact that I can't seem to go past that small talk phase in relationships (friendships + love relationships). People like me in the beginning but they quickly lose interest in me when they get along better with a more "interesting/extrovert" person. It feels like nobody wants to chat with me in a party because I always do the boring small talk.

This "trend" makes me prefer going to an after-party in a club/bar where I can talk with new faces, who I can "small talk" with, and not feel weird about. I have no problem going up to a stranger, but I feel different talking to my "gang". That's why I am confused if I am shy or not.

I want to get over this problem, I was thinking of going to a psychologist or something. What do you people suggest? Should I just leave it and spend some time with my close friends, or get on with the "therapy" immediately?

Oh, by the way, when I am talking with a person who is alone/shy/introvert/not so "popular", I can seem to get a conversation going better than I usually do. I am sporty and not like a dork at all. With my football mates (not from college) we have something to talk about, a common interest so I have no real problem talking to them.

To be very honest with you, I can't really pick out what my problem is, whether it's my shyness/ problem with communication/ being weird, and I am really confused at the moment. If I knew where the problem lay, I would be able to at least try to amend it but, I don't know where to start.

Thanks for reading this incoherent rant. Help or advice is appreciated.
:cool:

BuffyBot

Perhaps (deep down) you just don't like the people you are hanging out with? They were great while you were finding your feet and you might have a lot in common on the surface when everything is shiny and new - but perhaps as time has passed you are finding yourself less connected to them. After all, it's quite common when in a new situation (like going to college) to make lots of new "immediate friends" but as time goes on, you will begin to make longer term friendships with people. sometimes this takes a few different attempts which is disheartening, but you just keep plugging away.

Bri

I'd say exactly as above. College is very different from school and it's a good thing. I know myself and the majority of my friends would have gone through similar experiences of 'moving' through different groups. You may not realise it but your likely to be growing into much more of your own person in the next few years...so don't worry so much!

By the time you leave college you'll be friends with people from all over - school, maybe some of those 'immediate friends' and plenty of others; some of whom you may never have expected to be getting along with. Some of your college friends are much more likely to end up being your adult friends for life so make sure you stay true to yourself and what makes you genuinely happy.

On a side note, it sounds like you've a lot for you in terms of hobbies and confidence, so stick with that - it's a lot more than a large portion of 1st years! If your playing sport outside of college consider incorporating some of it in college too, so as to find other similar groups.

In summary, everything sounds to me like your just ready to move on and meet a new crowd next year - no need for a psychologist! Just stick with what & who you like, and enjoy!

Victor

Parties don't work for everyone. Look at me :eek:

Sangre

Victor wrote:

Parties don't work for everyone. Look at me :eek:

Well thats one way to encourage him to go to parties more. Played.

In IRL

Thank you all for your advice. This was my first post on boards.ie. You guys sure know how to cheer me up! lol

almostagassi

there was a dude in my class (not me) that sounds a bit like you. however he started to drink alot, and really lightened up, the more he relaxed the more relaxed people felt around him.

in conversations, say something out of the ordinary. if someone came over to me and started small talk about college and how that local sporting team are doing, id blank him.

stay something like, "doesnt that bird over there got the most upright breasts ever"

but you cant go to far.

so .............. drink, get sick, and if people wont laugh with you, they can laugh at you. eventually they will laugh with you.

to be frank, that psychologist idea sounds stupid, perhaps an example of how uptight you might be behaving. stop trying to make friends with people and just have a laugh with people around you.

almostagassi

ps i like your self mocking 'incoherent rant" at the end of your post.

The_Conductor

Some people just don't do parties- its nothing wrong with the person, its just the way they are. I for one, hate large groups of people- I feel like a cucumber in a fruit bowl..... Thats not to say you have problems with friends- going out for coffee- or staying in with a few bottles of wine/beer (whatever) with a DVD is grand. Different strokes for different folks. The world would be fierce boring if everyone was the same.

Esel

almostagassi wrote:

there was a dude in my class (not me) that sounds a bit like you. however he started to drink alot, and really lightened up, the more he relaxed the more relaxed people felt around him.

in conversations, say something out of the ordinary. if someone came over to me and started small talk about college and how that local sporting team are doing, id blank him.

stay something like, "doesnt that bird over there got the most upright breasts ever"

but you cant go to far.

so .............. drink, get sick, and if people wont laugh with you, they can laugh at you. eventually they will laugh with you.

to be frank, that psychologist idea sounds stupid, perhaps an example of how uptight you might be behaving. stop trying to make friends with people and just have a laugh with people around you.

i like your self mocking 'incoherent rant" which is your post.

In IRL

seems like everyone likes watching me mock at myself?!?! maybe it's just the thing to do next weekend?? lol

Esel

In IRL wrote:

seems like everyone likes watching me mock at myself?!?! maybe it's just the thing to do next weekend?? lol

Don't get me wrong - I liked almostagassi's 'incoherent rant" which was his post. Sarcasm (if any) was directed at him, not you.

My advice - breathe from the stomach - i.e. relax.